Aiden is having a boring fucking time at this party. He doesn’t know where Ralph and Grant ran off to, and Noah isn’t saying much tonight. He got in an argument with Ralph earlier, and he’s in one of his sulky moods. Aiden is the only one who will hang out with Noah when he’s like this. He understands, and he has those days himself, and Noah will chill with him when it’s the other way around.

They aren’t talking much, just sitting together on a busted-ass couch in the backyard of a house that belongs to someone who Ralph vaguely knows. Aiden thinks his name was Seth.

It's a parents out of town kind of party. You can get away with big ones, this far out in the middle of nowhere, but that doesn't automatically make them fun. At least it's not BYOB, like most of these are.

Ralph squirms his way out of the crowd and stops before the couch, looking down at Aiden and Noah with obvious irritation.

“Could you guys lighten up? Seth is gonna kick us out for bringing down the vibe of his fucking party.”

So it is Seth, then. Aiden glances across the backyard; it’s dark, but he spots the guy by the booze table. He’s chatting with friends, having a great time, unlike the occupants of his outdoor couch.

They drove a stupid long time to get to this party. Aiden regrets it, and he’s wondering how the hell Ralph talked him into it in the first place. All the noise is building into a huge fucking headache that Aiden can barely think around.

Before he can muster a response, Grant cuts through the crowd to join them, stopping at Ralph’s side.

“Yo! We shouldn’t have skipped school today.” He holds up his phone and flashes them a text, way too quickly for anyone to read it. “We missed some shit. Jamie Keane came out.”

Aiden looks up sharply. “What?”

“Yep. He’s gay. He told a few people, and he added a rainbow to his Instagram bio.” Grant laughs. “Un-fuckin'-believable."

Aiden forgets he has a headache, his mind completely taken over by this news. He’s always suspected, but the confirmation hits him like a lightning strike.

It means that technically, what Aiden wants is... possible.

It doesn’t matter, he reminds himself. It doesn’t make it any more possible than it was before.

“Oh, shit,” Noah mutters. Ralph ignores him, swiveling to face Aiden with a wide grin on his face.

“Aiden, you don’t have anything to say? This opens up a whole new world of hilarity we can get out of Keane.”

Aiden fixes Ralph with a glare that could peel paint off a wall.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Aiden asks, very slowly and icily. “I know you’re not talking about using that to fuck with Keane, right?”

There’s a brief silence from the group. It’s apparent that everyone assumed Aiden would take this news as a welcome source of fresh ammunition.

Ralph is the first to recover from the unexpected reaction. “No, obviously not.”

“Yeah,” Grant adds. “It’s like, what fucking century is this? I only brought it up cause it’s news.”

Aiden nods, then tosses back the rest of his drink. "That's what I fucking thought."

Noah doesn’t say anything. He’s still pissed at Ralph, avoiding his eyes. Ralph doesn’t miss this, and it must be annoying him, or maybe he’s just mad that he won’t get to unleash whatever fucking awful things he had lined up to say about Keane, because -

“Don’t have a single thing to say, huh, Noah? All you do is take up space, I swear.”

Noah stares straight past him, his grey eyes sour and dark. Ralph, who is by far the drunkest of the group and who has never taken well to people ignoring him, is instantly angry.

“For fuck's sake, Noah,” he snaps. “Why don’t you go get us some drinks? Do something useful for once? What’s the fucking point of you?”

Noah scowls and lurches to his feet.

“Fine, alright? Jesus. What does everyone want?”

Aiden has had more than enough of Ralph and Grant, so he walks with Noah to the table with all the sticky bottles and tipped over solo cups.

Halfway through pouring himself another drink, Aiden feels someone looking at him.

Seth, the host of the party, is across the table. When Aiden looks up, his olive-green eyes immediately dart away, and he starts talking to a girl standing nearby.

Aiden doesn't know why, exactly, but he stands and watches Seth over the rim of his cup, eavesdropping on his conversation.

“The speakers died!” the girl is telling him. “Do you have the charger?”

“It’s in my room,” Seth answers. “I’ll run and get it, be right back.”

Melanie broke up with Aiden last week. Based on their usual pattern, he reckons that they’ll get back together sometime within the next few days. He’s unattached, even if briefly.

And Seth... Seth is cute, and heading to his room, and this isn’t the first time tonight that Aiden has caught those green eyes lingering on him. Seth doesn't go to the same school as Aiden. Doesn't even live in the same town.

It occurs to Aiden that he has an opportunity here.

He doesn’t have a plan, but he grabs a bottle of whiskey from the table and follows Seth back inside, at a distance.

Something about this news from Keane… Aiden just wants to try this out. See what it feels like when it’s happening in the real world, not only in his head.

Seth pads up the stairs. At the top, he opens a door, slips inside, and shuts it again.

Aiden hesitates at the top of the stairs. He unscrews the cap on the bottle and swallows a mouthful of whiskey before he follows Seth into the room.

He shuts the door after himself, wishing he could lock it without raising immediate questions.

Seth is on his hands and knees, groping around under the bed. He hears the click of the door closing and sits back on his heels, peering up at Aiden.

“Oh, hey. You’re Ralph’s friend, right? Aiden? We talked earlier.”

Aiden realizes that he’s still holding the bottle, and that probably doesn’t look good, but it’s too late to undo it now.

“Yeah. Seth, isn’t it?”

“Mhm.” Seth gestures at the bed. “Can’t find the charger for my speakers. Everyone’s gonna be pissed. What’s a party without music?”

“Party’s pretty fun even without it, if you ask me."

"Oh, thank god," Seth answers, smiling up at him. "That's good to hear."

Aiden isn’t sure how to approach this with a guy. He crosses the room and extends a hand to Seth. Pulls him to his feet, and lets him go right away.

“Thanks." Seth smiles again. Aiden likes the way it looks on him. “So, you’re having fun? I'm glad. I heard you guys drove all the way from Ketterbridge.”

“Yep.”

"Was it worth it?"

Aiden lets his eyes linger on Seth's for a long moment. "Actually... yeah, I think it was."

A very faint blush spreads across Seth's cheeks. He accepts the bottle of whiskey when Aiden holds it out. Their fingers brush together, and a shower of nerves flares in Aiden’s stomach.

Seth takes a much smaller sip, then sets the bottle on the desk. Aiden’s heart is pounding dangerously fast, but -

He catches Seth’s hand in both of his when it drops from the bottle.

Seth falls still, then swallows. Quietly, but Aiden sees the movement ride up his larynx.

There’s a silence. Aiden is still holding Seth’s fingers.

He’s suddenly terrified, but… he traces his thumb up the side of the other guy’s palm.

Seth swallows again. Aiden can hear it, this time. He forces himself to look up. He stares again into Seth’s olive eyes, and Seth looks back at him. Not a misunderstanding, then, what Aiden has been feeling from him all night, every time they talked.

Aiden freezes up.

This is so different, and he hates feeling like he doesn’t know what he’s doing. He hates the idea that Seth might realize he has no idea what he’s doing. He just wants to kiss him, see what it feels like, and he can’t imagine the mechanics are all that different, with a guy, but… He stands there, and they just look at each other.

Seth pulls his hand free, and Aiden is all ready to rush back downstairs and tell the group that they’re leaving, right now - but then Seth slides a hand up the back of Aiden’s neck and into his hair, resting the other on his chest.

Aiden registers some immediate differences. Bigger hands. A faint scent of some brand of men’s deodorant. A harder grip on his hair. There’s that static electricity between them that Aiden is used to from being with girls, but even that’s not quite the same, somehow.

Not better, not worse, just - different.

Aiden tests out taking Seth by the waist and drawing him closer. He barely has to put any pressure; Seth moves easily beneath his touch. Aiden drops his head, brings his mouth to a place where Seth could reach it with his own, if he wanted to.

This is the most he can do, when he’s this nervous, but it turns out to be enough. Seth leans up and closes the remaining distance.

Aiden expected to think: this is good, or, this is bad. It could only be one of the two, and then he’d have his answer.

What he actually thinks is: more.

Seth was kissing him gently, but now he slips his tongue into Aiden’s mouth, and something lights on fire in Aiden’s chest. The fire spreads and grows as Seth closes his arms around Aiden’s neck, and Aiden closes his arms around his back.

He’s not even aware of backing Seth all the way up against the door, not until he notices that one of Seth’s hands is fumbling for something. The lock.

Aiden hears it click, and thinks dizzily that he can’t believe he’s doing this, really doing this. He thinks it’s weird how that tiny sound sends a whole new tidal wave of nerves and something else crashing through him.

Seth turns them, and now Aiden is the one with his back and shoulders rubbing up against the door. He’s grateful for the suppressive effects of the alcohol, or he’s sure he would be doing some accidental magic right now.

Especially when Seth unexpectedly drops to his knees.

This is more than Aiden bargained for, but he makes no move to stop it. Not even when Seth pushes up his shirt and brushes his lips along the divot of muscle by Aiden’s hip. He shivers, and finds himself with a hand gripping Seth’s hair.

He closes his eyes, and when he opens them, Jamie Keane is staring up at him, a smirk on his lips, desire burning in his sugar-brown gaze.

It’s not real. Aiden blinks, and it’s Seth who's gliding his mouth down the curve of Aiden’s hipbone, scraping him with his teeth. Aiden could happily sit back and let him do it for the whole rest of this party, but -

He drags him back onto his feet. He likes where Seth was headed with this, but maybe not that fast. This is already a lot for Aiden to handle.

He presses Seth up against the door again. Pulls his head all the way back so that he can run his tongue over his throat. There’s an Adam’s apple there, and the slightest scratch of stubble. All of that feels different, too, but Aiden doesn’t dislike it, not at all.

How far is he about to let this go? And if they go further, will Seth tell him what feels good, what’s working? Will he know that Aiden hasn’t done this? Should Aiden tell him that he hasn’t done this? No, just the thought of that - he can’t. It’s too awkward, and it’s going to be obvious, anyways.

The nerves reassert their hold, and Aiden reverts to something he already knows how to do. He kisses Seth deeply, nibbling his lip and exploring with his tongue. He feels the way that Seth melts against him, sees the blush across his nose and cheeks grow even darker.

At least this translates. That’s good, it gives Aiden a starting point.

He envisions what this expression might look like on Keane. The guy blushes so fucking easily. Aiden can picture his cheeks all fiery and red, his mouth open, maybe to take a breath, maybe to make a sound.

But - what the fuck is he even thinking of? It’s not a thing, it’ll never be a thing, and Aiden has already spent two years trying to accept that. Isn’t that long enough? Why can’t he get his fucking head around it?

One more year, and he’ll be getting the fuck out of Ketterbridge, and he'll finally move on. One more year, and the whole Keane thing will be over. Aiden will leave him in the past, and that’ll be that.

In the meantime, the whole Seth thing is… well. Aiden’s goal was to see if this would feel good, and he could almost break into hysterical laughter at how ridiculously obvious the answer is now. He could do this for hours.

Someone pounds on the door, and Aiden breaks off the kiss. Seth draws back, out of breath and blinking up at him hazily.

“Seth! You in there?”

Aiden freezes. It’s Ralph.

“What?” Seth calls through the door, in a very go-away tone.

“You seen Aiden? Tall guy I came with? Perma-frown, kinda buff?”

An image flashes through Aiden’s mind: the gleeful, mocking expression on Ralph’s face when he heard Keane’s news. Seth opens his mouth to answer; Aiden grabs his arm. Seth twists to look at him, startled, and he shakes his head, trying to communicate with his eyes.

Seth understands right away.

“I think he was in the kitchen when I came upstairs, not sure, though! Sorry, I’m changing my clothes, spilled jungle juice all over myself!”

“Shit! Okay, well, tell him we’re leaving soon, if you see him?”

“Sure!”

There’s the muffled sound of footsteps moving away, and Aiden lets out a breath.

“Thanks,” he mutters, awkward all over again, as if he didn’t just have his tongue on Seth’s neck.

“No problem, I get it.” Seth takes a step back, looking regretful. “So - you have to go?”

“Yeah, looks like it.”

“Well-” Seth pulls his phone out of the back pocket of his jeans. “Could we-?”

Now this is way more than Aiden bargained for, and panic strikes instantly.

“No, I’m sorry, I - I can't-” He swallows, then bends to brush one last kiss onto Seth’s mouth. “Thanks. I mean, I’m sorry. Or - bye.”

He rushes down the stairs, his cheeks burning, and crashes directly into someone.

“Aiden!”

“Oh - Noosh.” Aiden is secretly relieved that it's him. He was the only one who didn’t get all weird about Keane’s coming out.

Noah’s eyes narrow. “You okay?”

“I’m fine. What’s going on?”

“We’ve been looking for you, we’re headed out, fucking finally.”

Ralph and Grant, who were by the kitchen, spot him and thread their way through the crowd.

“How are we getting home, who’s driving?” Aiden asks, when they’re all grouped up again.

Grant uses his drink to point at Noah. “Noosh is tonight's DD."

“Oh, is that why we brought him along?” Ralph says, and then laughs when Noah scowls. “Chill, Noah, it was a joke. You’re such a baby.”

Aiden knows that Seth is probably coming down the stairs soon.

“We’re leaving right fucking now,” he growls. “Shut up and move.”

They do so immediately, falling into their usual formation at Aiden’s back. He leads them outside, grateful for the open air.

Aiden needs to be alone. He needs to think. But first, he needs to survive a long car ride without giving away how hard he’s reeling.

He does what he always does, these days, when he’s desperate for solid ground. He listens for Keane’s energy.

He finds that it sounds different, this time. Or maybe it’s the same, and Aiden is hearing it differently. He’s not sure.

It sounds like possibility, now, and no matter what Aiden does, he can't hear it any other way.