“‘Did you fall from Heaven? Because you look like an angel’ is supposed to be a cheesy pick-up line — not an accurate summary of events!” Nigel complained, panting as he attempted to drag a semi-conscious Cassian through the forest.

“Who says I’m an angel?” Cas groaned.

“Dude!” Nigel halted for dramatic effect. “You have wings!” For emphasis, he nudged a blood-soaked feather with his foot, causing Cas to hiss with pain.

“Sorry.”

Cas’s wings were apparently more sensitive than he’d thought. Which also meant Cas was apparently in more pain than he’d thought. Concerned, Nigel accelerated his dragging, sweat making his black, boxy glasses slip off his nose.

Cas’s eyes fluttered open, blond lashes brushing his cheeks, and came face-to-face with Scooby-Doo. He tried to sit up to grasp his surroundings, but the wounds in his wings were agonizing, and he collapsed back onto his side.

“Thank God you’re up!” Nigel’s knees shuffled into Cas’s line of vision. “I couldn’t figure out what to do with you — if I dragged an angel home, Aunt Sally would probably start shaking with faith and pass-out. I had to leave you in the woods and run home for supplies, but the only tent I could find was from a Cub Scouts camping trip,” Nigel paused, realizing, “Are you okay?”

Cas’d never thought he’d enjoy his friend’s over-explanations, but the fact that Nigel was not (1) screaming or (2) suddenly worshipping him came as a major relief. Such a relief that he started giggling like a mad-person.

“I can’t tell whether that means you’re okay or if you’ve been gassed by the Joker.”

Cas’s laughter morphed into wincing.

“Sorry, it’s been a day. Thanks for your help.” Cas noticed his wings were bandaged with an absurd amount of gauze. Nigel had probably saved his life. If he had continued bleeding like that…

“No biggie. Need anything?”

A blood-transfusion, Cas thought. He felt more like a vampire than a ‘fallen angel.’

“Just to get one thing clear,” he said, “I didn’t fall from Heaven; I jumped.”

Nigel’s eyebrows shot up like catapulted caterpillars.

“Hmm?”

“Like quitting a job. I got tired of Heaven, so I decided to quit being an angel and live as a human here on Earth.”

“You don’t look very human to me.”

Cas glared. “You can’t even commit to a tattoo, and you expect me to have cut my wings off?”

“No, obviously. It’s just that you did look pretty human yesterday.”

“Shape-shifting Elixir. Raziel trades me Elixirs for human world information.”

“And Raziel is…?”

“The Angel of Secrets.”

“Ah. He have a thing for Swiss Cheese?”

“What?”

“Is he the one who put holes in you?”

“That was terrible.”

“My humor is not for those with limited intellect.”

“Your ‘humor,’ if that’s what you want to call it, is not for anyone.”

Nigel ignored him. “So, was it him?”

“No,” Cas sighed. “I was returning from Heaven after picking-up my new Elixirs. I didn’t think to use one for my descent since it doesn’t take very long and the weather’s foggy. Little did I know foggy weather’s perfect for Sky-Demon migration…”

“Sky-Demons?”

“Think skeletal pterodactyls with excellent javelin aim who hate angels and love Shape-Shifting Elixirs.”

“Ah.”

“Long story short, I have Swiss Cheese wings, and they have over a hundred Elixirs.”

“Ah.”

Nigel paused, thinking. “Cas, how much do these things hate angels? Do you think they’d chase after you?”

“Probably not. I mean, demons are petty, but they got what they wanted. Typically demons can’t actually kill angels, blessed and all, so they don’t bother trying. Of course, since I gave all that up, they could kill me, but fortunately they don’t know that.”

Nigel’s glasses suddenly slipped off his face. They trembled for a moment then started to take shape. A pterodactyl-y shape.

“NIGEL! RUN!”

Before Cas could move, Nigel whipped around, smashing the demon’s skeletal head clean off its neck. The demon crumpled in a heap of bones.

Panting and clutching a dented Scooby-Doo baseball bat, Nigel looked down at Cas.

“Okay, yes! Scooby was a lasting phase!”