Elise woke up the next morning to a sense of dread. The heavy weight on her chest that told her that something was very wrong. That something bad was about to happen. She half expected someone to come barging in, tell her that the Giskens were laying siege to Fort Airde. That she needed to get up and run, before she ended up in occupied territory, again. She laid in the bed for a long time, staring at the door, waiting for someone to come through with bad news.
It never came. All was still. Calm. She could hear birds singing in the trees, something she hadn’t even realized had been absent in Thaos since the Giskens arrived.
She eventually sat up and looked out the window next to the bed. The sun shone bright in the azure skies. Watchmen walked to and fro across the parade grounds. Life had marched on, unabated. It almost seemed to mock her, remind her of everything she’d left behind in Thaos.
Seeing the uniforms brought an uncomfortable itch to her mind. Made her think of soldiers she’d sooner forget. She wondered how long it would take for her every waking moment to not be consumed by the things she’d seen, the things she’d done.
Eventually, there was a knock on her door.
Elise’s heart lurched in her chest. The time had come.
“Miss: it’s Sergeant Hooten,” someone said from the other side of the door. “I have your breakfast.”
She forced herself to relax and walked to the door.
When she opened it, she saw Sergeant Hooten standing on the other side, holding a cloth bundle and a set of neatly-folded clothes in his hands.
“I snatched some food from Chubs,” Sergeant Hooten said, offering the bundle to her. “We also managed to scrounge up some new clothes.”
“… Chubs?” she asked as she took the bundle and the clothes.
“The cook,” Sergeant Hooten. “He’s… a real character. I told him to give me his better food, today, but I would still check everything for mold. Just in case. Be sure to come and find me if it isn’t up to scratch.”
Fantastic. “Thanks.”
Sergeant Hooten tipped his hat to her and turned to leave.
“Do you know if Ulrick – erm, Commander Praetor – is awake?” Elise asked before he could leave.
“I’m not sure,” Sergeant Hooten said. “If you want to go check, the infirmary is just across from here.” He pointed to a building on the other side of the parade field. Squat, brick, with a couple men in aprons taking a break in the grass in front of it. “If any of those bastard medics gives you a hard time, ask for Doc, and he’ll set them straight.”
“I… don’t have to stay in here?”
“Not that I know of,” Sergeant Hooten said. “Still: wouldn’t wander off too far. Just in case the commanders need to talk to you.”
Elise still struggled to wrap her mind around that thought. Sergeant Hooten wasn’t going to lock that door the second he left. She could go wherever she pleased, didn’t have to worry about making a false move that could end in her execution.
Gods. Her time as a prisoner hadn’t exactly lasted long, but she was still going to have to get used to the idea of being her own person.
“Thanks again for the food,” Elise said.
“Of course, ma’am,” Sergeant Hooten said. “Don’t hesitate to find me if you need anything.”
He walked away, and Elise shut the door.
She brought the food to the table and unwrapped the bundle. It was a simple breakfast: some bread, an apple. Even a little bit of cheese. All without a hint of mold.
Her stomach began to growl ravenously. She hadn’t realized just how hungry she was.
She ate it all, then unfolded the clothes. It was a faded red dress with a calico pattern. She got the distinct impression that Sergeant Hooten had snatched it from the closet of a Watchman’s wife, or someone’s daughter. Still, it was better than the ruined set of clothes she’d worn into the fort the night before.
She got dressed. The dress fit a little big, but it may as well have been tailor-made for her: it was a relief to just have on a clean set of clothes, again.
She laced up her boots and walked across the parade grounds to the infirmary.
The building was very utilitarian on the inside, just like her temporary home. Beds lined the walls, situated underneath windows. Those that were unoccupied were made neatly, while bandaged soldiers slept peacefully in those that were occupied. Cabinets sat between each bed, likely filled with medical supplies, and many of the beds had stools or chairs next to them. Men in white aprons with their sleeves rolled up checked on their patients, changing dressings and giving medicine as needed. Or, in the case of the bed on the far end of the row, trying to get their patient to lay back down, while their visitors looked on in apparent annoyance.
“If you think I’m letting you get out of this bed, you’re a damned fool.” She recognized the doctor as the man whom everyone called Doc. “You know you nearly died last night, right?”
“I told you, I’m fine-“ The patient tried to stand up, then sat back down, cursing.
“Like hell you are.” That was one of the patient’s visitors. A girl with black hair cropped short…
Commander Kurzhakova?
That could only mean…
Elise rushed over to the bed.
Sure enough, the patient was none other than Ulrick. He was already looking better than he was the previous night, but that wasn’t saying much. Bandages covered his stomach and chest, with one arm – the one he’d been shot in when she first met him – in a sling.
But, he was alive. Just that fact was a miracle.
Warmth filled her chest as she looked at him. They’d made it. Against all odds, both of them had made it out of Thaos alive.
The three men looked surprised to see her. In contrast, Commander Kurzhakova looked as if she were expecting it.
“Who the hell let you in here?” The other Watchman was a large tree of a man, with blonde hair pulled back in a short tail and blue eyes. He had scruff along his jaw and a nose that looked like it had been broken a few too many times.
“Sergeant Hooten said I could come in here,” Elise said.
“Let her stay,” Ulrick said.
“Fine,” the Watchman gruffed. “Saves me the trip of talking to both of you separately. Try to not get hysterical, there, girl.”
Elise almost had half a mind to show him what a hysterical woman looked like.
“Ulrick, lay your ass back down, start at the beginning,” the Watchman said.
Ulrick did as he was told. “I don’t know what else to say: they broke through the lines. They killed King Thias. They just about killed me trying to figure out where the Godswater is, and what Blessings do to the human body. They massacred half a town, and they’re probably planning how they’re going to take this fort as we sit here.”
“Elise said much the same thing,” Commander Kurzhakova said.
“You happen to know if anyone else made it away from the front?” the Watchman asked. “We’ve gotta whole list of people we can’t account for, anymore.”
Ulrick looked down at his hands. His eyes grew distant in a look she was already familiar with. The look he got when he was remembering the things he’d seen thus far in the war. “I don’t know about a lot of them. Marsh, though… I ran into him on my way out of the front. They got him, though. Him, and the kid he was ranging with. I was planning on going to talk with Marsh’s wife and that kid’s family.”
The Watchman winced. Commander Kurzhakova looked down at her feet.
Ulrick looked as confused as Elise felt. “What?”
“Marsh’s ranging partner,” the Watchman said. “His name was Brewer. Milo Brewer. Out of Thaos.”
Elise felt the last piece of her heart shatter.
It’s not true, she thought to herself as the group looked at her in sympathy. It’s not true: he’s alive. He can’t be gone, too!
Tears were welling up in Ulrick’s eyes, just as they were in hers. “Elise, I didn’t know. I swear-“
“How did he die?” It was all she could think to ask as she stood there, her face growing hotter, her vision growing blurry.
Ulrick didn’t say anything.
“You were there when he died, weren’t you?” Elise asked.
Eza put a hand on her shoulder. “Elise, I don’t think-“
“I want to know,” she said with more confidence than she felt. “I want to know what they did to my brother.”
Ulrick stared down at his hands. “They chased me all the way from the front. I’d just watched my king die, and I found Marsh and… they caught up to us while I was telling them what happened. They got Marsh first. Shot him in the head while I was talking to him. I told Brewer to run, but before he could… he bled out. He cried, told me he wanted to go home. Told me he didn’t want to die. And all I could do was sit there and hold him until he was gone.”
Elise could feel herself shaking. She was vaguely aware of Commander Kurzhakova asking if she was alright. Memories of her brother flashed in her mind. She remembered his toothy grin, the way he laughed. She remembered holding him as a baby, watching him grow up. Remembered when he fell out of a tree and broke his arm. Remembered giving him a hug before he left. Remembered him promising to come back home safe as soon as he could. All of it was wiped away, now. Gone. Just like Pa. Just like Ma, all those years ago. All of them had left her, and now, she had no one.
“Elise, I-“ Ulrick began.
She couldn’t bare to hear him finish the sentence.
Elise turned and ran outside.
She couldn’t breathe. It felt as if the whole world were closing in around her. Milo was gone. Her brother, dead. Her baby brother, crying to go home, begging the Gods to not let him die. In the moment he needed her most – bleeding, scared as monsters surrounded him – she hadn’t been there. She’d promised him that she’d always be there when he needed her, just as he’d promised to come home. And neither of them had kept their promise.
She sat on the steps of the infirmary before she could fall over. Her chest ached. Ached so badly, she wondered if she was about to die.
She heard someone walk out of the building behind her. Commander Kurzhakova sat down next to her. Didn’t say a word.
“I know that nothing I can say will make the pain go away,” Commander Kurzhakova said quietly. “But, I’m sorry. Truly.”
“He promised he would come home,” Elise whispered past the lump in her throat.
“I have no doubt he intended on keeping that promise,” she said. “I never knew him, but Silas did. Said he was a good kid.”
A kid. That was right: he shouldn’t have been out there in the first place. Being a soldier was something grown men did. Not little boys.
“I don’t have anything left,” Elise said. “He was the last family I had. I don’t even know anyone outside of Thaos.” She looked to Commander Kurzhakova. “What am I supposed to do?”
“I wish I could tell you,” she said. “I can tell you this much, though: Milo wouldn’t want you to spend the rest of your life wallowing. He’d want you to keep living for him. Live a happy life.”
She knew that she was right. That didn’t make the thought of moving on feel any less wrong, though.
“We’ll have a funeral for him and Marsh, tonight,” Commander Kurzhakova said. “I know it isn’t much, but… it’s one step closer to closure.”
Closure. She didn’t think she’d have that until the Giskens were gone.
She wished she could think of a way she could help make that happen.
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