Julian ran home and slammed the door shut behind him. It had been wrong to kiss Nick, but he thought the other man wanted the same. They’d been lying so close, eyes never leaving each other… it was as If it was supposed to happen. But Julian regretted it. He shouldn’t have done it. Not only because Nick didn’t want him back, but also because Nick was married. He’d told Julian that the marriage was fake, but it was still a marriage.

He sighed as he slid down the door. His back was pressed against it as he hugged his knees against his chest, while Nick’s angry words kept repeating themselves inside his mind. Nick’s reaction was heartbreaking, and it made his stomach ache.

He had promised himself never to let something like that happen again. He didn’t want to get hurt anymore, but of course, he messed that up. He’d fallen for straight guys before, and they only used him as an experiment, and Julian fell for it every single time, but it felt different with Nick. ‘’Maybe because he wasn’t interested, you idiot!’’ he muttered.

He pushed himself off the floor and threw himself on his couch. ‘’Why am I always such an idiot!’’ He mumbled to himself. He ran his hands roughly through his hair a couple of times in frustration. This vacation was definitely not going as planned. He wanted to go home. Life back in the city was stressful, but it was better than risking running into Nick again. He had to get away from this stupid place.

Julian stood up and began packing his clothes. He was going to leave in the morning and never look back, but as he began shoving his clothes into his bag, a buzzing feeling emerged in his head. He didn’t know what it was. It had happened so many times since he’d moved into the cabin, and it had only gotten worse after he met Nick. He ignored it as he kept packing, convincing himself that it would disappear as soon as he got home.

He was disturbed when there was a loud knocking sound on his door. His heart stopped as every possible scenario played itself in his mind. Either it was Nick, who’d come to yell at him some more, or maybe to kick his ass for stepping over his boundaries, or it was Katie, who’d tell him to stay the fuck away from her husband after seeing Julian kissing him from her balcony. No matter what it was, it wouldn’t be good.

Julian just stared at the door, he didn’t want to open it, but the knocking didn’t stop.

He took a deep breath as he wrapped his hand around the door handle and opened the door. His heart skipped a beat when he saw Nick standing there, looking rather uncomfortable, and Julian knew it was his fault. None of them spoke, but Julian stepped aside and allowed Nick to enter the room.

Nick scanned the room and noticed the half-filled suitcase on the floor. He cocked an eyebrow as he looked at Julian for the first time. ‘’Are you moving?’’ He asked quietly, and Julian just nodded. He didn’t know what else to say. He wanted to apologize, but the words just wouldn’t come out.

He leaned against the kitchen table with his back turned against Nick. He couldn’t look into those beautiful blue eyes without doing or saying something stupid. The buzzing in his head got stronger, and he clenched his eyes shut to stop it.

Nick cleared his throat behind him, and Julian could feel Nick’s gaze on him. He took a step closer to Julian, which didn’t help to lower his rapid heart rate. He was breathing rapidly as Nick came closer until he stood right behind him. Julian didn’t know what to expect, he just hoped it wouldn’t hurt too badly, but his thoughts died as he felt Nick’s hands on his shoulders, and he didn’t fight it when Nick made him turn around. Julian kept his head down, but Nick carefully lifted his head up with a finger under his chin. Their eyes met and Julian’s heart stopped. The buzzing in his head was getting louder, and he wondered if Nick could feel it too.

He was surprised to see Nick smiling at him. ‘’Hey,’’ Nick whispered as he stepped closer to him. Julian’s breath caught in his throat as he felt Nick's body against his own. The confused and angry expression in those beautiful blue eyes was replaced with an emotion Julian could easily recognize… curiosity. Nick’s hands glided gently over his shoulders and up to his neck until he held Julian’s face in his hands.

‘’Hey,’’ Julian whispered back hoarsely. They were so close now that their noses were rubbing together. Nick smiled before finally kissing him. Julian froze, unsure of what to do, but when Nick stroked a hand through Julian’s hair to deepen the kiss, he surrendered. 

Pleasure rolled through him as he felt Nick’s tongue against his lips, and he opened his mouth slightly to let him in. He knew he should pull away… that he should stop it before Nick would end up regretting it, but he couldn’t. He was allowed to be selfish just this one time, and just take what was offered to him.

Nick leaned his body in closer, and pressed his leg in between Julian’s legs, his thigh rubbing against Julian’s groin, and Julian moaned into his mouth. His hips were pushed so hard against the kitchen counter that it became painful, yet he didn’t want to pull away.

Nick pulled away and rested his forehead against Julian’s. ‘’I don’t want you to leave,’’ he whispered against his lips.

‘’Why?’’ Julian breathed. ‘’What changed?’’

Nick closed his eyes, not quite knowing what to say, and Julian half expected him to pull away from him, but he didn’t. Nick’s fingers danced gently over Julian’s lips as he smiled.

‘’Nothing-‘’ he said as he kissed his lips gently, ‘’-and everything.’’ Julian nodded and kissed his lips again.

‘’Maybe you should elaborate that a little,’’ Julian said with a cheeky smile on his lips.

‘’I don’t know if I can,’’ Nick began, his voice hoarse and breathless. He kept caressing Julian’s cheeks or stroked his hands through his hair. ‘’I never thought I would feel like this towards another man… it has never happened before. But there’s just something about you that makes it impossible to resist.’’

‘’Do you want to resist it?’’ Julian whispered, as his heart began to ache. Nick didn’t answer at first, instead, he just kissed him again, even more, passionate than the first time. He ran a hand up and down Julian’s chest and stomach, feeling every inch of him, and Julian wanted more.

Nick’s lips didn’t leave his as he whispered. ‘’If I wanted to resist it I wouldn’t be here right now.’’

He took Julian’s hand and kissed his wrist gently, he leaned in for another kiss, but Julian turned his head.

‘’I don’t know if I can do this,’’ Julian whispered, and he hated saying that out loud. He wanted to do it, he wanted to keep going, yet he couldn’t. ‘’you are married, Nick… and I don’t want to get used again, just because someone wants to experiment a little.’’ And he had been used… so many times since he was so naïve and trusting. They hadn’t seen him as a person with feelings, just something they could use to explore their sexualities before leaving him to collect himself and heal his broken heart afterward. Nick looked at him as he cocked an eyebrow at him.

‘’Used?’’ He repeated, and Julian began biting his lip nervously, ‘’what do you mean used? Who did that.’’ Julian just shook his head. ‘’Hey,’’ Nick whispered as he grabbed a hold on Julian’s head and forced him to look up at him. ‘’I would never use you, okay? I promise.’’

Julian didn’t quite believe it. ‘’You said so yourself… you’re not into guys.’’ He mumbled.

‘’No, I’m not,’’ Nick said with a little smile. ‘’But I’m into you. I won’t use you. I don’t know what this is, or why I suddenly feel this way, but I don’t want to resist it… it’s the only thing in my life that actually feels real.’’ Julian sighed before nodding, not really knowing what to say. ‘’Can I kiss you again?’’ Nick whispered.

Julian wanted to say no. It was a dangerous game, and he didn’t want to put his heart on the line again, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t resist it. ‘’Yes,’’ he muttered, and Nick smiled before leaning in again.

They stayed like that for a few seconds, pressing ghostly kisses against each other’s lips until Nick took his hand and guided him towards the couch.

Nick leaned against the armrest and made Julian sit down between his legs with his back against Nick’s chest. He laid his arms around Julian’s smaller frame and held him close while kissing his neck, ears, and the top of his head. The buzzing in Julian’s head has gotten milder as he entwined their fingers. It felt so wrong, and yet so right.

It was getting late, and Julian knew that Nick had to go back… but he wanted him to stay. He wanted Nick to hold him through the night and then kiss him good morning, but if he stayed, Katie would know that something was off, and that couldn’t happen.

‘’I have to go,’’ Nick whispered in his ear. Julian turned around and kneeled between his legs as he kissed him hard.

‘’I know,’’ he said and kissed him again, and again, and again. This felt different than the others who’d taken advantage of him throughout his life. Normally they would be kissing, then they would end up naked in Julian’s bed and they would just fuck him, never gently, before leaving him. But Nick didn’t pull off his clothes, and he didn’t push Julian into the bedroom to fuck him… he simply just held him and kissed him. ‘’Will you come back?’’ he whispered and Nick stood up.

‘’Always.’’ Nick leaned down and kissed him one last time before leaving the little house in the woods.

Julian was smiling like an idiot as he touched his lips. Maybe this wasn’t so bad after all.