By the look on her face, she isn’t as happy as I am to be here. Though I can’t tell much by the look she’s sending me, I can tell there is something deeper going on with her.
Lianna is a ticking bomb in some aspects. It’s pretty obvious what she can do. She would just explode if things don’t go her way.
But in other aspects, she’s completely off the grid. I can’t even pinpoint what she could be planning inside that head of hers.
It bothered me to know that she’s become fixated on me. Maybe I’m getting in over my head. She could still be riding on the high she got when she showed me Zoey sucking off Jack.
That was the moment I knew I can’t trust her. It had nothing to do with what others said about her. I’ve heard that shit since the beginning of high school.
She looks down at me. Her brows furrow and the edges of her mouth pull down into a frown. It deepens as her eyes flicker up. I look to where her gaze is directed. I see just the end of the hall. Riley and Liza just turned the corner when I look up.
That might be the problem. I don’t want to think about it.
“Are you going to go back to her?”
I look down at my feet. “You make it sound like she’s my ex.”
She snorts. “Abusive I should add.”
I shake my head and tighten my hold on my backpack’s strap. “It’s not like that. We’re best friends.”
“Best friends don’t talk shit about each other.”
It’s my turn to raise a brow. “What are you talking about?”
This time she doesn’t blurt out her thoughts. She twists the cuff of her jacket with her forefinger and thumb. The edge of the frayed fabric is falling apart in her hand, but she keeps pulling on it. “I hear things. It doesn’t matter. Let’s go.”
She turns on her heel and walks out of the cafeteria doors. I go after her while glancing over my shoulder. There is no one in the cafeteria except those eating lunch. They aren’t paying attention.
I chase after her with only one fleeting though on my mind. It’s about social studies and how if I’m not in my seat in the next three minutes Liza isn’t going to give me another chance.
But Lianna is looking back at me like I’d be dumb if I go back.
The excitement thrumming through me feels more like pumping my bloodstream with adrenaline. It feels like I’ve wolfed down a bunch of pills to get high and this is just the beginning affects.
Lianna has that same angry look on her face, but it isn’t nearly as bad as it would be if I turn my back on her again. Liza can wait.
I still have time.
The hallway is dim lit and deserted as it usually is. While the main part of the school has been renovated during the last two years, this hallway and all the classrooms on this side have been left alone. It’s the reason why no one uses these rooms except when there’s a function that needs more rooms such as Debate and Forensics.
As if some force from above could read my thoughts, a gust of cold air falls over me. I cross my arms and rub my open palms over my exposed arms.
Must be from an open air vent. No need to get scared.
Even as I think that, I can’t calm the chattering of my teeth. Lianna turns back at me and slows her stride.
“Getting scared?”
I glare at her. “Tell me when we’re going.”
“The gym.”
I stop. “What?”
She turns on her heels once more and opens her arms. She looks too at ease for this to not be a plan. “It’s different. I promise.”
I shouldn’t believe anything that comes out of her mouth. She’s nothing but trouble.
“You promise?”
The words sound stupid. I sound stupid. No wonder Lianna likes to tease and pull me along. I’m too easy to manipulate.
Lianna tilts her head. I want so badly to know what she’s thinking.
“Would that make a difference?”
I swallow. My hands grab a hold of my backpack straps. They twist and pull the straps until I feel the inside of my palms go raw from the friction.
“Yeah. It would.”
We fall into a silence I would have been more than happy to destroy with my voice, but I know if I open my mouth it would be a bunch of nonsense. Excuses. That’s the word I’m looking for. What I don’t count for is the strange sense that someone is watching us.
I look over my shoulder. The feeling is like fingers crawling up the back of my neck.
When I look forward again, Lianna is watching me. The corners of her mouth curl up for a second before she forces the smile away.
She’s nothing like Liza. While I’m stuck here with someone I’d rather watch disappear, Liza is with her new friend Riley.
Riley.
I grit my teeth.
She’s probably sitting in my seat. I can see her leaning over in her chair, placing her hand on Liza’s arm, whispering in her ear. I could have been there, but instead, I’m here, letting Lianna twist me around her finger one more time.
We exit the main building and cross over to the gym doors. I’m screaming on the inside, my fear peaking when we finally enter the dark gym. There could be a class. There could be kids inside. But Lianna is like going against the waves of the ocean during a horrific storm. It’s impossible to imagine doing anything else but going along with it.
It’s what I did. I hate it. I hate that I can’t speak up for myself in times like this. I hate that I can’t stand up to her when she’s so close to me. It’s like she’s setting me on fire and I’m supposed to be grateful she paid me even an ounce of attention.
[
She stops in the middle of the lobby.
Around us, the chairs are pushed neatly under the chairs. The window to the concession stand is locked with a metal sheet.
The gym is silent.
We’re alone.
“When we met, it was kinda funny.”
The sun is fading. Dark gray clouds cover the sky. The room turns dark. The shadows edge closer toward us, their long fingers stretching out for the heels of Lianna’s sneakers. I look down at them, counting the aching seconds that pass. I keep counting until the shadows finally touch her. When I look up, they fall over her face. The look in her eyes pierces through me.
It takes me a second to even understand that she’s actually looking at me. She’s not looking at the shadows eating me. The shadows pluck my flesh from my body. They leave me meatless, skinless, breathless. I’m dying. Submerged in boiling lava, the darkness pulls me down until I can only see her beautiful face. Until I can only hear the screams coming from my head.
I frown. “It might have been for you.”
She laughs. “What? You didn’t think any of it was funny? Not even when we ended up living together?”
I think she’s playing a game. If the look on her face is any indication, it’s a game I know I’m not going to be good at.
I twist the strap of my bag a couple times. She’s waiting for my response. I know I shouldn’t keep her waiting, but I don’t have it in me to confess all the things going on inside my head. She has a lot of things she wants to hear. I could give them to her. I wonder what she would do if I told her the truth. Would it scare her off? Or would it make her more interested?
“Not funny. At all.”
The space between us is gobbled up by her body. I hold my breath as she leans forward. The morning conversation flickers through my head. Her face inches away from mine, the smell of her perfume, and the soft brush of her lips against mine are all I can think about. I know I should be separating myself from this. I know this isn’t right.
I’m thinking about it for all the wrong reasons.
She hovers in front of me, face masked by the person she pretends to be. “You know, I haven’t seen you laugh or smile once.”
“It’s not like I have anything to be happy about when I’m around you,” I mumble.
The shadows are getting darker. A flash of lightening lights up the lobby. Her face is the same. Still beautiful. Still frightening.
“Ouch. You really got me there.” For a moment, I think she’s going to pull away.
I’m wrong.
She leans completely in.
“What are you doing?” My voice is shaking. So are my hands.
I take a deep breath. The sky distracts me for the briefest of seconds. Away from here, in another world, I’m no where near her. I don’t understand why it had to be me to suffer the torment. Mom always says things happen for a reason. This doesn’t seem like a good reason. It seems like torture and punishment for a crime I don’t remember committing.
“You know.”
The last inch between us disappears.
I narrow my eyes. I’m shaking more than last time. My hands ball into fists. I can already see the aftermath as I think about the feeling of my fist coming into contact with her face. I resist the urge even though she deserves it.
“Is this what you wanted to show me?”
I place my hand on the center of her chest, open palm flat against her rib cage. I give a light shove. She doesn’t even stumble.
She frowns and steps back. “Kinda.”
And that’s where I want it to end. I don’t want to think about how it felt to be so close to her. She’s like a drug I can’t help but want and hate at the same time. Anger. It’s always hate running through my body when I’m around her. There’s no healthy way of getting her out of my system.
Her eyes are looking far out into the distance. I can’t take my eyes off her’s. Swimming inside them are questions and thoughts I want to pluck out. I want to examine them, tear them apart until I understand. Everything that makes Lianna who she is must be there. If I could just get a sliver, I might find what she’s searching for. And after that…
I could give it to her and finally be free of this feeling.
She turns toward her shoes. I don’t see what is interesting about the tips of her shoes. They’re white converse sneakers covered in streaks of dirt.
Her tongue swipes along the bottom of her lip. “This doesn’t have to mean anything.”
I don’t know what she means. I cross my arms and try to find the answer. Maybe they’re printed on the top of my shoes.
“My feelings,” she says. My ears are ringing. “You can ignore them.”
My heart stops. Just when I think I can breathe again she twists it with her bare hands. It’s always her throwing confusion into the mix.
I turn to the side, look behind me, and then wait for her to clarify. She can’t mean what I think she means.
But when I look at her, meet her eyes, I know exactly what she means.
“I think it would be best if we stayed…” I swallow. My face is burning and my stomach is sour with spoiled words. “…away.”
The shadows hide the burning emotions flickering over her face. But under it all, I know she wants to yell at me.
That’s not the truth. It’s my emotions twisting reality.
She loves this. She wants me to hurt.
I nod, agreeing with myself. “Yeah. That would be best.”
My feet move on their own. I’m at the door before I can blink. Before I leave the cold gym, the hauntingly dark lobby, I turn to look at her one more time.
For once, I feel sorry for doing this to her. I want to say how awful I was, but I can’t. The words are once again stuck in my throat. I’m burning from the inside, blood boiling, and my heart racing. I know there will never be another chance to right the wrong. I need to desperately believe I can make it right in time.
The cold stormy wind whips my hair back. I feel a storm racing toward the school. The sky is dark as black ice.
It looks to similar to her eyes.
I can only catch my breath when I’m inside the main school building.
I look around the empty hall. Her words replay in my head. Something about them makes me wonder.
When she brought me to the gym, I thought it meant something. At first, it was a joke she wanted to play on me. However, I got a sick feeling that is wrong.
I don’t have a clue as to what Zoey and this disgusting business have to do with me or Lianna.
Even so, when I turn to walk back through the cafeteria, I’ve made up my mind.
I need to find the connection. If I don’t, I won’t be able to get my old life back.
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