The ceiling fan is telling me to get over it.
It's five wooden petal arms stretch out toward the open window and the closed door. Laying under it, my back pressed flat against the carpet floor, I trace the still petals with my eyes. Each word is pronounced firmly in my head. Each syllable is another smack to my forehead. There's something to say about inanimate objects talking to me, some life lesson I could paint on a cheap canvas and sell for a fortune, but I'm content in ignoring it.
For once, this Saturday afternoon doesn't make me want to slit my wrists. The sun peeks from the cotton white clouds and the warm wind that blows through my open window fills my lungs. It smells like life. Peace.
I close my eyes.
It won't last. Here in this moment, drifting away from my bedroom, I already know this is a sort of goodbye. When I open my eyes again, I see all the mistakes I made this year. They're lined up in front of me.
Liza is the first on the list. I can't say where it all went wrong. We were fine the summer before. Before we had to think about our lives after this year ends.
And then it all went downhill in a matter of days.
"Lianna! Are you ready?"
I throw my arm over my eyes with a sigh.
It's like the universe wants me to not forget about her.
The front door slams and I hear bare feet slapping against the floorboards. There's a slam down the hall and I know it's her. She's the only one inside the house still. Carol and Mom are downstairs ready to leave for the pool.
It's that nice of a day.
I roll over and stretch for my phone on my bed. The screen lights up and I immediately go to my facebook messages. Liza said she would text me when I could come over to her house.
I'm a little surprised she even added me to her shared group with her friends. She created it after our fight and before I explained the whole Lianna situation. Riley is also in the group. I was a little sick when I first saw it, but it isn't anything I can control. Liza has her friends and I have her. That's how it's always going to be. There's no point in trying to change it now when she's just a few months away from dropping me completely.
Reconnect to network.
I blink.
My eyes drift to the signal in the corner. The wifi signal is gone. I furrow my brows and check my settings. At first, I think I turned my wifi off, but I can see all the available networks. I find ours and click it.
Incorrect password.
"What?" I try again. The same message pops up.
I toss my phone onto my bed. It flies over the side and plops onto the floor on the other side. I march to my bedroom door and yank it open.
Lianna is outside my door. The yellow bikini top cuts into her tan skin. Her long blond hair takes my breath away. She caught it in her hand and she's rips it from my lungs. The freckles dotting her shoulders make it hard to look away. Everywhere I look is like another punch to my throat. I blink, trying to get back to reality, trying to pull my head away from the cloudy thoughts.
Her jeans shorts are too short. I lick my lips and bite the inside of my cheek. She turns, but she doesn't spare me a look. Instead, she goes inside her room and closes the door.
I should be thankful. The only thing I should be thinking about is finding out if Liza wants me over at her house.
Right.
I cross the hallway and race down the stairs.
I find Mom on the back porch with her hands full of floaties.
"Did you change the password?"
She turns with a smile. Her face is hidden by the large round framed sunglasses she's wearing.
Carol enters my vision. She's dressed in a red bikini and a sun hat that's as big as her torso.
"Hey, darling! Are you coming along?"
I stutter. "N-No!"
Mom cuts me off with a wave of her hand. "You should!"
She puts her hand on my shoulder. I shake it off.
"The password," I repeat.
The look on Carol's face says she doesn't approve. I might have cared if Liza wasn't on the other side of the line. I can't miss her message.
Mom makes a pained look. I don't get it at first. Then it hits me.
"Mom," I say. The look deepens. "I'm not going."
I should have seen this one coming. A pool. A nice day. She might even be plotting on getting me and Lianna together for half an hour. There's no way in hell that's going to happen.
Her smile falls just a bit. The ache in my heart explodes into an array of colors that blind my vision for a few seconds. I hate that I know it's me that's caused her this pain. There's nothing I can do but stand there and continue to bask in the afterglow of the supernova of anguish and hurt that is just a picture of my entire life.
Nothing makes sense when I'm like this. But I've come to find out that nothing makes sense when the world is falling to pieces in front of me.
She puts her hand on my arm. The sun blinds me this time. There's no sad words exchanged between us. Nothing that can be measured in any way that I can look back on in the future.
"It'll be fun," she says. She believes the words. It's just too bad that I don't. "It's a nice day."
When I think about the sun burning my skin and the soft breeze frizzing my hair, I don't think that it's a nice day. I think it's a nice day for Lianna to torture me some more.
I can't get the picture of her naked figure out of my head. There was never a point in my sad life that I wanted these small moments to mean so much to me.
I thought I could pretend I didn't see Zoey on her knees. I thought I could forget all about the times Lianna showed me what else was out in this world.
It's just too bad that I'm a bad liar.
Carol turns her back to us and raises her hand to shield her face from the sun. Even with her sunglasses and hat the sun makes her almost pink face turn red.
"Lia!" She yells up toward their bedroom window.
My heart does this weird skip that makes it hard breathe. I swallow down the strange feeling at the sound of her name. A nick name. I haven't heard it before, but even so, it almost feels as if she's going to appear out of thin air behind me.
I shake my head and head to the back door. There's no point in waiting for her to show up only for my body to completely shut down. In her presence I can't think, breathe, or function on any kind of level. I'm surprised I haven't just straight up died since I've met her.
Before I'm even halfway through the doorway, I hear her running down the stairs. She rounds the curve of the stairs with her hair pulled back in a high pony tail. She's carrying a clear bag with sun tan lotion, hair bands, and a towel inside along with a change of clothes. She has a think jacket tied around her waist which shows off her curves more than her bathing suit does.
I'm too late to hide the shock look on my face. I know I'm turning red and my eyes are giving away the want in them. My heart skip just as I thought it would.
She knows how good she looks. It's her power.
Her mouth twists into something like a frown and a mixture of disgust. She pushes past me, her hand tightening around the handle of the clear bag. I hold my breath when her shoulder brushes mine. Her smooth skin burns against mine, leaving behind a scar that only I can see.
I look behind me. Mom gives a small smile.
On second thought, a swim doesn't sound bad.
When I've made up my mind, Mom knows. "I'll grab your suit."
Comments (0)
See all