Kiss Him

Omegaverse

Craig

Part Eleven

Something has been on Nathaniel's mind since we left the hospital a couple weeks ago and the more I asked why, the further away he seems to get, so I decided I just wouldn't ask anymore. Whatever it is, I'm sure he'll tell me soon enough, I hoped to god he'd tell me because for weeks I've been dying to tell him something, something I've never told another soul before and that's I'm so fucking in love with him. Obviously I sound like a complete idiot because I really thought I loved Marcus, but this feeling….this soul deep feeling I have for Nathaniel is….overwhelming and so damn perfect, instead….I've found that I'm unable to tell him. Maybe I'm scared that he doesn't feel the same and getting shot down would probably kill me, hypothetically of course, but it will feel like I died, I guess. A crushed heart is just as painful right? Just as close to death? "Craig, take Jordan for a moment will ya?" I snapped out of my thought provoking daze and held Jordan in my arms. Marcus and Walker are….god, they're fantastic parents. Even though Marcus still has a mouth like a toilet, he….is amazing.

"Hey." I whispered, holding the small infant in my arms. He's so damn cute, they both are.

"What's got you?" Marcus asked from besides me.

"Nothing. Still can't believe you gave birth to such beautiful babies."

"Really?" He moaned. "Have you seen me?"

"Obviously."

"So now you know. Anyway, what's eating you?"

"Nothing…."

"God Craig," he groaned and stood up. "Up and come with me. Let's go for a walk."

"Where?"

"To the store. I'm feeling in a chocolate mood."

"Can't you get Walker to get you chocolate?"

"Nope. Now get Jordan all strapped in the pram while I strap in Miles. By the way, you're pushing them," he mumbled. "God knows I've done my fair share of pushing." Then he laughed and as per usual it was contagious and I laughed too.

"Fine momma. I'll push the kids."

"Why thank you Craig. Good that you came here, with Walker back at work I thought I was going to lose all my hair. You ever had to feed two babies at the same time?"

"Really?"

"Oh shit. Yeah, Mr I don't like kids, but can't seem to leave mine alone."

"That's because I can give these ones back."

"Whatever," he snorted and grabbed the changing bag. "Anyway, lets get some air."

I nodded and let Marcus leave first. I looked at the two most adorable twin boys I'd ever seen and something warm flooded through me. Feelings? Warm fuzzy I want kids feelings, maybe. I'd never seen myself as a dad, I just couldn't ever picture me as one. But being around Jordan and Miles gave me those kinds of brooding feelings. Watching Walker and Marcus with their boys made me want that too. They were so damn happy. "Marcus?"

"Hmm, yeah."

"Do you think I'd make a good dad?"

Marcus gasped and then held a hand over mine as I pushed the boys down the street. It felt nice….really nice. "I think you'll make an amazing dad. I mean if I can do it, you definitely can."

"I think you're pretty amazing."

"Awww Craig, I love you too," he sang. "Anyway, where is Nathaniel?"

"He left to deal with some family stuff. He'll be back in a couple days."

"You'll tell him you love him when he comes back, right?"

"Love. I...I don't know. I'm not so sure if it's something he'll want to hear."

"Why do you think that?"

"I dunno."

"So tell him you big douche…."

"Oh my god!" I stopped when a young girl practically screamed. "Your babies are so adorbs. Seriously…."

"Awwww thank you sweetie." Jesus Christ, Marcus knows how to work the ladies. Then I heard myself chuckle. Of course he would, it's what he's good at. It's something he's perfected over the years.

"They're boys right? Sooooo adorable…." I rolled my eyes. Then let their conversation drown out. It was only the other day some women thought I was the dad, fucking hilarious right? I mean come on….it's pretty obvious I'm not. Yet….it kind of stung too. I guess a lot kind of stung lately. Marcus and Walker so easy brush everything aside, like nothing ever happened. I mean nothing happened per say, I should be over it all by now, the confession and shit. But I guess I'm not. Walker just acted like it never happened and I guess I feel kind of lost….somewhere between giving a shit and giving up. Or maybe I'm just using what happened as an excuse to hide my real life problem. Nathaniel. He's not really the problem, I'm the problem because I can't be honest with him or myself or anyone at that matter. Is not something I've ever had to navigate or deal with….

".....Craig….earth to Craig…"

"Huh?"

"You're daydreaming. That bird left a few minutes ago and let me tell you, your thinking face is not pretty my friend."

"Sorry, Marcus."

"Okay. What's up Craig?"

"Right….well, currently I'm thinking let's go sit on the beach and eat ice cream."

"Have you been replaced by one of those body snatchers from that film I watched the other night?"

"What?"

"Oh my god! Right, I said to Walker there's this film with alien monster things that take over people's brains and shit, I made him watch it with me which by the way he fell asleep halfway through...fucker, anyway you're like one of those alien monster things."

"Okay, deep breaths. That was a lot of information in one breath."

"Give me my kids and go get me a damn ice cream," Marcus grinned. "I'll be on the beach, weirdo."

I couldn't help but chuckle as he walked away. Weirdo? Right. Says the fucking weirdo. "Idiot." I mumbled, yet my smile didn't stay. As much as I love being around Walker and Marcus and the babies, I felt lonely….being back in Florida should have been a good thing, it should feel good, but it doesn't. I wasn’t good. Seemed like once I’d boarded the realization train I couldn’t disembark, and I saw in a flash my lodge in the mountains. Cold weather outside and warmth inside, with Nathaniel. Fuck I miss him. So I pulled my phone from my pocket to see he still hasn't messaged or rang since last night and honestly I didn't want to bother him while he was with his family. After everything he went through he needed this time, but I also needed it too.

I bit my lip and pulled up my messages and thought fuck it.

Me: Hey beautiful. How's it all going? Good I hope.

And sent.

Me: I miss you. X

Delete.

No way. I sound like such a sap. I cast my eyes to the ceiling of the shop, hoping for divine intervention. It didn’t come. I needed my backbone back. I felt lost and stupid. This is why I don't do relationships. Yet Nathaniel just felt different. Maybe I'm going wrong somewhere or maybe I just wasn't that important to him. He did say I was on a trial, but after all these weeks I thought I'd passed the trial and leveled up to boyfriend. It definitely felt like that or maybe that was just me deluding myself. Then my phone pings, making my heart jump.

Nathaniel: I'm on my way back. It's all gone tits up here. I shouldn't have fucking tried. God! Craig, can we go back to the cabin?

Me: What's happened? Are you okay?

Nathaniel: Do I sound okay? Seriously. No I'm not and I don't want to be here anymore. Can we just leave. Please. Anyway I'm getting on the freeway. I'll see you in a few hours.

Me: Okay. See you soon.

Leave? I know a moment ago I was thinking about not wanting to be in Florida because I love my mountain lodge, but I didn't want to go just yet. Maybe a few days….now the universe was getting wishy-washy. Namely Nathaniel wanting to rush off running again. Either that or it was my destiny to be buried under a mountain of worry and shit and loads of other stuff I just didn't feel comfortable with or because I'd never felt it before so it felt strange. Good? Bad? Not sure, I'm just a confused mess. My heart is there, then it's not. On my sleeve one moment, then gone the next. "Erm….excuse me…"

I jumped and spun on my heel to see a young girl, who looked like she wanted to run too. "...sorry….what is it?"

"Oh, right. Well you've been standing in this spot for over ten minutes…."

"I'm sorry, I was busy thinking."

"I see. Do you need help sir?"

I looked down at her again and saw her name badge. Daisy. "Ice cream….I need ice cream."

"Any particular kind?"

I shook my head. "Just a big tub of sorrows."

She smiled. Cute. "Chocolate it is," she said around her big cute smile. "My big brother always devours chocolate ice cream when he's feeling bad."

"Yep. Men are just as weak to the devil that is ice cream."

"I know I know," she sang and I followed her to the back of the store. "He's been so down for a little while now. I wish he would just snap out of it."

"Well, I guess I shouldn't buy all the ice cream then, although I know someone who has the appetite like a human trash can."

The young girl, Daisy, giggled and grabbed a tub of double chocolate ice cream. "Here, I hope it helps."

"Thank you and I hope your brother feels better soon too."

"Oh, step brother."

"I see," Not that she needed to share that bit of information with me, but she looked happy anyway. "How much do I owe?"

"Oh, five dollars."

I pulled my wallet from my pocket and pulled out a ten and handed it to the young girl. "Keep the change. I need to rush off."

"Oh, okay. Bye."

I nodded and walked away from the young girl and out the store and if the universe wasn't wishy washy enough, it hit me with brick too, and by brick I mean a guy as tall and big as me. I slammed right into the guy. "....shit, sorry." I mumbled and the guy just….stared at me. Weird. Real weird.

"It's cool buddy, accidents happen," Then he smiled and went into the shop, but not before I heard the young girl yelp very loudly 'Rhys!' "Hey sis." So that's her brother….step brother. I shook my head and headed towards the beach, clutching the tub of ice cream, then realized I didn't get one of those silly plastic spoons. Then I laughed out loud when I pictured Marcus snorting it up his nose. God I'm turning so fucking weird. Looks like I really do need to get back to my cold snowy lodge before I turn into an alien or something.