Aiden is stirred from his sleep by the chirping of birds, the sunlight breaking through the nylon walls. He stretches his legs, as much as he can. The tent is too small for him to spread out completely. He could get up and go outside, but instead he lays there, thinking.

He was dreaming of Jamie. He dreams of Jamie a lot. Back in high school, he wouldn't sleep if Ralph, Grant, and Noah were around. Never, no matter the situation. He knows that he talks in his sleep sometimes. He was always afraid that he might say Jamie’s name. Accidentally out himself, and at the same time reveal how hopelessly taken he was with the person they were always tormenting.

As of this morning, it’s been three days since Jamie kissed him beneath the Guardian Tree. Aiden has thought of nothing else since.

He knows that he shouldn't have run off like that, afterwards. He wishes he’d been able to say something more coherent than what he did.

But his speechless heart had overwhelmed him.

Aiden has wanted that kiss so badly, and for so long. Longer than Jamie can possibly realize.

Somehow it was even better than Aiden had imagined. He doesn’t know how that can be the case, because he always thought that if it ever happened, it would be the happiest moment of his life.

And it was, but it was also more. Aiden has never felt anything like it. Even if that was it, even if it was once, only once, and never again - it’s beyond undoing. It’s changed everything.

It was the most intimate and truthful experience he’s ever had.

After so long lost in his enormous sadness, Aiden is bewildered, to be handed this kind of happiness.

I don’t deserve it. There must have been some mistake. It’s all going to come crashing down, any second now.

It’s not like Aiden has been unhappy since he came back to Ketterbridge. In fact, just being friends with Jamie has made him the happiest he can ever remember being. But this… this is something else.

He thinks of the party that Angie threw, back at the start of summer.

Aiden had choked so badly at the airport, came off exactly like his old self. He’d apologized, yes, but clumsily, and he pretty much expected Jamie to avoid him, after that.

Instead, that night at the party - Jamie smiled, whenever Aiden caught his eye.

Aiden had intended to be more subtle. Do casual rounds of the party that happened to end up with him talking to Jamie. It hadn’t worked out like that. Every time Jamie noticed him looking over and smiled, Aiden was drawn right in. He couldn’t help himself.

And when Ralph, Noah, and Grant were being assholes, Jamie had taken Aiden’s hand and led him out of the party. Didn’t drop his fingers until they got to the sidewalk.

That incident with the guys was bad. But it was worth it, for Jamie to hold his hand for an entire minute. Aiden was so happy, when that happened. He thought that was probably the most happiness he was capable of feeling at once.

Jamie has since proved him wrong about that, over and over again. But never quite the way he did that night beneath the Guardian Tree.

Aiden. I really want to kiss you.

Even then, Aiden hadn’t really believed him. Not until Jamie leaned over and actually did it.

Aiden knows that Jamie isn’t big on commitment. He seems to flinch at the mere suggestion. Aiden had told himself that he could deal with keeping things casual, if that was all Jamie wanted. He thought it would be better than nothing.

He knows now that his heart couldn’t take that. To have Jamie and lose him - that would be the only thing worse than never having him at all.

If Aiden is going to do this, he needs to be honest and clear about what this means to him, what he wants.

He considers what he might say.

I don’t know how to explain how much I care about you. I love seeing the world through your eyes. It’s a beautiful place, not at all like the one I’m used to. I’m never happier than I am when I’m with you. I’m serious about being with you. This isn’t just fun and games, to me.

He pictures himself saying it to Jamie. The thought sends him burying his face into the blanket, embarrassed already. He tries to think of what Jamie might answer.

Oh… that’s really sweet, but I’m not looking for anything like that, right now…

“No, no, please no,” Aiden mumbles, his voice muffled by the blanket.

The only thing that scares Aiden more is what will happen if Jamie says the opposite.

What happens if they do get together, and for whatever reason, Jamie eventually wants out?

Jamie’s song has been the lighthouse that saved Aiden from crashing against the rocks, a thousand times over. How can he go on living with that sound in his head, if he loses Jamie? It’ll always be there, reminding him that he could have been happy, that he could have had what he wanted most. That he let it slip through his fingers.

Because of what he is, Aiden feels like he’s spent his life in a constant state of approaching loss. It’s hard for him not to see everything that way.

He sits up in the tent, sweeping his hair out of his face. His hand lingers on his mouth. He remembers the feeling, the taste of Jamie’s lips against his. His sweet brown eyes staring down into Aiden’s. The way he’d cupped Aiden’s face afterwards, said his name so softly.

In that moment, Aiden had felt like a previously ground-locked thing, learning how to fly. What a terrifying leap, but… anything would be worth it, to soar like that.

Of course, his mom’s warnings keep trying to bring him crashing back to Earth.

Aiden remembers his aunt arguing with his mom, a long time ago. Neither of them knew that he was on the step outside, listening.

“You can’t say things like that to a child! Telling him that no one can really love him? What are you thinking?”

“I’m only telling him the truth.”

“No, Leigh! You’re feeding him pure poison!”

“What I’m doing is saving him! He needs to learn that he can’t trust anyone. If what I’m telling him is poison, then - I’m giving him little doses now, to make him immune. So that one day, when someone gives him the full dose - and that day will come - it won’t kill him, like it nearly fucking killed me!”

It was the sincerity that made it stick with Aiden so completely. His mom didn’t tell him those things because she wanted to hurt him. She did it because she wanted to protect him, to keep him safe from something awful. Something he’d watched her go through, already.

He’d seen firsthand how painful it was for his mom, to be manipulated, exploited, and then abandoned. Seen how cold his father had turned, after never seeming - to Aiden, at least - anything but warm.

His mom said that it almost killed her. As a child, Aiden secretly thought that maybe it had killed her, and she had been reborn. Because she was never the same again, after that.

How could he not believe her? How could he not be terrified of going through the same thing?

And yet…

Aiden. I really want to kiss you.

He closes his eyes, taking deep breaths of the chilly dawn air. It’s silent in the tent. Well. Not silent, exactly. It’s that false silence that comes from nonstop noise. Aiden has never known true silence. The energy he hears turns calmer at night, but people are starting to rouse and begin their day.

“Could you shut up, for a second?” He directs the question to no one in particular, and, of course, the only answer is the steadily building thrum of energy in his head. It’s too early for this, and he has too much to think about. He needs quiet, or some approximation of it.

Automatically, he reaches for Jamie’s note.

He can tell that Jamie is feeling a lot, which makes sense. But his note is still sweet and bright. It strikes that perfect harmony with Aiden’s own, like it always does, making it way easier for Aiden to focus. The gathering wave of noise falls back.

He takes a moment to listen to Jamie’s energy. He wishes that he could understand it better. He can tell the difference between nervous and calm, sad and happy. Broad things, like that. Right now, whatever Jamie is feeling is too complicated for Aiden to figure out from afar.

But he remembers the look on Jamie’s face when Aiden froze up, after the kiss.

Please say something.

Aiden had failed to deliver a single word. He’s all sly and smooth picking up a stranger in a bar, but that shit goes right out the window when it comes to Jamie. Aiden can’t be subtle, he can’t drop little lines - he just can’t. He always ends up talking directly from his heart, as if that’s the only language he and Jamie both speak.

He flops back down into the blankets and buries his head beneath them. He’ll pack up his stuff soon, get moving. After so much time spent traveling, he does his best thinking on his feet. Hiking, running, whatever.

Although… Jamie should be back from his trip with Destinee, today. They could talk.

Three days of mulling it over, and Aiden still doesn’t have a clue what to say to him. Even if he does think of what to say, he suspects that it’ll fall apart when he has to meet Jamie’s eyes.

Aiden thinks about those eyes peering down at him, framed by scattered stars and the leafy crown of the Guardian Tree. Their soft amber color. To Aiden, Jamie’s eyes are earth, foundation, home.

He sits up again, unzips the tent, and climbs out. He unfolds to his full height and stretches, winding his arms up over his head, looking around. He’d had to set up camp in the dark, and the scenery is new to him.

High overhead, the sky stands halfway between dawn and morning, sunlight diffusing through the atmosphere. A few birds drift across the wispy clouds. Trees shoot up around him in all directions, and before the tent, there’s a sparkling body of water. A creek. Aiden heard it last night, but couldn’t see it.

It’s beautiful.

Jamie would love this, he thinks, before he can stop himself. Even with everything going on, the thought makes him smile.

He holds still for a moment, taking it all in.

Aiden used to look at the world through a jagged lens of fear. It made even the most passive things seem razor-sharp, ready to cut and draw blood.

He saw everything that way. Water: something to be drowned in. Trees: something that a child might fall out of. Mossy boulders: a slip, a fall, a fatal concussion. Aiden wasn’t afraid for himself, but for everyone else. Years of saving people - and sometimes, failing to save them - had warped his vision.

But not anymore. Not after being around Jamie, coming to understand his way of looking.

Jamie always sees what’s good and beautiful in everything and everyone. Whether or not he knows it, he’s teaching Aiden to do the same.

Now Aiden looks at a tree, and sees - a tree. He looks out at the landscape and sees nature, wilderness. Life. He can finally see the world in the fullness of its beauty. He’s so grateful for that.

So grateful for everything that Jamie has done for him.

Aiden strides down to the creek, drops to a crouch by the water, and tests the temperature. It’s icy cold, even in the summer, but it feels nice, wakes him up. He splashes his face, then wets his hair and slicks it out of his eyes.

He wishes again that he had some indication of how Jamie is feeling. Did that kiss mean something to him? Did he feel anything close to what Aiden did? What must he be thinking, after Aiden ran off like that?

Maybe he thinks that Aiden doesn’t want him. He couldn’t be more wrong, if so. The things that Aiden feels for Jamie, he feels so deeply that he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

He wants to tell Jamie everything. He wants to kiss him again. He wants to do a whole lot more than that.

You’re my person. I’m so sure about it. That’s what I mean, every time I call you my Companion Plant. And I think that I’m your person, too. Please give me a chance to prove it. I know I’ve fucked up a thousand times, I know I come with more complications than anybody else you could be with, but please, please just give me a chance to prove it.

Even thinking of saying it fills up Aiden with fear. There are so many reasons it could go badly.

The creek is slow-moving, and Aiden can see his reflection on its surface. Actually - something else is reflected there, too. He twists, looking behind himself, then slowly gets to his feet.

The tree is growing just to the left of the tent. Aiden has unknowingly camped beneath its boughs. It has a dense crown, packed with swaying green leaves. But at the top, a transformation is beginning.

Aiden can discern shades of gold, russet red. Leaves the color of afternoon sunshine.

He stands there and stares at the tree until understanding breaks over him. He realizes what it is, and more importantly, what it means.

The bright, sweet music of Jamie’s energy rises within Aiden, quieting every competing sound. It lifts so high up over everything else that Aiden imagines it rising all the way into the dawn sky.

His own note climbs with it, chasing after it. Twirling around it to make a song, where before there was only noise.

It’s a long moment before Aiden stirs from his reverie.

“Okay,” he says, to the sugar maple. “Okay.”

He returns to the tent and breaks it down. When will Jamie be back today? He texted Aiden the details of his trip, but Aiden doesn’t have his phone. Should he go home and get it? No, there’s no time for that. He needs to go straight to Jamie, before he loses his nerve.

He still doesn’t know what he’ll say, or how Jamie will react. He knows that he’ll have to tone things down. He can’t tell Jamie the true extent of his feelings all at once. That’ll scare him off, if he isn’t scared off already, and - Aiden isn’t ready to admit it, anyways.

Not yet.

His mom’s warnings still ring in his head, along with everything else he’s worried about, but - it’s pointless to fight the way he feels. He knows that by now, doesn’t he? He may as well reach up and try to hold back the sky.

Aiden turns to take one last look at the tree, before he goes.

It takes him some time to find his way out of the forest. When he does, he’s not sure where he is. A car rolls around a bend in the road, and Aiden hates doing this, but he holds out a thumb.

The driver pulls over, then rolls down the window. Aiden bends to talk to him.

“Hey, man. Thanks for stopping. Where you headed?”

“Greenrock.”

“I’m trying to get to Ketterbridge, it’s on the way. Not far at all.”

The driver drums his fingers on the wheel. “You got gas money?”

“A little bit, sure.”

The driver considers, then nods. Aiden opens the door and climbs in.

“I’m Sam.”

“Aiden. Thanks for this, dude. Really appreciate it.”

Sam shrugs. “Whatever, I’m bored. Been driving all night.”

“What’s going on in Greenrock?” Aiden asks, strapping in.

“I’m visiting my girlfriend. What about you?”

Aiden hesitates. “Yeah, I’m doing the same.”

It’s the only lie he’ll permit himself today. When he gets to Jamie, he won’t tell him everything, but what he does say - it’s going to be truthful. That he’s sorry for how he reacted. That he only freaked out because he got overwhelmed, not because Jamie did anything wrong.

That he wants to be with him, really be with him.

Aiden can only hope that somehow, against all odds, Jamie wants to be with him, too.