The walk to the empty bedroom feels like dragging my feet through quicksand. I fight to keep my eyes open with every step. My legs keep trying to collapse beneath me. I could fall asleep standing upright if I let myself.
If I had known Lianna would be the one moving into the spare room, I would have run away this afternoon. Or at least, I would have tried to find a way to not run into her. Maybe I should have hidden inside the school until I absolutely had to leave. Instead, I walked in on them moving in.
It would take them hours before they were done going in and out of the room. I had to find a way out of this.
But Lianna’s got her arm around my neck and we’re heading upstairs where no one can save me.
The last time I was alone with her she’d ruined a part of the world for me. At least, two people in the world and perhaps the locker room in general. I should just avoid the gym from now on.
I stop at the first door on the right and she bumps into me. The box rattles against her. I can feel her looking down at me. Her perfume is still sickeningly sweet. My nose burns.
The closed door blocks us from the room. I don’t know how long we’re going to stand there just looking at it, but I know I can’t be the first one to go in. My hands shake and my stomach twists as I take a deep breath. I want to fall to the ground, curl up in a ball, and pretend the entire past week didn’t happen.
It’s not going to happen when she’s right behind me.
It still hasn’t fully settled in. She’s going to be living here. Everyday. Home was the one escape for me these past few days. This is the only place where I can get away from the shit world and all human beings. Now, I don’t have anywhere to go. I can’t even have peace in my own home.
Lianna gives a small laugh. “Okay…”
She opens the door, pulling her arm off my shoulders, and steps into the doorway. There’s instant relief when she pulls away. The warmth like burning coal pressed against my back is gone. My lips and mouth are so dry I can’t get any relief from licking them.
“Am I that repulsive?”
I look up at her. Her words are a slap to the face much like when I accused her of stealing.
Right. I haven’t apologized for that yet.
She tilts her head and steps back into the room. Her eyes wander around the empty room. As if she’s trying to fill our uncomfortable silence with her own silent words. I try to figure out what she’s saying, but the messages are lost. I follow her into the room.
She moves to the center of the room and sits the box down.
I get another chance to look at her when she bends over. There’s no fear that she’ll catch me staring, but the reassurance doesn’t make me feel better. When she came in, I’d been in too much shock to really take a look at her. Sure, I noticed her clothes and all that, but I hadn’t looked at her.
She’s beautiful. It’s the absolute truth I haven’t admitted to myself or even uttered in my head. She’s not the conventional type of beautiful. She’s confident, able to convey emotions in the way she moves, and is boyish in a way. She’s no tomboy, but there’s something about her that screams dominance.
Maybe it’s the way she doesn’t take shit from anyone. She speaks her mind.
She straightens. I don’t avert my eyes fast enough.
She crosses her arms. She walks towards me and without thinking, I back up until I’m pressed against the wall. My heart drops and I feel the air whoosh out of my lungs. I clench my hands and try to force a breath into my chest. She’s as close as she was in the locker room. I stare over her shoulder to avoid her eyes.
She places her hand on the wall. It feels like a joke. A sick joke.
Her eyes burn into my face. I wish I have the guts to knock her back, but all the bravado I had is gone. I’d accused her of stealing and was forced to eat my words. I hate that I might fuck something up again. And my arms feel like spaghetti. Even if I had the balls to knock her back, I don’t have the strength to do anything. I’d look more weak and pathetic than I already do.
“Why…” She leans down. She’s trying to get me to look at her. She snorts softly when I don’t budge. She turns her head. She’s looking out the window.
That’s when I look at her. She’s not really staring out the window. Her eyes have a faraway look in them.
“Why did you think I was stealing from you?”
I stiffen. I look down and clutch the bottom of my shirt. I feel ridiculous. She’s treating me like a kid.
There’s something hidden in her question. I hate that I’m in this situation. I hate that she’s in my house, in the home I grew up in, and I hate that I feel like I owe her something.
For a good minute, we stand there. Her eyes flash around the room once more and then they’re back on me. I can feel her dip her neck. She crouches down to get a better look at my face.
There’s no smile on her face. It’s blank. Her smirk is the thing I hate most about her, but I don’t like this either. With the smirk, I knew what she was kinda thinking. She’s a void when she isn’t wearing it.
“I…” The words catch in my throat the second our eyes meet. I search in them for what I want to say. “…I made a mistake.”
Her eyes widen.
Before she can reply, footsteps sound from down the hall. Then I hear Mom’s voice.
Lianna straightens up and backs away just as Mom walks through the doorway.
Mom and a blond woman—who I can definitely see the resemblance to Lianna—steps into the room.
“Hey, girls,” the woman says and holds out her hand to me. “I’m Carol, Lianna’s mom.”
“Hello,” I say. My voice does a squeaky sound that I clear away with a nervous cough. I take her hand.
She’s got a firm grip. When she lets go my hand throbs from the tight squeeze. Her smile looks just like Lianna’s. Though Lianna is always hiding something more sinister behind her’s.
Carol transfers the box she’s handling with one hand to the ground. She pushes it against the wall and stands up with her hands on her waist.
“Well, I’d love to chat with you youngsters but I want to get this room set up by tonight.” Her cheery voice echoes in the empty room. Mom laughs.
I stare as Mom gives a genuine grin to Carol who I swear she’s only just met.
Lianna rolls her eyes. “I don’t know where you’re getting hours. We barely have enough stuff to fit in the car.”
When I mentally stand back, I can see all three of them clearly. A mother and daughter, one of which only looks a little different from the other. Lianna gets most of her mannerisms from Carol. In only a few minutes, I see how closely they are.
Lianna places her hands on her hips. She has the same air about her as Carol. The only thing that drives them apart is the coldness embedded in Lianna.
It sounds absurd, but there’s something about her that makes the hair on the back of my neck raise.
Carol points her finger at Lianna. “Then let’s get to it!”
She slaps her hand down on Mom’s shoulder and struts out the door.
Mom comically looks out after Carol before turning to us.
“Everything okay?” She’s looking at me. Her smile is still there, but it’s fading. I know it’s because of me.
I smile back at her.
And, just to annoy me, Lianna tosses her arm once more around my neck. She pulls me close and my head smashes onto her chest.
“She’s a little upset we’re not sharing a room.”
I wiggle from her grip. “I’m not!”
She laughs. “Finally she talks.”
Mom gives us a curious but nonetheless, happy grin. “I thought you said Liza was your only friend.”
Liza. That’s a joke. We’ve become strangers.
“That’s Maya for you,” Lianna says. Her arm tightens around me. I glare up at her.
Mom’s oblivious. So goddamn oblivious.
“That’s great.” She pats me on the back and steps back towards the door. “I’m gonna go down and help. Stay good okay?”
I don’t bother to say anything.
When she’s gone, Lianna pulls me in even closer. This time, she doesn’t mind about getting too close. She presses her lips against my ear.
“I’m going to love being your neighbor.”
A chill runs down my spine. I’m screaming on the inside. Instead of pushing her away or retorting for her to shut up, I can only stand frozen. I let her press against me lightly. Then, she lets go. It’s only a second, but it felt like an eternity in her arms.
She turns around at the door and winks. Her pony-tail spins over her shoulder. She’s wearing her signature smirk.
“Lianna! Come help me with this box!”
And then she’s gone.
Reeling from what happened, I sag against the wall. My hands are shaking and my head feels like it’s going to crack open. The way she pressed against me and the way she tripped me against the wall kept repeating in my head. My thoughts jump from trying to figure out what the fuck happened and to where I can fix it all.
But I know I can’t fix the real problem. Lianna is going to be living with me. It’s the truth. That’s how it’s going to be and I have to get use to it.
I smother my face into my open palms.
If my life was shit before, I don’t know what to call it now.
I’m completely terrified of what else she would bring.
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