Damien pushed the wooden beam off his chest and stood up. The entire west side of the tavern wall was gone. The other patrons moaned in pain as they stood up to behold the wreckage. They all were lucky to be alive.

“That dragon came out of nowhere,” the tavern owner said. “You’d think someone outside would have screamed or something.”

Damien agreed, but it was late evening. Anyone with half a brain cell would be inside, not wandering the streets. Dragon attacks were increasing now that Sir Galahad had bought the farm. The raspberries he grew seemed to be attracting them.

There were no raspberries in the tavern. What had this dragon wanted? It was then he realized not everyone in the tavern was accounted for.

“Greg!” Damien searched the wreckage for any sign of his boyfriend, but there was none. The dragon stole him. “Dammit!”

What was he going to do? He knew he had to save Greg, but how could he expect to go up against a dragon and live? What was to say the dragon hadn’t eaten Greg already? No, he couldn’t think like that. Greg was alive; he had to believe that, otherwise, what was the point of this adventure?

Damien turned to his fellow humans and picked up the biggest stick nearby. “Folks! For too long, we’ve been harassed by dragons. No more, I say! No more!” The tavern folk cheered. “This dragon dies tonight!” More cheers. “Who’s with me?” Dead silence. He frowned and shook his head. “Fine. You folks go burn down the raspberry farm then.” The cheers returned as the folk gathered the wreckage with the intent to use them as incendiary devices.

Knowing he would have to face this dragon alone, he stepped outside through the hole it created and gazed toward the Green Mountain where the dragon lived. It would be a long journey on foot. He wished there was a bus or some kind of ski lift. Time was of the essence.

Damien heard the sound of clopping hooves behind him. He saw an old man riding a white horse approach him. Finally, something is going my way.

The man was about to ask him if he needed a ride, but Damien pulled him from the horse and took it for himself. He climbed onto the horse and took off into the night.

He rode for three hours before he finally reached the top of Green Mountain. The horse was so tired, it collapsed the moment Damien jumped off its back.

A massive cave stood before him. It was dark and smelled of death and mint. He gagged despite telling himself he had smelled worse. With no weapon, he strode inside as noisily as he could. He wasn’t trying to be stealthy; he wanted the dragon to know he was coming for it and his man.

The tunnel was long and winding. After a few minutes, Damien reached a point where the ground slanted downward. He arrived at a set of stairs which led to a torch-lit cavern filled with piles of gold coins and… beautiful men wearing nothing but flimsy loincloths.

What a slut, Damien thought. Upon closer inspection, the men were slathered in some kind of oil that made their skin glisten in the torch light.

On top of the highest pile of gold sat the mighty red dragon. Its eyes zeroed in on Damien as he made his way to the bottom of the stairs. “You are trespassing,” it said in a booming voice. “The punishment for that is-”

“...death, whatever. Where’s Greg?” Damien had scanned the oiled men and saw Greg was not among them. Though he was only too happy to look again, just to make sure Greg really wasn’t hiding in there somewhere. “I know you have him.”

“Damien!” Greg’s voice came from above them. Damien looked up at the ceiling of the cavern to find a golden cage. His boyfriend gazed down at him, his eyes pleading for help.

The dragon’s face was smug as he watched their anguished expressions. “Oh dear, it seems I got your boyfriend. I’m such a naughty boy. Whatever will you do?”

Damien didn’t want to admit that it was a good question. He didn’t really have a plan. He just stormed in and expected what? He could ask for a trade, but what did he have that the dragon would want more than Greg?

“I can see it on your face, you want a trade,” the dragon said.

What, can this dragon read minds or something?

“Yes,” the dragon replied. “I know you called me a slut. Isn’t that rude, boys?”

The well-oiled captives nodded and murmured their agreement with the statement.

“Your man is the best thing I have ever laid my eyes on. You had better have something worth trading if you want him back.”

Damien racked his brain for something, anything. And then it hit him. A smirk came to his lips. “You like raspberries, right?” From the glint in the dragon’s eyes, he knew he had gotten his attention. “At this very minute, the townspeople are burning the farm. Gee, it might already be gone. It was three hours since you left.”

The dragon licked his lips. The very thought of having to find another raspberry farm so close to the end of the season was more than he could bear. The next farm was at least two hours away in dragon miles. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

“You really have my balls in a vice, human.” The dragon reached up and grabbed the cage. He placed it before Damien and opened it. The two men embraced and kissed as if they had been separated for years instead of hours. “There. You have your man back. You tell those bastards to start replanting those raspberries this minute, or I’ll eat them up.”

Damien promised he would as he and Greg left the cave. Once he was sure he was out of the dragon’s telepathic range, he thought, fuck those guys. He was going to enjoy reading about their crispy deaths in the paper later.