I leaned forward to kiss him to shut him up. It worked too, but his lips and tongue were cold again. The cold was more pronounced here in the warm apartment. It wasn’t like he was freezing cold, but he was cool to the touch in a very unpleasant way, and I drew back.

“What’s wrong?” he asked in a way which made me think he was more nervous than I was.

I replied, “Your mouth is cold. Do you have like low blood pressure or something?”

“Um, yes, not the way you mean, but I am a vampire. This is weird. I never thought I would say this, but I almost wish you were a blood junkie. This is like being on some super awkward first date.”

He sounded at a loss for what to do or how to explain things. Feeling guilty, I said, “Aren’t all dates super awkward?”

“Not mine. Well, not in a long time anyway. I don’t even know if most of the meetings I have with women these days are dates. They’re not there to get to know me. They’re there to be with a vampire, and that’s not nearly as flattering as they seem to think it is.”

“Then why do you do it? If you’re meeting women on Cinder, you have to know they’re human women looking to hook up with, you know.” I didn’t want to call him a monster to his face, since he didn’t seem like one, and I didn’t want to hurt his feeling further.

He laughed. “It’s not all that easy to get a date in real life, either.”

A change of topic was in order, so I asked, “Are you always cold? Do you feel cold?”

“I don’t feel cold. I don’t really feel hot, either. It’s just another one of those sensations that are cut off to me,” he said and took a drink.

I couldn't leave it alone. “Do you always feel cold to the touch?” I wondered if he was cold everywhere and what it would be like to snuggle with someone so cold or have them inside of me.

“I don’t have much blood in my body. If you cut me, I don’t bleed. Mostly it’s magic which animates my body, but sometimes yes, I've been told my skin feels much warmer.”

I stared at him waiting for him to explain when his skin became warmer. When he didn’t volunteer the information, I prompted him. “When do you feel warm?”

“Right after I drink blood.”

“Aren't you drinking blood right now?” I pointed to his almost empty glass. “Isn’t it how you’re able to drink wine?”

“Yes, but this is a very tiny amount of blood, and it’s not fresh. I could live forever on stored, processed blood, but it would be a bit like surviving forever on protein shakes. You could, but you wouldn’t feel very good. Fresh blood from a human being has way more to offer.”

I was pretty sure he was looking at my neck.

“I’ve heard a vampire's bite can be...” I paused, searching for the right word. “...euphoric.” I drew the word out and felt a flash of wine drunk coyness.

He looked away from me as he spoke. “It is. That’s what the blood junkies are in it for. They say the bite makes you high and gives you the best feeling, better than drugs, better than sex. I can’t say myself.”

“Weren’t you bitten to become a vampire? Don’t most vampires start out as…” I used his term and hoped I was using it correctly, “…blood junkies?”

“They do now, almost always. They used to be people with ties to the community usually, but things were a lot wilder when I was turned. As we’ve been more integrated, we’ve started having to live by humanity's rules. Don’t get me wrong. It’s a good thing, at least in my opinion.”

“If you drank my blood, you could kiss me, and your lips would be hot?”

“Yes, but the more I talk to you, the less I want to taste your blood and the more I want to taste the rest of you.”

I had felt nervous before, but now the floor dropped out from under me and fear wormed through my belly.

“You don’t want to kiss me?” I asked and took another sip of my wine to calm my nerves.

“I do, and that’s the problem. The more I want to kiss you, the less I want to bite you. I don’t want to risk addicting you.”

He looked at me with his warm brown eyes. He seemed kind and open, not at all what I would have expected of a vampire. Him wanting to protect me from himself was sexy. I liked the idea that he was both dangerous and kind.

I licked my lips self-consciously while I was thinking about kissing him and asked, “What if I want you to bite me? And kiss me?” I put down my wine glass and with all the boldness of a good buzz, slide onto his lap, straddling him. I couldn’t feel his coldness through his pants, but as I moved on his lap, I could feel his hardness.

He put down his glass, too, slid his hands around my waist, holding on tight. I leaned against him, brushing my lips against his ear and whispered, “Do you want to kiss me?”

His lips were against my neck, and he whispered back, his breath feathery and soft against my neck. “Yes.”

I stuck out my tongue and licked his earlobe. It was cold and strange against my tongue. I bit it every so softly. He sucked in his breath against my neck. “Do you want to bite me?”

His words came out in a ragged gust of air. “Yes, I do. I want to bite you so bad.”

I moved my mouth lower, touching his neck to kiss it and sucked on it the way you do when you want to give someone a hickey. I could smell his cologne. His cold skin tasted faintly of salt and winter wind. His hands tightened on my waist, as he lifted me up off of his lap and dropped me, although not very hard, on the other side of the couch.

“I’m not doing this. I’m not doing this to you. If you want someone to turn you into a junkie, you’re going to have to find another vamp, because I am not your man.” His face looked conflicted as if he was struggling to turn me down.

“How do you know I’ll become addicted? Does everyone?”

“No, not everyone, but the risk is still high. Look, you’re sexy, and you’re unbitten which makes you like a million times more attractive than you could understand, but I am not doing this to you. Let’s fool around. You can sleep over if you want, or you can go home. Hell, you can go home right now if you like, or we can just hang out and watch a movie, but I don’t want to start you down on the road of becoming a blood junkie.”

He held me down still. It didn’t feel threatening, more like he was holding me away from him.

“I want you to bite me. I’ve heard it’s amazing, and I’ve never done anything like that. I’ve never even wanted to, but with you? It seems like it could be fun. Let’s just fool around and see where it goes, okay?”

“Okay.” He pulled himself over on top of me. I wrapped my legs around him, the weight of his body pressing between my legs, and rubbed myself up against him. “Where were we?” he whispered into my ear.

I went back to kissing on his ear. “Right about here,” I whispered.

He ground his hips against me again. I arched into him. He wove his fingers into my hair and gently, oh, so gently pulled my hair back, trapping me beneath him. He kissed my face like I was something beautiful and precious. His lips were cool against my eyelids and cheeks. He covered me with kisses, but he didn’t try for my mouth again. It was tantalizing to have this sexy man above me kissing me like he was trying to memorize my face and never going any further, all while I was grinding against him, getting wetter and wetter.

He slid the neck of my blouse aside, loosened his grip on my hair, and kissed along my collarbone and shoulder, which left his neck exposed to me. Without thinking, I leaned forward and bit it.

He froze and then groaned. He moved away to rest his head on my breast. His words came out softly. “I can’t do this. You can’t tempt me like that. I can probably get through all of this without biting you, but you really can’t tease me.”

Feeling like he was daring me, I did it again. As soon as he raised his head and looked at me, I stretched up to run my tongue across his exposed neck. He groaned again and shifted his weight. I could feel him, hard against me.

“Bite me, please, just a little bit. Here I’ll show you how.” I bit his neck again.

He groaned and lost his last bit of control. He pressed his lips against my neck, his sharp teeth punctured my skin with a rush of slight pain and fear. The fear was swept away by bliss. I was full of him. His teeth were the only thing inside of me, yet it was as if he was everywhere inside of me, filling me with joy. I laughed, writhing against the weight of his body pressing down on me. I couldn't stop touching him. I rubbed my hands all over him. Every thread of his shirt was articulated under my fingers. I could read his body like brail, each bump, whorl and smooth spot a secret message of lust. It was an easy bliss, unlike any drug I'd ever tried. Then it was over, and he wasn’t biting me. I was alone in his arms. He was hot now, not just warm like a regular person. His skin was burning, but I felt cold without his bite. It wasn't just that my skin was cold. My very soul was frozen. He went to kiss me, this time, full on the lips, with tongue and everything. I no longer wanted his kisses. All I wanted was his bite.

He slid his hands under my shirt. His fingers were warm. His touch wasn’t unpleasant. It just wasn’t enough. I didn’t want to beg for his bite, at least not yet.

He must have sensed the hesitancy in my kiss, or maybe he was just paranoid. Flatly, he said, “You don’t want me to kiss you.” He pulled off me and almost shoved me off the couch in his haste to get away from me.

I sat up and adjusted my shirt. “No, I do want you to kiss me.”

“Really? Would you want me to keep kissing you even if I was never going to bite you again?” he asked, and his voice sounded sad.

“Sure...Um….maybe? Look, you seem like a nice a guy, and you’re really cute.” I told him and looked around for my wine glass. It was depressingly empty.

“Even if I never bite you again? You wouldn’t be thinking about it? Preferring it to my kisses?”

“Why wouldn’t you bite me again? I like it. You like it. We can do both. Kiss and bite and maybe watch Star Wars,” I suggested.

“What if you had to pick? What if I could only bite you or kiss you. Which one would you pick? And don’t lie to me. I’ll know.”

I thought about lying to him. I even justified it myself by saying it would be kinder, but in the end, I didn’t. “I would pick the bite over the kiss. They’re better together anyway. Then your mouth is warm,” I added the last on lamely.

“Then this won't work. You’re picking the vampire instead of me. I’m a vampire. Sure, that’s why my mouth is cold. When you pick the bite instead of the kiss, you’re saying I’m not enough. You’re saying you don’t want to be with me because of who I am. You want to get with me because of what I am.”

“No, no. I don’t want anyone else to bite me, just you.” I said holding my now empty wine glass.

“Maybe not yet, but in the end, you will. In the end, they all do. I’m sorry this isn’t going to work. You’re not who I thought you were. I’d like you to leave now,” he said and stood up.

“You want me to leave? Are you for real? It’s the middle of the night, and we are halfway across the city from my place.” I stared at him in shock.

“I’ll call you a cab. You can wait downstairs until they come to get you. Come on, you’re leaving now.”

He hoisted me up and firmly led me to the door. He put me in the hallway before I had time to object and a few seconds later wordlessly handed out my coat. I wanted to scream and rail at him, but I wasn’t that drunk, and it didn’t seem like the kind of building where drunken screaming would go ever real well. I stomped down the stairs and waited for a cab.

What kind of loser was I? My ex was getting married, and a vampire had rejected me. I stewed the entire way home. I was going to make sure the next time I tried Cinder I was going to get lucky.