"Hey sweetie," called a voice behind my bedroom door.

"Can I come in for a sec?"

"Sure mom, come in," she opened the door and sat on my bed, flattening the wrinkles in the covers.

"I see you cleaned your room...," she watched as I typed away at my desk. I was working on a school project and didn't know what to write about. So I brain stormed a bit.

"Well I just came to tell you the funeral will be held this Friday," I stopped typing.

"But then I won't be able to go mom," I turned and looked at her, panicking.

"I know, I know, but it's to late to reschedule again since Aunt Carol's doctor's appointment or Uncle Tom's fishing trip Saturday,"

"But mom!!!can I at least go?!!" I gazed at her like a rescue animal, waiting for a new home. She didn't buy it for one quick second however, she promised me a recording and some reception food. 

"Is it gonna be Aunt Katherine's cooking?!" She heard how excited I was to hear at least one good thing about my relatives.

"Yes, I will hopefully try to save you some....," ...she sounded promising but I dunno, maybe she'll eat half the plate or until it's gone. Aunt Kathy's food Is the best and grandma loved it the most. Taking 7 to go plates and leaving anything left on any of her plates. 

"Will any one know of my absence?" She patted me on my shoulder and said they might, but she wasn't sure.

"Maybe they will, I mean why wouldn't they I suppose," see, I was close wasn't I ?

That Friday I wasn't able to attend the funeral since it was during school hours. So I was down all day, wondering what happened while I wasn't there. Did they talk about me? Did they really wanna see me? Was there an actual to go plate for me while I wasn't there? Did they know more about grandma I didn't know about? What will the Will say or how will the family act on all of granny's possessions? Do they miss her to? I really wanted to learn at least more about what happened to her and how the family reacts to it!

Well, at least I have my mom to get through things instead of being alone. She is now able to talk to me as we share experiences and reminisce over the good times. Such as the time I got the rookies baseball cap or when I rode my bike and failed miserly. So instead, granny took me to get ice cream and mom didn't have change so granny pulled out her giant change purse and gave it to the man. I thought she was a wizard at the time for her magically bag if wonders( her purse) and her everlasting amount of change found everywhere around her house. I still don't know what to do without her, but we're trying together.

Things remind me when dad died when I was younger and I do miss him. I feel more guilty after his death than grandma's for not remembering him enough. But I do miss her too, but I'm starting to wonder if anyone else does now more then ever. Mom told me everyone was sad I couldn't come and the will was read. Everyone ate up all the food and they did leave me some. It was a decent amount and I ate some leftovers as she continued to tell me how the funereal went. The only problem is she won't tell me what the Will said....

"It's a surprise," she said, hoping to cheer me up, it did work. But I was quite amused and intrigued on what the "surprise" is. I was kind of excited and wanted to tell Beatrice, but she's with Kathy or whomever at the moment . I'm always so close with her, but getting farther and farther away. I asked my mom for advice, since you know (me being me)....

Well she was mad I didn't tell her first, but she was excited like any other nosy mom is. I feel like I should have told her, and they say a mother's love will get you through anything and I'm starting to feel it. Especially when we finally have more intelligent conversations after school.

"Bee, I really need to talk to you, " I pulled her aside from her and her friends. Hoping I still have time before my mom picks me up.

"Sure that's fine by me, what did you want to say?" I have her where I want her, but I'm getting nervous again.

"Remember when we were talking.., "

"The thing right ?" She asked, giving me grin. She knew I would bring this up again, but I have to clear the air.

"I can read you like a book Amb's.....," she stepped back to give me some air. I calmed myself down.

"I wish I could do the same, but I can't," she nods her head and looks at me. I mean I saorta can read her, but I'm trying to be metaphorical and that's not working either.

"You do it all the time, more than me ba-Amb's," she blushed as I leaned in closer, I really need to give her personal space. But I can't, I want more, I need more.

"I really like you and I really need to know if you like me too?" Her jaw dropped a little. I know she feels the same way to, she almost called me babe!!! She's done it before, but not like this. She meant it, meant it!!!

" I do, but I don't think I'm ready or if you're ready Amb's.....you need to depend on me the same way I depend on you....and you're still dealing with the lost of your grandma and I don't want to get in the way of that...," she was serious and mature about it, instead of her playful mood. She's always right, I still need time no matter how hard I'm this dang desperate. She looked at me and grabbed my hand. Rubbing her thumb near my knuckles and kissed  it before walking back to the school entrance, whispering "my cherie amour,"  I got the jitters and blushed to the point where I looked like a tomato. I wasn't like that for long as my mom pulled up to the school and I walked outside again and hopped in. She could tell I finally said something to Bee and nagged me about it, I was to lost in thought about all the things we might do if I let myself heal and grow. With her by my side as well....