In this dream, I was laying on the couch in the living room. Everything around me was blurry and oddly quiet. I looked around me, trying to figure out what was going on. I tried to get up and explore a bit, but I quickly found that I was confined to the couch.
"Oh sweetie…" I heard a familiar voice. A voice I haven't heard in years.
"M-mum?" I stuttered. Right when I said that, Mum walked into my field of vision, and sat down in front of me. She looked exactly how I remembered her. She had a smile on her freckled face, brown eyes that shined, and her curly red hair was back in a ponytail as usual. I almost cried when I saw her. It felt like she was really there. I wanted to hold her again, and talk to her.
"Well, who else would it be?" Mum laughed slightly. Mum was a very optimistic person, and would always choose to see the positive in everything. Even in dark times, she would always manage to smile. Right up to the day she passed away from cancer.
"What are you doing here?" I asked. I tried sitting up, but I still couldn't move.
"My question is, why are you here?" Mum said. Her smile dropped a bit, and she gave me a worried look. When her smile dropped like that, I knew things weren’t good.
"What do you mean? As far as I know, this is just a dream." I replied. It was one of those dreams that were hyper realistic and I seemed to be fully aware that it was a dream.
Mum shook her head. "For now it is."
I gave her a puzzled look. What in the world did she mean by that? Dreams were just my mind imagining things. None of this was real, nor would it be. Mum's smile dropped completely, and she held out her hand. She motioned me to take her hand. Confused, I shakily reached out and took her hand. I was surprised I was able to move it. It was like the lock on my body came undone. The second our hands touched, everything around us went white. The couch I was laying on turned into a hospital bed. Many tubes and machines were hooked up to me, including a feeding tube. Immediately, I panicked. What was going on?? I looked back at mum in panic. She was still holding my hand with a sad expression.
"Is this what you really want?" Mum asked quietly.
I looked at her with fear. "Of c-course not!"
"Well, you do know this is where you're heading if you don't start making some serious changes, right?"
"I have been making changes! I've been eating!"
"You know very well that you haven't been eating enough." Mum said.
I looked away from her. She knew I wasn’t trying, and even if this was all fake, it stung.
"This Diana you let have control?" Mum said with a sigh. "She's got more control over you than you think. She's convinced you you're eating so much, that you won't lose weight, which will keep you in the safe zone."
“I don’t think I’m going to die!” I cried. “Not anytime soon at least!”
“And yet you’re here.” Mum replied. “If that were the case, you wouldn’t be here. Believe me.”
“It’s not like I’ve lost a bunch of weight or anything! I should be fine! Especially once I go to outpatient!”
Mum sighed. She looked down at the ground. Confused, I looked at where she was looking and saw a scale. It had magically appeared out of thin air. Mum looked back up at me, and I could tell she wanted me to get on the scale. Hesitantly, I got up and went to do it. I was no longer stuck in place, and was easily able to get up, which surprised me. I stood up on the scale and looked away from the number. I didn't want to see it. I didn't even understand why she was making me step on.
"Look at it, Diane." Mum said sternly. I groaned, and slowly shifted my eyes to the scale. For a second I thought I read the number wrong.
"O-oh my god…"
I stumbled back onto the hospital bed. I couldn't believe it. It couldn't be real. This was all just a dream! There was no way I could even have dropped that much weight in just a couple weeks! That was impossible! Not with how much I was eating!
"See?" Mum said. "Diana has more control over you than you think. She's tricked you into thinking you're eating a lot when you're really not."
"H-how?" I asked shakily. “I don’t understand!”
“You know the answer to that.” Mum replied. “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. You’re not eating enough.”
“But… I-I don’t know how to fix it…” I mumbled. “I really thought I was doing just a little bit better…”
Mum shook her head. "No. No, you're not. You may be eating a little more than before, which is an improvement, but it’s not enough to save you. You’ve simply just adjusted to your situation."
I looked up at mum. I didn't know what to do. And why I was having this dream. This was all so confusing! All of the sudden, mum looked behind her. I was about to ask what she was looking at, but I saw what it was before I could.
"W-who's that?" I stuttered, even though I already knew who it was. Behind mum was someone who looked like me. Same hair, same round glasses, same body shape. The only differences were her red eyes, and stick thin figure. The ombre in her hair was a dull red, whilst mine was golden, and she also had an abundance of earrings on her right ear. She was definitely way skinnier than I was. It was scary to look at.
"That, would be your 'friend' Diana."
I stared at Diana in fear, and she stared back. Her cold glare sent shivers down my spine. She scared the absolute shit out of me.
"Well, well." Diana smiled. Her voice was cold and raspy. "About time we met! I was getting tired of you seeing me as just a voice."
Diana started walking towards me and my mum. She was using a cane made of bones to walk. It was obvious she needed it, because she didn't look like she could support herself without it. Every step she took echoed through the emptiness we sat in, and with every step, I felt more and more terrified.
"You're not in control anymore. I am. And you haven't got anyone else to blame but yourself for that. You welcomed me in with open arms, now deal with it."
Mum raised a brow at me as if she was expecting me to do something. Then she turned around and faced Diana again. She was staying oddly quiet. Desperately, I tried pinching myself so I could wake up, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get out of there. I was stuck in this situation, and now had to face Diana head on.
"Aw look." Diana teased. "Mommy's not protecting you? Shame."
"What would you know about protecting anyone?!" I yelled at her. Nobody, and I mean nobody said stuff like that about my mum. Dream or not. "All you do is hurt people! Not once did you protect me! So don't say that about her!"
Diana looked at me in uninterested surprise. Then out of nowhere, she started giggling. The giggling evolved into a laugh, and then a louder manic laugh. This girl was crazy!
"HAHA!" Diana laughed loudly. "Oh dear, oh dear. Sweetheart, all I've done is protect you! Food is dangerous, so I protected you from it! I gave you the self control to stop poisoning your body with that crap!"
"Food is not poison!" I argued. "Not eating is poisonous! If you couldn’t tell, it's killing me!"
Diana shrugged. "And? Why's that matter to me? I don't care."
"You want me dead."
"Duh. No surprise there." Diana chuckled. "I mean, it's not like you're actually going to try and go against me anyway, so the deed is as good as done. It's only a matter of time."
"No." I stated firmly. I was sweating ridiculously bad because I was so scared of rubbing her too far the wrong way. She was nasty enough as a voice, but in this place I had no idea what she was capable of.
Diana raised a brow. "No? Please do explain."
Mum looked my way. "Tell her. Tell her, Diane."
"Ah! You stay out of it." Diana shushed mum. "I want to hear this in her own words."
"No." I re-stated again. "...I'm not letting you take my life. I'm taking control. This is my body, not yours."
"Oh, you are now?"
"Yes."
"Aw, right when things were getting fun?" Diana fake pouted. "C'mon now, don't take all my fun away."
"Your fun is taking my life away." I hissed. Her dramatic attitude pissed me off. "And I'm not allowing that anymore. I want my life back. And it's not going to involve you."
Diana looked about ready to snap. "Oh I think it is going to involve me. You have no choice. I’ll always be around. Forever."
"No. It's not." I said firmly. “And if you stick around, then I’ll just ignore you.”
"Oh, so now you're gonna go against me? Look brave for your mama? Well, you should know by now, that you are nothing but a worthless piece of trash! So stop acting all brave, because I promise you, that you don't want to be on my bad side!!"
Diana's hands were starting to look deformed. Her anger was messing with her appearance. The color went from a full grey skin tone to a pure black. Her hands were no longer normal. They were almost like claws you would see for a shadow monster. Diana saw me glancing at her hands, and shot me a death glare.
"I told you." She hissed. "You don't want to be on my bad side. I will make your life a living hell."
"If having to go against you so I can recover puts me on your bad side…" I said hesitantly. I was scared of what she was going to do, but she already made life hell enough as it was. What more could she do? "...Then I'm willing to take my chances."
Diana exploded with anger. Quite literally. Within seconds, she broke through the human shell she was using, and showed her true form. She was - no, IT was an enormous black shadow with red glowing eyes that scared the shit out of me. Her sudden outburst caused a change in the environment. What was all white, went black, and cold harsh winds blew strong.
I was terrified. I had to go against this?! I felt something wrap around my arms, legs and neck. I looked down to see red strings were tied around my limbs, and they all led to Diana. The red strings were her control. And believe me, with the amount of strings she had attached to me, there was no doubt she had more control than I could ever imagine.
"YOU REALLY WANT TO GO AGAINST ME?! REALLY AND TRULY?!" Diana bellowed. "CUZ' I DON'T MIND RIPPING YOU APART!!! I HAVE THE CONTROL, REMEMBER?!"
"IT'S MY BODY GOD DAMN IT!!" I screamed at Diana. I was done being treated like shit by her. "I'M NOT SCARED OF YOU! YOU'RE NOT EVEN REAL!!"
"Oh, I'm very real." Diana hissed in a low voice. She was pissed I was talking back. "It's my body now. You're mine. You don't even have the power to take your body back."
I glared at her. I was trying to think of something to say, but it was hard to think of anything.
"Aw poor baby. Don't give me that. C'mon, let's have some fun! Makes your last couple days worthwhile!"
I needed a way to break the control she had over me. As long as she still had some control, she’d make sure I didn’t eat enough to survive much longer. I didn’t have a death wish. I wanted out of this hell. I looked to mum for advice, and saw her staring at the red strings that were tied to me. The strings. I had to break the strings.
I grabbed the strings and yanked on them. They seemed too solid to simply yank apart, but frail enough I could cut through them. So, as a backup plan, I pulled the strings up to my mouth and tore them apart with my teeth. Successfully, I broke through a couple of them before Diana yanked them her way and I fell forward with them. She wasn’t about to make it easy for me to get the strings off. But, I kept at it. I kept tearing the strings with my teeth. I wasn’t going to be her puppet anymore.
I could hear mum yelling. "It's your body! Fight for it!"
That's exactly what I did. I kept biting those strings off until I finally broke the last one. At the snap of the final string, I heard Diana scream loudly, before she vanished. However, I could still her strong presence nearby.
"The war begins now."
That was the last thing I heard her say before she completely faded, and everything went back to being the glowy white it was before. I fell to the ground, and laid there in silence. Mum walked up to me and sat down next to me. I was still having a hard time figuring out what in the world happened. It all felt so real!
"Things are going to get really hard." Mum said quietly. "You really gotta fight her. Don't let her get the control back."
"I won't let her get control back." I sighed. "I hope."
"Better not." Mum replied. "I don't want to see you here more than I have to."
"What is this place anyway?"
"This? This is a place between life and death. You know that train station Dumbledore meets Harry in for Harry Potter? Basically that. Just no trains."
"Oh." I said. Mum was a bit of a nerd, so of course she would use a Harry Potter reference. "So, why are you here? I know I'm here because, well, I'm not in great condition. But you? You're already dead."
Mum shrugged. "That's like asking Dumbledore why he was in that place with Harry even though he was dead. I just am."
"You and your Harry Potter references, I swear to god."
Mum laughed, and I laughed with her. After we had our good laugh, she checked her watch.
"Oh dear." She said. "Morning is coming. You're going to be waking up soon."
"But I want to stay with you." I said. Despite this being a place that was in between life and death, it was peaceful. And it was nice to be around mum. I missed her a lot.
"Oh honey, I'm sorry." Mum said as she pulled me into a hug. "You need to get back to your father and siblings. You gotta fight that disorder, remember? And besides, it does get quite lonely. YOu don’t want to stay here, believe me."
"Ugh… I know."
"Don't worry. You can do this. And besides, I won't doubt you'll be back here tonight. And if you are, I'll be waiting for you."
"You will?"
"Mhm." Mum smiled. "And you can tell me all about your day. Sound ok? Just try not to make it your goal to land here every night. You need to get yourself to a better state and live life."
I nodded. I cuddled up to mum and tried not to cry. I closed my eyes, and started dozing off. Within a couple seconds, I was completely asleep, and everything went quiet.
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