I was lying on my stomach, facing Jake with my chin resting in my hand, watching as the boy kept turning this side and that in front of a large mirror, checking if he looked okay, which he, of course, did.

He had been getting ready for his Valentine's Day date with Melisa for the past two hours and I was slowly starting to worry about his state of mind, since Jake was a two-minute ready kind of guy, so all this priming was very unusual.

He took a bottle of cologne and started spraying it all over himself, the fresh, masculine scent drifting over to the bed, and as I inhaled it, I barely managed not to let out a lovesick sigh. I loved that cologne, and, okay, maybe it was more about the person who was wearing it than the perfume itself, but every time I got even a whiff of it all I wanted to do was bury my nose in the side of Jake's neck and inhale.

But, as opposed to Melisa, I couldn't, and now every thought going through my head was of the stupid girl sniffling all over Jake which was making me eager to punch a wall.

Of course, I wouldn't do that. First, because I was really not the aggressive type and even if I was, the only thing such an action would result in is me clutching a broken arm. Secondly, it would be hard to explain to my best friend, why I had the sudden urge to punch the wall and consequently break my arm because I would have to lie and that was something I was unable to do, as I have proven quite frequently.

I sighed and turned around so I could lie on my back, staring at the ceiling, as Jake continued to fuss with his shirt and blab about his date and the odds of Melisa letting him get to a third base.

"What does it feel like to kiss someone?", I asked quietly, voicing the thoughts running through my mind out loud before I even realized what I was doing.

But then I did, and I immediately cringed at how stupid I must sound to Jake, especially when all his blabbing stopped and a stony silence fell over the room.

"What do you mean how does it feel?", came the question after a few seconds, quickly followed by,

"Haven't you kissed a girl by now?"

I frowned at that and looked down at my hands, feeling too embarrassed to answer, since the way Jake had asked me that immediately informed me that it would be a bad thing if I had never kissed someone, which, of course, I hadn't.

But it was easy for Jake to think like that. He was popular, handsome, and a football captain. The girls usually fell over themselves just to get a smile from him, let alone a kiss.

I, on the other hand, had never even talked to one, not that I wanted to. Well, I had talked to a girl but that is if you counted cousins and such, and I really didn't want to.

"George? You have kissed a girl, right?", he asked to which I shrugged before whispering,

"Um... not really."

Another silence followed my confession and feeling unable to stand it any longer; I got up and turned around to face him. Jake was, expectedly, staring at me like I was a creature from another planet before he started laughing his head off, and the urge to, yet again, punch something came back; preferably, Jake's face this time.

Instead, I threw a glare at him, although it was a bit pointless since Jake was too busy laughing at my expanse to even notice, before I started gathering my things to leave, feeling beyond embarrassed.

"Hey, hey I am sorry! I am sorry, Shorty. I won't laugh anymore, I promise.", Jake said and grabbed my hand to stop me from leaving. The blond had sobered up by then, his face a picture of regret for making me angry so I nodded and got back to the bed.

"It's just difficult for me to talk to girls.", I began after gathering my thoughts.

"I don't know what to say and usually, the words that do come out of my mouth are completely wrong. And then I watch you and you make it so easy that it makes me feel like something is wrong with me.", I said quietly, and it was the truth, even though, I suspected that it had more to do with my preferences than social anxiety, which was at the root of the problem.

Jake sighed and then walked up to the bed, before taking a seat next to me, and I had to close my eyes and consciously make an effort to remember what we were talking about, as that dreaded scent enveloped my very core.

"I get it, George, I really do, but we are all different. It may look like that from your perspective, but it doesn't mean that it is easy for me. I just find it easier if I act like myself. I talk to them like I would with you and that's it. You don't need the perfect pick up line or something like that to woo a girl. They are humans just like us."

I nodded and sighed, managing to throw Jake a little smile. I understood that the boy was trying to help, and I loved him even more for it, but at the same time, I felt horrible for lying to my best friend.

But how do I go and explain it to him, that it will never be as easy for me like it was for Jake? That the real reason I had never kissed a girl wasn't that I was afraid, but because I just didn't want to.

For the first time since I was fourteen, I felt like I was back in that closet, desperate to just come out and announce it to the person most important to me only this time I knew that I couldn't.

Jake won't tell me that it was okay, he won't hug me and accept me, and the only thing that would result from it all was me being friendless and alone, again.

"Listen, there is going to be a party next Friday at Cole's house since his parents are out of town for the weekend. You should come with me and practice. That way you won't be on your own because I'll be there. What do you say?"

The word 'no' was already on my lips, but then I thought about it for a second and had to admit that it was not a bad idea. I seriously doubted that any girl would show an interest in me, so I would probably spend an entire evening drinking and having fun with Jake which was as close to a perfect night as I could imagine.

So that's why in the end, I looked at him and said,

"Okay, I will.", as a first real smile of the evening spread over my face.