Vanessa sauntered into a library for the fourth time that day. She had created a routine for herself. She would walk between and behind the shelves, looking for blonde curls, before heading to a reference desk. She’d always ask the same thing, “Is there an AJ that works here?” without fail the answers were along the lines of, ‘no’ or ‘why do you care?’ or ‘don’t know her, but I’d love to talk about it over coffee’. The audacity.
She felt frantic. How many libraries were in London? How had she waited three weeks to try and find her? What if AJ was hurt? Or what if she was in financial trouble? Should Vanessa have brought money along? Fuck!
She massaged her temples in frustration. Unbidden, thoughts of unbelievably soft, gentle lips drifted into her mind. It wasn’t fair. Why did AJ have to disappear now?
This would be the last library she went to today. She needed to be smart about this. She would go home to make a map of which libraries she had visited and the next closest ones she would check.
She stalked her way through the shelves before approaching a tall, thin man at the reference desk.
“Hi, ‘scuse me, is there an AJ that works here?” Vanessa asked hopefully.
“AJ? I’m sorry, there’s not.”
Vanessa was feeling desperate. “Are you sure? She’s a short, blonde woman if that helps.” She also has heavenly blue eyes, the sexiest body I’ve ever seen, and exudes the warmth of the sun.
“Wait, do you mean Angela ?”
“Angela?”
“Yeah, Ms. Prim and Proper, posh accent, in her late twenties?”
“Yes! That’s her!”
“Yeah, she should be back in a few minutes. You can wait here in the meantime.”
Vanessa’s heart soared. She had found her! She had found her angel, and her full name was Angela . Vanessa laughed to herself. Honestly, what were the chances of that?
“So you’re here to see Angela too, Ms....?”
“Mabel, Vanessa Mabel,” the redhead supplied.
Vanessa had been so wrapped up in her own thoughts, she hadn’t realized that a large man had been standing next to her.
“Arthur Haven,” he said, shaking her hand. “Angela always takes longer than she needs to with reading time. She started the program herself, so she lets it suck up most of her time.” He leaned towards her conspiratorially. “It’s a waste of time if you ask me. Teaching kids to read is a mother’s duty. They should be staying home reading to their own children, instead of going out and getting jobs.” He said the last sentence as if something particularly nasty had crawled under his nose.
Of course her angel was off reading to underprivileged children, and of course Vanessa would be forced to talk to this twit while she waited for her. “Helping kids she doesn’t even know? What could she possibly be thinking.”
“Ha,” Arthur agreed, missing the obvious sarcasm in her voice. “She probably thinks she can do whatever she wants. All the Vantackle’s think that way.”
“Vantackle?” she repeated. That name sounded familiar.
“Uh, yeah.” Arthur said confusedly. “As in the car manufacturers.” Vanessa’s jaw dropped. It prompted a laugh from Arthur. “Wait, did you really not know?”
Vanessa shook her head, too stunned to speak.
“Angela is the only daughter of Eli and Mary Vantackle. Her brothers are set to earn the largest part of their fortune, but Angela’s trust fund is nothing to sneeze at.”
Vanessa's mouth felt dry as she started speaking. There was no way that could possibly be right. “If she’s so rich, why does she work here?”
Arthur threw up his hands in annoyance. “It’s probably the same reason she got a degree. The woman is determined to a fault. It would be best for everyone if she could live like a normal socialite, you know, host and attend banquets, stuff like that. Instead, she always puts what she wants first, regardless of everyone else,” he said while gesturing towards the backroom of the library. “Did you know, she can’t even be bothered to hold on to half the stuff I give her? I bought her a Chanel coat for Christmas, and she threw it away to the first tramp that said he was cold. Can you believe that?”
Arthur took the shocked look on Vanessa’s face as a reaction to his story, not finding out the woman she loved belonged to the richest family in the country, if not all of Europe.
“Don’t worry,” he said reassuringly, “I’ll whip her into shape when she belongs to me.”
“What?” For the first time, Vanessa looked up and stared at his face. Arthur was handsome, but in a snobbish sort of way. Vanessa already hated him.
“Oh yeah, not just the attitude either. I’ve been trying to make her see my personal trainer to lose some weight, but she keeps putting it off. I told her she’ll regret looking so soft in our engagement photos ten years from now.”
“Engagement photos?”
At that moment, AJ turned the corner. Blue eyes locked on to green ones. A myriad of emotions flickered across AJ’s face in a matter of seconds: confusion, excitement, and finally, shame. Vanessa saw a glint of light reflecting off AJ’s hand. It was the largest diamond engagement ring she had ever seen.
“Vanessa?” AJ called out walking towards her.
“Yeah, it’s me. Just leaving actually.” She couldn’t cry here. Not in front of these strangers. Not in front of AJ.
“Please let me walk with you.” AJ was practically sprinting towards Vanessa now. The panic in her voice was easily discernible.
Arthur looked at her impatiently. “Muffin, we have lunch plans today, remember?”
“I’m sorry, Arthur. We’ll need to reschedule.”
“No,” Vanessa said firmly. “I have things to do anyways. You enjoy your lunch, Muffin,” she said with all the venom she could muster. “You two make a lovely couple.” She needed time to process what had just happened. She needed time to convince herself she was going to be alright.
“I’ll at least see you out.” AJ walked her to the door, and leaned in to whisper, “Please let me explain.”
“No need,” Vanessa said stiffly. “I think I understand everything just fine.”
A pained expression wretched its way across AJ’s face. “Vanessa, dearest, I’m not sure you do.”
“Don’t call me dearest,” she hissed. “People are honest to the ones they’re dear to.”
AJ grabbed her arm and pulled her out the door, while yelling at Arthur, “Sorry to cancel on such short notice, I’ll see you this evening!” He just shot her a sour look in reply.
AJ guided Vanessa to a hidden alleyway near the library.
“I’m sorry!” she said wringing her hands. “I know I don’t deserve it, but please let me try to explain things.”
“I already told you, I understand everything. Prostitutes are no strings attached, remember? All the fucking, no human connection.” Vanessa’s eyes were stinging now, but she persisted. She rapidly blinked to hide her tears. “You wanted to play pretend girlfriend. I should have realized that,” she said bitterly. Why did this hurt so fucking much? Most of her clients were cheaters anyways, she should have known better than to think AJ was different.
“How can you think you mean nothing to me? After everything. After our kiss…” she trailed off.
“Because I haven’t seen you in weeks! And..” Vanessa felt like the air was being squeezed out of her lungs. Her ribs were being crushed and there was nothing she could do to stop it. “..and now you're engaged to the world’s biggest prat!”
“I told you about my childhood, Vanessa. You have no idea the type of pressure my family puts on me! I’m already an old maid at 27. They threatened to disown me if I didn’t accept Arthur’s proposal. I’d be completely cut off from the world I grew up in!”
“Listen to yourself!” Vanessa spat. “Do you even like that world? It’s forcing you to be something that you're not!”
AJ hugged her arms around herself in anxiety. Vanessa felt a question burning on her own tongue. She was scared to know the answer, but she had to ask it. “Do you love him?”
AJ looked aghast. “Of course not. Arthur is a family friend, nothing more.”
She took a step forward and grabbed one of AJ's hands. It took everything in her power to maintain eye contact. “Have you ever been in love before?”
There were a few moments of silence before AJ spoke again, softly. “You know I have.”
“With who?” Vanessa asked. Her heart felt like it was on fire, but the rest of her body had gone numb.
“Please, Vanessa,” she whispered, looking away from her. “Please, don’t make me say it.”
Vanessa bent down in the grimy alleyway, moving to her knees in supplication. She pressed AJ’s hand against her face. “Angel, please. Tell me who.” AJ’s fingers trembled against her cheek, but she didn’t move to pull away.
“This wasn’t supposed to happen.” AJ was fighting back tears, her voice quavering. “I wasn’t searching for this when I went to that brothel,” she sniffled.
“But you found it, and that makes this even more beautiful! Our souls are connected, I know you feel it too! The way I’m drawn to you... I’ve never experienced anything like it before.” She stood to take AJ’s cherubic face between her hands, and stared into her blue, tear stained eyes. Her chest was heaving, like her bruised heart was trying to escape through her ribs. This is it. This might be my last chance.
“AJ, I’m in love with you.”
AJ let out a choked sob, her eyes were screwed shut, and she was shaking her head vehemently. “You don’t love me! I was paying you every time you were with me. You’re-- you’re confused!”
“I know it’s easy to tell yourself that, but you know it's not true. Angel,” she pulled AJ’s hand and placed it over her frantic heart. She needed to feel this. AJ needed to know that she was serious, that she was committed body and soul. “Leave him. Be with me.”
AJ opened her eyes, she was openly crying now. “You say that likes it’s so simple!”
“Because it is! Run away with me!” She was pleading now. “Imagine the future you want for yourself. Look me in the eyes and tell me I’m not there!”
AJ opened her mouth several times, but closed it.
“What do you want AJ!” Vanessa was yelling now, but she couldn’t be bothered to stop herself. Every cell in her body was screaming, she should be too. Her entire body was on edge.
“I don’t deserve what I want!” It was the first time Vanessa had ever heard her yell.
AJ took a deep shuddering breath, trying to regain some composure. After some deliberation she spoke slowly. “I’d be cut off from my trust. I couldn’t even take care of us properly. You’d have to keep working at the brothel, and you’d never be able to reach your dream. You deserve that, and you deserve someone that isn’t a coward.” AJ pulled away from her now. “I’m sorry I let things get this far, but it’s over.” She dropped Vanessa’s thin, cold hands and planted a tender kiss on her cheek. “Goodbye, darling. I really do wish you the best.”
Vanessa didn’t chase after her. Her nerves were raw and she felt paralyzed. After a few moments, she leaned against the dirty wall of the alleyway and wept.
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