Less than one more week.

Elise's class today had been canceled, so she didn't have to leave home until it was time to head out to practice. Which was all well and good, except that it reminded her mom why she didn't like her daughter going into the city.

"You still haven't told me what kind of music you're making," she said as Elise zipped up her ankle boots and put on her coat. "I want to know what my daughter gets up to, you know?"

Elise squirmed. Her mother was a trained classical musician with a vocal dislike for modern art of any form, be it painting, literature or music, approving only of what had been tried by the times. She didn't know what the odds of her mom liking their music were, but the chance was low enough not to risk it anyway.

"Like I said, it's hard to explain," she tried to avoid the subject. "We do different things."

"Like what, for example?"

Elise didn't answer. She only shrugged awkwardly.

"You know what," her mother said, "why don't I just go to that concert with you?"

Elise squirmed.

"Then I can just see for myself," her mom continued. "And also see what sorts of people my daughter hangs out with."

Panic rising, Elise backed away. "No, no, no," she spluttered. "No need! No need!"

"Why not? I'm your mother, I need to know!"

"I don't need a chaperone! I'm an adult, it would look inappropriate," Elise said. And besides, she added in her head, there's no way in hell you'd approve of Jen. Too much bright hair dye and ink on her skin.

"Don't act so high and mighty, you're only twenty-one!" her mother retorted. "You're basically still a child. I have a responsibility for you!"

Elise had tried to explain to her, repeatedly, that things didn't work that way. "That's not true," she began.

"Yes, it is! Do you want me to end up in court if anything happens to you?"

Elise bit back the urge to argue back; she had tried that too many times already and hit a wall each time. Best case, it would fall on deaf ears. Worst case, she would find herself on the receiving end of a lecture about manners and respecting your elders.

"I have to go now," she said instead, which was thankfully true. "I'm going to miss my train."

"Okay. Take care," her mother answered as she hurried out the door. "And don't come home too late!"

"Yeah, yeah!"

And other people my age already live on their own, Elise thought again. The thought didn't become any less bitter as time went on. Or as she got older, for that matter.

The good news was that now she was out of the house, and she would see Jen soon, and then her mood would definitely improve again.

~ ~ ~

That had been the plan. What she hadn't expected was that Jen wasn't there.

It wasn't a rare occurrence that Elise was the first to show up. But each time she heard a door opening and closing, each time she heard footsteps in the hallway, her pulse sped up in anticipation; and each time it turned out to be one of her other bandmates, or else someone who had nothing to do with them at all. Felix arrived, then Shine, then Zahir. And Jen got later and later, and there was still no sign of her.

Frustration mingled with disappointment in her chest. Oh, typical. The one time she had really, really looked forward to seeing Jen, she wasn't there. Just her luck.

And then she instantly chided herself for her selfish thoughts. Now wasn't the time for that sort of thing. They were literally two practice sessions away from their debut performance as Voice in the Crowd; the last thing they needed right now was something being up with their lead singer.

"Have you heard from Jen?" she asked the others, feeling strangely vulnerable as she spoke. "She should be here already, right?"

Zahir and Shine both shrugged. Felix, however, made a face as he pulled out his phone. "She has days where she shows up super late," he said, "or not at all. But that's usually bad news."

Anxiety flared in Elise's chest. Felix' normally relaxed, goofy face had tensed up with visible worry, his ever-relaxed tone replaced by a quieter, more serious voice. And if he, who knew Jen better than anyone, was this worried, just how bad was it?

"You think she's sick?" she asked.

"Nah," said Felix. "She'd have complained already. She'll be fine for the performance," he added, guessing Elise's worries. "But when she shows up, we need to be careful around her."

"…What?"

"It's okay. I'm gonna try to reach her." Felix typed a message on his phone. "We should probably start without her, though."

Elise's heart sank. Without Jen around she couldn't help feeling strangely lonely.

"Okay," she said heavily, trying not to let her disappointment show. "Singing alone again, huh…" She offered a laugh. "I'll do my best."

And she did, more or less. Without Jen by her side she didn't feel comfortable performing, nor did she have the breath to; all she could do was stand there and sing, trying not to notice how small her voice sounded without Jen's more powerful one holding her up. All along her eyes remained glued to the door, waiting and waiting in vain for it to open and reveal the familiar mop of bright pink hair.

She couldn't offer advice to the guys either. She didn't have Jen's music sense or clinical precision; she couldn't tell when the three behind her made a mistake or played something not quite how they should. Thankfully, the others had enough knowledge to exchange it among themselves; especially Felix and Shine dealt out tips and suggestions to each other and Zahir. No one tried to change anything about Elise's singing. Maybe they wanted to leave it to Jen. Maybe they didn't think she could do any better. Or maybe they just didn't feel comfortable offering constructive criticism to her yet.

Elise sang, but it brought her no satisfaction. She felt like a guest again, someone standing on the sidelines as the guys talked among themselves, unable to join in. She had no idea what they were talking about at all, and she didn't want to butt in or change the subject. With time, she thought, she would hopefully understand. But right now she only felt like an idiot.

And still she waited and waited for that stupid door to open.

Practice time went by and ended. Jen never did show up.

Her heart heavy, Elise put on her coat and picked up her bag for the long, lonely walk back to the station. Normally, she thought, she and Jen would be laughing and talking for the entire way, maybe even come up with a new song idea. But today, it seemed, she would only have her own thoughts for company.

"Have you heard back from Jen?" she asked Felix as she was about to leave. "Anything about how she's doing?"

Felix shook his head. "I just checked," he said. "She hasn't read it."

Forcing a smile, she nodded and turned to leave. "Okay," she said. "Thanks anyway."

"Hold up."

She paused.

Slinging his backpack over one shoulder, Felix smiled. "You're going to the station, right?" he said. "I need to go there too. Wanna walk together?"

It wasn't Jen, she thought. But it was a million times better than walking alone.

"Sure!" she said, her face lighting up, for real this time. "Good timing," she added with a laugh. "I really wasn't looking forward to walking alone!"

Shine threw on his jacket. "You guys mind if I join you?"

Felix tilted his head in confusion. "Didn't you drive here?"

"Yeah," Shine answered, unfazed. "Your point?"

"Uh…isn't it…you know." Elise gestured vaguely. "Kind of pointless for you to walk us to the station?"

Shine didn't bat an eye. "Why?"

"…I really don't know how to explain this—"

"If even you don't know, why're you asking?" Shine retorted with a devilish grin, laughing out loud at the look of absolute shock Elise sent him. Elise sighed but grinned back. Alright, fine, she really should've seen that punchline coming.

"Okay, okay," she said. "Do whatever you want, I mean, it's your time that you're wasting."

Shine only laughed again. Felix turned to Zahir. "Are you coming too, Za—"

But he found the guitarist already gone.

"Hm," he said. "Or not."

The walk back was fun and much more lively than Elise had hoped for. Felix and Shine were both chatty, cheerful people, and it was easy to laugh and talk with them; mostly nonsense, but it was great medicine against her worries. And yet, as soon as she was alone again, the heavy thoughts came back.

Should she message Jen?

On one hand, she didn't want to intrude. She definitely didn't want to bother her or make her feel pressured to talk to her. But on the other hand, she had managed to comfort her before. And maybe it would help just to have a friendly ear to listen to her worries, to simply know she didn't have to deal with things alone.

She was afraid. But by the time she got home, the worry still hadn't left her. And so, when she was alone in her room again, she pulled herself together and composed a message.

Hey, you weren't there today so, is everything okay? You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to, but I'll listen if you want to talk.

After hesitating for another moment she hit send. And waited.

She didn't have to wait long before the screen lit up with a reply.

Elise almost tripped over herself snatching her phone off the nightstand. Jen had sent two messages in quick succession; one was a YouTube link, the other only a simple request.

listen to this

Elise clicked the link. It led to a lyric video by another band she and Jen both liked: Terrifying Kindness, an even bigger name than The 4AM. The song's title was No Place.

She listened. Really listened.

"I break myself open
I laugh through the pain
I keep on moving till my legs give way
At the end of the day
Where can I come to stay
In a world with no place for me?"

Her throat tightened, a chill running down her spine. The gripping voice of Joel Aimes was enough to transform every song into an emotional ballad, but this one was raw, cutting deep, like a scream for help from a sea of despair. Why had Jen sent her this? Was this how she felt?

I listened to it, Elise wrote back. This hits hard…What's brought this on?

This time around, Jen didn't respond for a while.

When the screen finally lit up again with a reply, Elise's heart sank.

dont worry :), the message read. im ok now :)

She was definitely not okay, Elise could tell that at a glance.

But she also couldn't pressure the truth out of someone who didn't want to talk about it.