The next day, we had some surprise visitors. Grammy and Grampy decided to pop in late in the morning. At the time that they came over, I was downstairs on the couch like usual. I couldn’t really go anywhere anyways. I wanted to go see them with my siblings, and Dad, but my god, was I ever tired. I didn’t understand why. I had been eating at mealtimes, so why didn’t I have energy?
“Hey sweetie.” Grammy and Grampy came into the living room and gave me a hug. Everyone joined me in the living room and sat down. I tried to sit up to give some extra space, but almost passed out from the effort it took. Dad scolded me for not taking it easy, which just made me feel bad. It wasn’t fair that Bella and Jack had to sit on the floor because I was hogging the couch.
Everyone was chatting it up, whilst I tried not to fall asleep. I was trying to be active in the conversation but my brain couldn’t keep up with them. So I just remained quiet. I felt myself drift away from where I really was, and slowly stopped hearing everyone’s chatting. Before I knew it, I had faded off from reality. It was nice and freeing, but felt very cold and lonely at the same time. I tried getting myself back into it, but just kept drifting off further, getting lost in my many scrambled thoughts. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I felt someone put their hands on me and I came crashing back into reality with a small scream and an unknown impact.
I found myself on the floor of the living room with Bella, Jack, Dad and both Grammy and Grampy surrounding me. It felt like my heart had sunk into my stomach from the sudden scare. Out of breath, I tried figuring out what the hell happened. Why was I on the ground? What happened?
“Geez! You scared us!” Dad cried. “What was that?? Grammy touched you and you screamed and fell off the couch!”
“D-did I?” I mumbled. “S-s-sorry…”
“I didn’t mean to wake you up like that.” Grammy apologized as Dad helped me back onto the couch. “I’m sorry about this.”
“I-it’s ok.” I said shakily. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you guys.”
“Did you fall asleep, or did you dissociate?” Grampy asked.
“Dissociate?”
“It’s when someone loses touch with reality, and almost emotionally splits from the body.” Grampy explained. “Someone in your state would definitely be prone to it.”
I shrugged. “I might’ve… I don’t really know.”
“Judging by the way you reacted from being touched, I’d say you did.” Grampy sighed. “Most people I know don’t wake up that easily, and then get scared so badly they fall over.”
I laughed slightly. Add dissociation to my list of issues. Great. Just what I needed.
Grammy and Grampy stayed until late that night. Because they were over, Dad ended up getting something easy for dinner. What’s easy? Takeout. I was NOT happy about that. I hadn’t eaten out in so long, and I really didn’t want to eat that shit food anytime soon. So when I saw Dad come home with burgers and fries for everyone, I had a fit. It was embarrassing to act like that in front of everyone, but at the time, I didn’t care. It took Dad quite a bit to get me to calm down, and eventually he just had me go to my room to calm down. He had to carry a screaming and crying version of me upstairs to my room, and leave me on my own to calm down. It only made me more upset when he said he’d get me something else to eat later.
I sulked like a child after he left me to my own. I was upset at not only him for thinking I’d eat that shit, but also myself for being such a baby. I did want to be with the family and have a good time, but not when we were all eating fast food. No thank you. I want no part. I was on my own for about an hour before Grammy came upstairs to see me. By that time, I had calmed down quite a bit, and was a bit more tolerable.
“Hey.” She said as she opened my door. “You ok?”
“No.” I said. “When am I ever ok?”
“Can I come in?”
“Whatever.”
Grammy came in and sat on my bedside. She went to try and comfort me, but I slapped her hand away. I didn’t want to be touched.
“Moody, aren’t we?” Grammy joked. “I just wanted to see how you were before your grampy and I left.”
I gave her a sour look.
“You look exactly like your father when you make that face.” Grammy laughed. “It’s almost funny. He used to give me that face all the time. Especially when I told him he couldn’t do something.”
“Good to know.”
“Anywho. I wish you the best of luck with treatment next week.” She said. “I know you can get through this. You’re strong.”
“...Thanks.” I mumbled.
“If you ever need anything, just give me a call. I’ll be happy to listen.” She got up and gave me a small pat on the back. “And do try not to stress your poor father out. He’s going to have white hair by the time this is over with the way you two are going.”
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