"Under the moonlit sky, did I see a beautiful fake smile..

Under the billion stars, did I see a perfectly carved lie..

Over the mountain top, did I see a fake world…

All tear apart"

She stood in front of me. A perfectly carved idol who satisfied everyone.

But..

"I have been wearing a mask. All my life", she said looking at me with a look I can best comprehend as broken.

The way she spoke, you could see that she tried her best to explain herself. But she was not holding back anymore.

The chains of 'expectations' that was holding her back had been broken and was now lying on the ground next to her.

…

"I put on a mask one day and it has always been there ever since. 'Pretending to be a 'nice girl''. That was the only way I could save myself from loneliness.

I always thought 'good people' don't deserve to and won't get hurt. So I did what I could to be 'good'"

Ritsu. She looked like a lovely girl. But seeing this side of her… I guess I was both right and wrong. Humans are complex creatures after all.

"I started to do silly things. I worked hard to maintain a 'good relationship' with others. I could see that they were using me for their own selfish tactics but I thought 'if I continue to act 'good' I won't be affected'. It was all a lie. The person who was affected by these fake relationships the most was me.

But I still hadn't learnt my lesson I guess.

The person in my head, I had to become her. I was so desperate that I even 'sold off' my talent… the only thing that was left of my 'real self'.

I was scouted into an idol group and from there…"

This time, she didn't hold back. The face she made was awful.

It was bitter, filled with anger and disgust.

But somehow this setting was more relaxing to me. It might seem like I am a jerk for saying that, but right now I was looking at what she really was.

The fake 'toxic sweet' girl was fading away.

"At first everyone adored me…", she continued…" But the mask I wore stuck to my face permanently. It even got a name. It was called 'Canary Cassiopeia'.

I became a lifeless doll.

I had to endure the rude comments from 'anti fans' and the sexual harassment from the disgusting insiders.

Unable to sing what I want. Unable to eat what I want. Unable to go where I want. It was almost as if I was kept in a showcase with a 'do not touch' sign.

It continued like that for five years.

I was hollow inside. I don't know if I had become the person inside my head but I felt disgusted. I felt like I was drowning in this sea of expectations.

I was less me and more 'Canary Cassiopeia'.

Slowly enough, it came to me. One day when I looked into the mirror, she was gone. The person called 'me' was gone.

I was living the life of someone else.

They were people who told me how to be. There were people who told me who I was. They were all 'Canary's fans'. I had enough.

Tomorrow has become a living horror tale for me.

Soon enough that day came. Somewhere inside my head I knew that this fate had been waiting.

That day, I decided to end it.

I wrote a small letter where I took the blame on myself and quit the idol group. And that day I came here."

Her eyes were dark and she looked at me.

"Oh by the way. You looked clueless about me first. Did you pretend to not know me?", she asked.

"No.. that's not it. Last year when this incident happened I had shut myself. I was preparing for entrances so.. No actually I am someone who never knows what happens outside"

"Shut in neet"

" Yes"

" What . Don't accept it proudly you idiot!"

She smiled for a moment. The next her face grew dark.

"Neet you say then How'd you know?"

"Today.. I met her. Mrs. Ludwig."

"Mamma… Right she came to give me flowers"

"You like daisy?"

"Yes I do… Sooo… What did she tell you?"

"I saw your picture on her phone so I asked her about it. She told me she was a mother. And she also asked me if I knew you."

" What did you say?"

"Nothing.. and then she assumed I was your fan who came to visit you. She gave me a card to her flower shop. I visited her and she told me about you"

"H..hey. Why are you not talking about it? You must have gotten to know about it ? You must have gotten to know about what happened the moment you met my mother right? She was wearing black after all."

"..."

" Hey don't look down. Look at me.."

She said that but I couldn't face her. I wanted to know so I asked...

"They said everywhere that it was.."

She interrupted me. She looked straight into my eyes and looked determined.

"That day when I came I really wanted to die. But when I had to jump, my legs wouldn't move.

I planned to give up…. "

She said with a sad look on her face.

"But then I got a text message."

Her expression changed. It became twisted.

"My group had broken up...

It was all blamed on me for giving a bad performance. The messages never stopped. It had threats and hate filled words. I didn't know what to do. My mind went blank."

She shut her eyes tight. She was telling something that she didn't want to remember.

"It was then that something unexpected happened. No, I guess it was my fate.

When I turned to return I accidentally slipped.

It was as if "Go die" was some kind of prayer that had been fulfilled.

That day…"

She looked at me with a tear filled eyes.

" ' Canary Cassiopeia' had her last breath.

…

I was stupid huh.

That moment, the only thing that filled my head was regret.

That's what I got for being someone else"

Ritsu Ludwig. Right now I was looking at her.

She looked lifeless. She was holding back her tears.

It was also her true form.

What could I tell her. I was left speechless.

I myself felt as if I could feel her sorrow but I would never understand.

Strangely enough I wanted to tell her….

"Your.. your mother said she misses you"

"... Huh?"

"And she wishes that wherever you go. You will be happy and live. And.. that she will always love you"

…

I did it this time.

All the courage that she had, The thick face that she wore, the tears she was holding back, all broke down with my words.

Aah ahh. She cried.

Her lifeless eyes seem to glow now. She is dead, but she is more human than me.

Right now, she looked more human than anyone I ever met.

She was sniffing. She was angry yet she looked relieved.

She glared at me and said,"Hari.. Hari Youka"

" You can call me Hari"

"Hari… Hari you're heartless. How can you make a girl cry and leave her alone like this?"

" Haa? What is this...cliche?"

She stared at me like a tiger who is about to pounce on her prey.

"You really do have a sharp tongue for a neet!"

" That.. that kind of hurt you know"

She stuck her tongue out and said You deserve it you shut in.

She is really something.. The person who was standing in front of me, I want to tell her everything. I felt I could lift a load off my chest. But this was my own selfishness.

So I said,"I.. I was lifeless. I felt I was living like a robot. I became a sore loser. I didn't feel like I was living anymore. ' I wonder if it is good if I die?'. I thought of dying everyday"

She stared at me with her eyes wide open.

"But then when I fell down, I felt an instant regret. I wonder why. Was I scared?"

I looked at her and she made a complicated expression.

"...But then you saved me.

You tried your best to save me.

Even though you looked weak you were giving it your all. After a long time I felt something spark within me.

It was hope. I wanted to live.

When I didn't see you when I woke up I felt restless. I wanted to see you. I wanted to thank you.

When I heard about your death I felt pain. I was hurting. It was almost as if I had lost something very close to me. When I went to visit your mother I wanted to learn more about you. How you lived, what you like, where you wanted to be.

When I saw you smile I felt happy. When I saw you cry I wanted to protect you. When I saw you turn red like you are right now.."

"... Ha.. hmm. .. what are you blabbering.."

"I wanted to tease you more."

"You.. you act all innocent but you aren't you know."

" When I hear you complaining I want to hear more…. So Ritsu Ludwig…"

She was looking straight at me.

" You brought so many feelings into me. I.. I am your fan.

Not of Canary Cassiopeia who is perfect, but of Ritsu Ludwig who is imperfect."

She didn't stop crying.

She closed her mouth with her palms. She was smiling and crying at the same time. Aah what a beautiful sight.

The night sky had stars all over. But I was looking at the one in front of me.

She knit her eyebrows and let out a breath and said," Stop smiling like that Hari!! You are rude!!!"

"I didn't know. It's not on purpose…. Hmmm do you think it's a disease of some sort?"

"Don't say it so seriously!!",she said and tried to look serious.

Then she giggled.

"Hey… Me too…", she said.

"Huh?"

" When I saw you singing and acting like a kid. I hoped that I could do that too.

I was stuck in this mountain. I saw a lot of people pass by. But I couldn't talk to anyone.

That day when I saw a shooting star and wished that I could be able to talk to you.

But then you started walking towards the end. And you say you're afraid of heights."

"Aah that. I actually wanted to be able to die in my favourite place trying to get rid of one of my fear at least"

"Oye have you heard bungee jumping?"

"...oooh that exists"

"You seriously… But. You are persistent aren't you? That is what I admire about you"

"You.. Me??"

" Yup. It was because of you that I was able to break all the chains that bind me. Although I'm dead, I got to live as myself again."

"You saved me too. So I will live my life dedicating it to you. I will live for you..", I said seriously.

"I… Am already gone. My time has stopped. besides. I saved you only because I wanted to. you have to do nothing to pay me back.

Besides, you.. opened the cage for me…. So…''

She looked at me with kindness filled in her eyes.

Aah so she finally did it. She opened the tape that shut her mouth and…

" 🎶 I hope the stars that shine on you reach the corner of your heart,

Wherever and whoever you are you'll always live in my heart🎶"

She sang.

The stars in the background, the mountain view, everything was beautiful.

But in front of me was someone who sang just a line.

She was shining. Not because she looked like an angel descended on earth… Such phrases seem meaningless in front of what I saw.

The person in front of me was the most beautiful human. She wasn't perfect, nor was she the best. But she was a soul who had broken free from everything. She was free. She was beautiful.

Even the stars fell for her charm and fell behind her.

"Ritsu.. the stars … are falling for you.."

"Huh?"

She looked back and I walked towards her. She looked like a little child. Totally mesmerized. But suddenly she was shocked.

"What is the matter?"

"....o…. Ha… m……"

Huh!!! Her voice… stopped working. She couldn't speak.