“Psssst!” Damien was jolted from a dead sleep. He removed his sleep mask and looked around the bedroom for whatever was leaking. The bathroom light was on at Greg’s insistence, so the bedroom wasn’t dark. There didn’t appear to be anything that should be leaking. He looked over the edge of his side of the bed and found Bertram curled up, sleeping peacefully, silently.

“Pssst!”

This time it came from outside of the room. Damien sighed and rolled his eyes. “Look, whatever this is, I’m not in the mood.” He slid his mask back over his eyes and proceeded to go back to sleep.

He was on the cusp of unconsciousness when he heard, “PPPPPSSSSSSTTTT!” right in his left ear.

“WHAT?!” Damien tore the mask off his face and sat up. He looked to see if he woke up Greg. Of course, he didn’t. Bertram, on the other hand, was awake. He whimpered as he looked up at his daddy. Damien turned to look at the chupacabra, only to find a man wearing a red tuxedo standing right beside him. “The fuck!”

The red man grinned at him politely. “There we are. I thought you’d never wake up. Now, if you will kindly follow me to the basement, I have some things I need to discuss with you.”

Damien had questions. Who was this guy? Where’d the hell did he come from? How’d he get in the house with Bertram tearing him apart, or at least howling? He asked none of those questions. The question at the forefront of his mind was, “What basement? We don’t have a basement.”

The red man chuckled. “Sure you do; otherwise, I wouldn’t have asked you to go down there.” He offered a hand, which Damien oddly accepted, and helped him out of bed. “Now, if you’d follow me.”

“Wait, who are you?” Damien finally asked.

Another chuckle escaped his mouth as he spun around dramatically. His eyes turned yellow with snake-like pupils as he said, “I’m Deviel, your basement demon. Pleased to make your acquaintance.”

Of course, we have a basement with a basement demon. Must be Tuesday, Damien thought. It was not Tuesday.

“What’s in the basement?”

Deviel only giggled in response. He led them out of the bedroom. Bertram attempted to follow, but a stern glare from the red man caused him to stay with Greg. This worried Damien. If even a bad bitch like Bertram was afraid to cross this guy, then maybe he shouldn’t either.

They went down the staircase and into the kitchen. Damien did a double-take when he saw a door by the fridge that hadn’t been there before. In fact, the kitchen appeared to be bigger than it was before. How had he not noticed that door before now?

Deviel opened the door and guided Damien down into the basement. A pulsing red light filled the space, giving it a hellish aura. It was warm down there as well. They felt the heat the second the door opened. The humidity caused Damien’s eyelids to stick to his eyeballs each time he blinked. Ugh, it’s like Florida, he thought.

When they reached the bottom of the stairs, Damien was surprised to find he did, indeed, have a basement; it was full of stuff he didn’t recognize. He wanted to ask who this stuff belonged to, but the shiny seven-foot red crystal sticking out of the floor in the center of the room demanded his attention.

“What the fuck is that?” Damien asked, his voice squeaking with shock. “How did this get here?”

Deviel glared at him. “You ask too many questions, man. I didn’t come here to be interviewed.”

“Then what did you come here for?” Damien realized he asked another question and flinched at Deviel’s withering stare. He made the gesture of zipping his lips and returned his attention to the massive crystal.

Damien estimated it had to be seven feet in diameter if his math skills were still sharp. As he examined it further, there appeared to be something humanoid suspended deep within, like a mosquito in amber. It quickly dawned on him what Deviel wanted.

“That’s you,” Damien said, making sure it wasn’t phrased like a question. “You somehow want me to set you free.” That didn’t make sense, did it? Deviel was clearly standing before him in all his red glory, almost blending in with the crystal’s light.

Deviel saw the questions on Damien’s face and scoffed. Even when he said nothing, his questions were annoying. “Yes, that’s me. I can only project my essence outside the crystal within the house. To truly be free, I need you to release my body from its prison.”

Damien arched a brow as he realized something the red man said. “You need me?” He grinned when he saw Deviel’s face sour, confirming his claim. “So, unless I take complete leave of my senses, you’re stuck in there.”

Deviel crossed his arms and pouted. “Yes,” he said grudgingly.

Damien knew this guy was bad news and had to have been imprisoned for a valid reason. So releasing him was obviously not happening. Still, curiosity tugged at his reasoning.

“How would I go about freeing you if I wanted to do that?”

Deviel’s expression turned hopeful. “You would have to recite a spell. It’s simple, really. How’s your Latin?”

Damien raised his hands and shook his head. “Oh, no. I don’t fuck with Latin.”

Deviel moaned as he realized his hopes were in the process of being dashed. “The Latin isn’t even the hardest part! It’s the bleeding that’s hard. But if it’s the language you’re hung up on, I can spell it out phonetically. You were hooked on phonics as a child, right?”

“I’m sorry. I wish I could help you,” Damien said, ascending the stairs.

“But you can!”

Damien stopped just to say, “Correction. I wish I wanted to help you.”

Deviel’s eyes glowed bright yellow, and the crystal’s light intensified as he shouted. “You’re just gonna leave me down here?”

“Yup.” Damien was at the top of the stairs now.

“I swear on Lucifer’s little black horns, I will haunt you! I will torment you until I bend you over my knee, and make you free me.”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time.” And with that, Damien shut the door. He heard the devil man scream curses at him in some infernal language. He didn’t have to guess what names he was being called. He also didn’t have to care. He had to get back to sleep and hopefully finish his dream about horseback riding with Neil Patrick Harris shirtless in a cherry orchard, then maybe even another kind of back riding later.

As he petted Bertram and got back into bed, Deviel’s threats echoed in his head. You're gonna haunt me? Bring it. I’ve been haunted by worse things than you. He put his sleep mask back on and drifted off to sleep. NPH was waiting.