On my way home, it rained. It rained like it had the night Dr. Green told me I wasn’t smart enough to be capable of love.
I turned on the windshield wiper, still feeling bitter and sad about that night.
Like the sun, however, Melissa chased away my rainy thoughts. She wanted me, and it felt good to be wanted. I felt like I didn’t need Dr. Green’s approval when I had hers.
I pulled into the apartment parking lot and parked in my usual spot. I felt loneliness overwhelm me again.
This tiny, friendless apartment was the result of all my hard work at the clinic and my job. And yet, I was embarrassed by it.
I leaned my head against the window. I wanted desperately to live in Melissa’s big home, where her many friends could visit us, and I could meet her dogs.
I wanted to adopt Lyle so we could be a happy family together.
More tears. It seemed that all I did these days was cry.
__
There was a knock on my door again that morning.
I was thinking it must be Melissa. I had fallen asleep in my clothes again. Hastily, I brushed my hair, ate a mint, and flung the door open.
“Meliss--!”
It was Dr. Green. The smile melted from my face.
He was wearing a brown trench coat, black slacks, and brown boots. As always, he made me feel nervous with how angelically handsome he was. I felt vulnerable against his piercing blue, judgmental gaze.
His face was twitching with anger, and I wondered what I could have possibly done to cause him such anger. He took a deep breath. His facial expression softened. He looked at my apartment with something akin to surprise in his eyes.
“I see you can pay for your own place.” Dr. Green commented.
I hid my flushed cheeks behind the door. “Yes.”
Silence.
Realizing that I should be angry at him, I furrowed my eyebrows and asked snippily, “Why are you here?”
Dr. Green took another deep breath, clearly trying to calm himself down. “I’m here because I got a knock on the door from the police. There’s graffiti of me spray painted everywhere in the city. I wonder who could have done that?”
I felt incredibly guilty. “I-I’m sorry… You just have such a nice face.”
Dr. Green rolled his eyes. “Just stop doing it, please. You’ll get us both into trouble. I honestly don’t know what you’re thinking by doing that. You worked hard to get where you are, and you’re going to throw it all away if you keep painting without a permit. You're just lucky that you're graffiti looked different enough from me that the police agreed that I was most likely not the artist.”
I smiled. “You think I worked hard to get where I am…?”
He tapped his foot, shaking his head with an annoyed smile. “Of course you did. All shells who graduate worked hard to do so. Don’t jeopardize it.”
He turned around, intending to leave.
“Dr. Green--” I touched his shoulder. He turned around, brushing the hand away immediately, as if it were a cockroach.
“Don’t touch me. Keep your damned hands to yourself.” He muttered and then went on his way.
I watched him go longingly. I lowered my eyes, closing the door with a sniffle.
It was just me and my empty apartment again.
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