About a month later, Robin was still forcing me to eat. Everyday she made me eat more than I could burn, and if she dare caught me exercising, I was forced to eat more. At the start I stayed quiet because I figured she would stop after time, but that wasn't the case. I couldn't keep going like this. I was obviously gaining weight! My jeans were getting to be tight in the waist, and my stomach always stuck out because of how badly bloated I was. I was reaching my breaking point with Robin.
One morning in February, I was getting ready to go out to the mall with Bella, and had my worst fear happen. My jeans didn't fit. At all. I immediately went into panic mode. How much weight had I gained?! I refused to check for the past month because of how much I had been eating, but I didn't realize how much damage had been done!
I ran to the washroom, stripped down and jumped on the scale. I had waited too long. I needed to see how much I had gained. The numbers jumped around like usual before stopping just a bit over 90lbs.
FAT!!! YOU GAINED 12LBS!!! IN A MONTH! YOU PIG!!
I couldn't believe it!! 12lbs in a month was ridiculous!! No wonder I couldn't fit into my jeans!! Even though I knew some of it was most likely water weight, I couldn't handle it. Robin's forced eating stopped now.
I threw my clothes back on and ran back to my room. I was still going to the mall with Bella, there was no doubt about that. So I found a pair of jeans from when I was a higher weight and threw those on. Then matched it with an oversized sweater. Robin usually came down at about this time to make me eat breakfast, but not today. It wasn't happening.
I went and made sure all the doors were locked, and then turned on the radio full blast so no one would hear her knocking. As messed up as this was, I was overjoyed to see it worked. Nobody even knew she had tried to visit. Perfect. I didn't have to eat breakfast, nor lunch now. I could deal with the rest of the day later.
Later, Bella and I were at the mall. Bella needed some new clothes since she had outgrown her others. She had a small growth spurt that was just enough to make her pants too short. Despite the growth spurt, she was still only 5"0. She lucked out and found a good sale, so now we were just wandering around and chatting like sisters.
"So, everything been ok with you?" Bella asked me. I could tell she had been wanting to ask that for a while now.
"It's ok." I replied. "Robin and I have been fighting more than normal, but that's friends for ya."
"Yea… but I gotta say. I've never seen you guys fight this much. Normally it settles down."
"She's trying to make me eat and gain weight." I mumbled.
"Well, you do look loads better than you did a month ago. No offense."
"So, you can tell I've put on weight?" I asked. It was obvious to me, but I wasn't sure how obvious to everyone else. In my head I thought everyone would see it for sure, but I also knew how screwed up in the brain I seemed to be.
"Well, uh, no offense, but yes." Bella replied hesitantly. "But it's not a bad thing you know! You're really underweight! Like, really, you should keep trying to put on weight."
"I'd rather not." I snapped. "I should be losing weight. I've really let myself go."
Bella looked at me in shock as I realized what I had just said.
"My god! Diane! No!! You don't need to lose any more weight!"
I kept my eyes glued to the floor. I hated it when I slipped up like that. Saying stuff like that out loud made people stare. And I never had a way out of it. I heard Bella sigh.
"Look, I don't know what's gotten into you Diane, but it needs to stop." She said. "This whole not eating and weight thing is going to kill you. To be honest, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were anorexic. Possibly even bulimic. I’ve caught you purging."
"Me? No." I laughed despite knowing very well I had a good chance of having it. "Those people weigh way less than I do, and can go for really long times without food. That's not me. And purging? No. I was probably just sick."
"That's not true." Bella said. "They come at many weights and eat in different ways. And don’t lie to me. I know you were purging. It’s always after a big meal."
Damn it. She was smarter than I thought. So like usual, I brushed it off and changed the subject. I couldn't risk anyone getting to the bottom of what was going on. I didn’t want to risk having to give up what I was doing. Bella didn't seem to want to fight on it, so she let me get away with changing the subject.
Everything was going well until supper hit later in the day. Normally I would be out of the house or sleeping when supper came, and today was no exception. This time I was taking a nap. I knew Dad wouldn't bug me because he didn't want to cause any arguments. As much as he hated my eating habits, he learned that he couldn't win in an argument. But that wasn't the problem. It was Robin.
I was in the middle of my nap when my door swung open. I flipped around to see who was invading my room, and of course, it was Robin.
"Boo." She said with a smile. This was her tactic of getting me to eat. Approach me in a good mood only to later yell at me for refusing to eat. I knew she meant well, but sometimes Robin had a bit of a temper. She could go off quite easily when something made her upset.
"Boo to you too." I said.
"How was the mall with Bella?" She asked as she sat down next to me.
"It was good. She got some new clothes, and then we walked around a bit."
"You eat anything?" There it was. The fighting would be starting soon. I just knew it.
"None of your business." I said. Of course I didn’t eat anything! Who did she think I was?
She raised a brow at me.
"Look, I don't know why everything has to be about eating!!" I said angrily. "Can you give it a break for once?? And we can just hang out like we used to?"
"No I can't!" Robin argued back. "Because if I let you keep going the way you are going, then I'll no longer have a friend to hang out with!"
"Bullshit."
"I'm not doing this. Not again. So did you or did you not eat?"
"No. Happy?" I spat.
"No I'm not happy!! No matter what I do you just keep boycotting it!! What do you not understand about the fact you need to eat?!"
"I do eat!!" I yelled back. I hated when people accused me of not eating. It wasn't true. I ate! Loads in fact!
"Well, you don't eat enough then!!" Robin shouted back. "Because if you did, you wouldn't be in this state!! So thin and frail that you can't even function anymore!! And don't even get me started on the toll it's probably taking on your heart!!"
"That's it!! I'm done!! Get out!!" I shouted with pure anger. Robin looked completely taken aback by the sudden outburst. I wasn't one to yell with such anger like that.
"Fine." She stated coldly. "I hope you enjoy landing in the hospital with a feeding tube up your nose then. Because it's bound to happen soon!"
She stormed out and slammed the door behind her. Serves her right. She had no right to go at me like that. Now I could finally go back to losing weight again, without interruptions. I couldn’t be stopped now.
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