A week passes by almost flawlessly, with a few bumps in the road, naturally, with it being only my first full week as a boy. I’m trying my hardest to find a way to go back to being a girl, but I keep coming up short. Why did I become a guy in the first place? Is this permanent? Is this like those movies where I have to complete some kind of task in order to go back? Those questions fly through my mind on a daily basis as I'm trying to find my way back.

I miss Giana and Sammy, I think as the bell rings in my last class of the day. I sigh as I pack up my bag.

“Hey man, you excited about tonight?” Damien says walking over to my desk. Not particularly.

“Yeah.” I say, faking my response. We walk to the doorway and find Finn waiting for us outside. “You’re coming, right Finn?” I ask as the three of us start down the hallway. Finn has proven to be my closest ally, I think. I need to keep him close.

His mouth pulls to a thin line, “Sorry Murphy, Gia and I are actually going on a date tonight.” He says as my heart drops. Great. My only friend won’t be there.

Yes, you might consider Barbie to be a friend too, but I’ve been trying to distance myself from her recently. Don’t get me wrong, I’m like 80 percent over her, but I just feel awkward about what happened. I know you got hard and that turned me off. Her words keep playing in my head when I think about her, making me flush with embarrassment. I can’t believe my first hookup was with a girl, and she straight up rejected me. By now I’ve also realized and welcomed the fact that I’m most likely bisexual. It shocked at first, right when I got home I was terrified at the fact that a girl turned me on so much, and that my first time seeing a d*ck would be jerking off my own. I shudder a bit remembering it.

I frown slightly as I clamber into Finn’s car.

“I'm so glad we don’t have practice tonight.” Damien says leaning back in the front seat. I was too distracted and he claimed it before me. “I can’t believe that both my parents are gone and Coach got sick today.” He laughs to himself, “This party better rock.”

Finn laughs as he pulls out of the high school, “Don’t party too hard.”

“Yeah, ok Dad.”

Finn laughs again, “You’re literally older than me.” Damien laughs at the irony.

I tune out the rest of their pointless conversation to think about what I’m going to wear to the party.

“Hey Murph.” I turn and look forward. We already dropped off Damien and are a few minutes from my house. I see Finn looking at me through the rearview mirror. “You ok?”

Surprisingly “Yes.” I say, finishing my thought out loud.

“What’re you thinking about?”

“What to wear tonight.”

Finn furrows his brow in the rearview mirror, “What do you mean?”

Then it’s my turn to furrow my brow. “I don’t know what to wear to the party tonight.”

“What you’re wearing right now is fine.” He says turning his attention back to the road.

Oh right. Forgot how lazy these guys are. The car bumps around a bit as it pulls into my driveway.

Finn twists around in his seat, “Have fun tonight.” He says with a mischievous smile.

I laugh. “You two.” I say wiggling my eyebrows at him. He laughs as I leave.

“What can I get ya?” Says Luke, the temporary bartender serving drinks at the party. Though all he does is hand you a can.

“What do you have?” I ask.

“Uhh..” He says turning to take inventory. The music is loud and it's dark so we have trouble talking normally. “We have natty lights, miller lights, and just straight vodka.” He lists. “Oh and surprisingly, we have white claws too.” White claws are pretty expensive, so it’s rare to find them at a high school party.

“Gimme a lime claw.” I say, grateful that I don't have to drink cheap beer. He hands me two and smiles. I smile back.