The drive back is spent mostly in peaceful, happy quiet. We keep snatching quick glances at each other, laughing softly. I think we’re both still absorbing everything that we shared with each other tonight.

Aiden reaches over, but not for my hand. Instead, he gives my thigh a squeeze, and his fingers linger there, tracing small circles on the fabric of my jeans.

I catch his gaze in the rearview, and find his blue eyes incendiary in a way I know well by now.

“And you call me a little demon?” I tease, breaking the spell of our silence. “You haven’t had enough, after this past week?” Aiden only smiles, doesn’t answer, so I add: “I was worried you might leave again, like after the Fling Thing. Thought I should get as much of you as I could, just in case.”

“Is that why we’ve been on such a crazy marathon all week?” Aiden moves his fingers to my arm, which he starts gently stroking with his knuckles. “I was wondering.”

“You were? Why didn’t you ask?”

“Because I didn’t want to accidentally do anything to make it stop.”

I match Aiden’s smile, warmth rippling out from where he’s touching my arm.

“I’m so glad you didn’t run off,” I tell him. “I really thought… with what your mom said to you...”

He takes my hand and brings it to his lips, brushing it with soft, airy kisses.

“If I'm being honest, that was my first instinct. It’s hardwired in, I swear. But… I don’t want to run anymore. I want this. I want you.” Aiden lowers my hand, then pins on, “By the way, if you’ve had enough, we can take a break tonight. It’s totally fine.”

Taking a break doesn’t tempt me in the slightest. Now that Aiden’s wandering hands have pulled me out of my thoughts, I feel a powerful need to be with him. I want to tell him that I love him one more time tonight, this time without using words.

I’m only surprised that he’s feeling the same way, that he’s not exhausted after the week we’ve had. I think he’ll probably change his mind, yawn, maybe pass out.

But when we get to Aiden’s place, when I push him down onto his couch, sit on his lap, and offer him my mouth - he takes it with his. He sinks a hand into my hair, cradles my head, and kisses me.

Aiden kisses me like he’s always known exactly how he wants to, and it finally makes sense.

Tonight, his kisses start off sweet and gentle, but soon they turn harder, hungrier. More urgent with each piece of clothing tossed aside.

Eventually, we roll onto the floor, gasping and clinging to each other, like we’re trying to bring our bodies even closer than they have been before now.

~~~~

I expect to stay up really late, processing everything that happened tonight.

Before I can wade my way through a single thought, I drift into a deep, peaceful sleep.

I dream of a hand. A hand reaching through a decade’s worth of anger, hurt, distance, and fear - reaching for me.

I shrink back from it at first, but when I take it, I am lifted, floating. I am held. Somehow I know that I won’t have to worry about being let go. I look for the hand’s owner, and see someone, through a nimbus of shining golden light.

When I blink awake, I’m alone in bed. The spot where Aiden should be is empty, cold.

Sharp fear rises in me. He changed his mind. He left. He’s gone.

But no, he said he wouldn’t do that, and I promised to trust him. It can’t be that he ran.

I slip out of the bed, fumble in the darkness for my clothes, then step out into the tiny living room.

My heart melts in relief when I find Aiden sitting at his desk, the glow of the lamp falling over him. He’s in his boxers, his hair all messed up from where my grasping fingers were tangled in it earlier. There’s a soft purple bruise on his shoulder, a thumbprint I didn’t know I’d left there. I must have been holding him more tightly than I realized.

What is he doing up? I know he’s not having a difficult night with his anger. He’s turned away from me, but I’m getting good at reading his body language. He’s calm, relaxed.

He hasn’t noticed me watching him from the doorway. I’m learning that sometimes, if you catch him off guard, the sounds of the physical world don’t seem to reach him.

I step closer, and still, Aiden doesn’t turn.

I’m near enough now to see what he’s doing. He’s got the new poem on the desk before him, and he’s painstakingly smoothing out every crumple and crease in the page. He must know that I could write it down for him again on a new piece of paper, but I guess he wants to keep this specific version.

I stand there for a few minutes, watching him. I toy with the idea of going over, sitting on his lap. Telling him I can’t sleep without him, guiding him back to bed.

In the end, I turn around and leave my archivist to his work.

~~~~

When Aiden returns to the bedroom sometime later, I watch him secretly, through the darkness. He bends over, finds his wallet in the pocket of his discarded jeans.

Very carefully, he folds up the new poem. He presses it to his chest for a moment before he tucks it into his wallet, right next to the old one.

He sheds his boxers, then climbs back into bed.

I roll over to face him and push a sleepy kiss onto his mouth. He’s surprised to find me up, but he gathers me into his arms, pulls me closer.

“Everything okay?” I murmur.

I’m pretty sure it is, but my heart has been on an emotional rollercoaster for an entire week, and I just want to hear it from Aiden, so I can rest.

“Yes. Everything’s perfect.” The low rumble of his voice vibrates against my cheek. “Go back to sleep, I can tell that you’re tired.”

“Mmm, okay.” I yawn deeply, getting comfortable against his body. But a question is pulling at me, and I have to ask. “Aiden?”

“Hm?”

“What you said about - me always coming back to you, trying to be your friend, when I wasn’t doing that with Ralph and the rest of them… I didn’t realize that I was only doing that with you. Not until you pointed it out tonight, anyways, but - even if I didn’t know, you felt something between us.”

“I… yes.”

“And you still never expected me to turn around and love you back?”

There’s a silence.

“It was just - one little thing,” Aiden finally says. “The only sign I ever had from you, and I wasn’t sure if it really meant what I hoped it did.” He pauses. “To answer your question. You know how I was hell-bent on destroying any chance that we could be together?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, after everything I did and said to you, I thought I had done exactly that. Completely ruined my chances.” He presses his nose into my hair. “So glad I was wrong about that.”

I smile, my cheek pushing against his arm. “Me, too.”

“Good. Now go to sleep.”

“Okay, okay.” I close my eyes. “Goodnight. I love you.”

Aiden lets out a soft breath. I feel the warmth of it in my hair.

“I love you, too.”

I could lay awake for hours thinking about this, trying to chart all the lines on the map of our history, trying to understand how they connect.

But I’m too tired to keep my eyes open, and that’s okay. Aiden loves me. That’s all I need to know.

~~~~

Me 11:55 AM: Hello friends, Raj and I are stopping at Wing Man before we come meet you all at the exhibition space, you guys want anything?

Raj 🔨 11:56 AM: We’ve got Noah’s order, but Aiden, Ripples, M?

Ripley 🎶 11:57 AM: I’m good, ate already

Companion Plant 🍃 11:58 AM: Yes please, get me some chicken

Raj 🔨 11:58 AM: Aiden do you like drums or flats?

Companion Plant 🍃 11:58 AM: Both

Me 11:59 AM: TYPICAL

Raj 🔨 11:59 AM: Lmaooo of course, should have known

Companion Plant 🍃 12:00 PM: 😑

Companion Plant 🍃 12:00 PM: This is biphobia

Me 12:00 PM: Okay but you also said that when you couldn’t get my car to start the other night

Companion Plant 🍃 12:01 PM: It only wouldn’t start for me, Jamie!! You and Kent got it going in like two seconds!!

Melanie 🌸 12:01 PM: I’m okay on food, but can someone explain why I found a bunch of filled-up water balloons in my freezer? They’re frozen solid, hard as rocks

Noah ⚡ 12:02 PM: Oh, those are mine! Raj and I are gonna have a water balloon fight, but like, extreme mode

Melanie 🌸 12:02 PM: Hoo boy okay, where to start with that

Ripley 🎶 12:03 PM: Is Noah going to wear the sparkly wig / can I come watch this?

Raj 🔨 12:03 PM: Sad news there, Noah threw the wig away after one outing, it turned out to be a health hazard

Companion Plant 🍃 12:03 PM: Explain.

Noah ⚡ 12:04 PM: So much glitter in my lungs

Noah ⚡ 12:04 PM: SO much

Me 12:07 PM: Was the one outing glorious, though? Did you send the wig off in style?

Noah ⚡ 12:08 PM: No 😔 I only got to wear it to the grocery store

Companion Plant 🍃 12:09 PM: You actually wore that to a grocery store, Noosh?

Me 12:11 PM: So hang on, we’re calling the wig a health hazard, but the rock-solid water balloons aren’t?

Melanie 🌸 12:12 PM: K just need a headcount on how many people are coming to watch Noah and Raj kill each other with water balloons. Flat $5 entry fee, unless you also want to watch Noah cough glitter, then it’s an additional $10

Me 12:13 PM: Why would anyone want to watch Noah cough out glitter omfg

Raj 🔨 12:14 PM: Dude it’s gross but also weirdly mesmerizing? Trust me

Ripley 🎶 12:16 PM: Not to divert us from what is clearly a v important conversation, but does anyone know why Aiden has been so smiley today? Like, ALL day, without a break. Highly suspicious 🤨

Raj 🔨 12:20 PM: Jamie your silence is deafening

Noah ⚡ 12:21 PM: Think I can probably guess why, based on some very inappropriate things Jamie said to me on the phone once when he thought I was Aiden

Me 12:21 PM: NOAH

Noah ⚡ 12:22 PM: Oh, now he responds

Companion Plant 🍃 12:24 PM: What, I can’t be in a good mood?

Me 12:25 PM: Hey Melanie does the flat $5 entry fee include a drink or anything?

Melanie 🌸 12:27 PM: One cup of sangria. Non-alcoholic version will be available for me, and for Aiden

Companion Plant 🍃 12:28 PM: Thanks but I’d actually like to participate, where do I sign up to compete?

Noah ⚡ 12:31 PM: Are you kidding me? If Aiden is playing, I’m out

Raj 🔨 12:34 PM: Yeah I honestly think that Aiden could probably kill us both with one good throw

Me 12:36 PM: Aiden!! You are not playing. I like your face the way it is, rather not have it rearranged by a fucking water balloon

Raj 🔨 12:38 PM: Damn, M, you’re not going to try and stop me and Noah from playing? You don’t like our faces the way they are? 😔

Melanie 🌸 12:40 PM: This is gonna be hilarious, someone remember to bring a camera

Raj 🔨 12:42 PM: WOW

Ripley 🎶 12:42 PM: I’ll bring one! Maybe we’ll get some shots for the exhibition.

Raj 🔨 12:42 PM: Why must you hurt me

Melanie 🌸 12:43 PM: Hello, I’m obviously kidding! I already took them out to melt, dummies. I love your face Raj, and yours too, Noah. Not about to let anything happen to either of them

Me 12:44 PM: Aww hear that Noah? Your face is LOVED

Noah ⚡ 12:46 PM: Yeah yeah alright enough

Companion Plant 🍃 12:47 PM: I’m almost there, see you all soon!

~~~~

An afternoon working at the exhibition space provides exactly what I needed: distraction.

I’ve decided to take some time before I really sit down and think about what Aiden told me, how long he’s loved me. My brain is fragged from worrying nonstop for a week, and I’m only going to think myself in circles.

It’s hard to keep my mind from going back to it, but that’s alright. I’m hit with an accompanying rush of warmth and giddiness every time it pops into my head, so I actually like touching on it throughout the day, as long as I don’t let myself get dragged in completely.

Even though I’m mentally exhausted, I’m so, so happy. Aiden is not the only one who can’t stop smiling today.

Besides the shared smile, I don’t think we’ve behaving differently, but apparently Noah has all he needs to put two and two together. He corners me in the garden at the first opportunity, a very smug look on his face.

“Well, well, well,” he says, one hand planted on his hip, the other leaning against the wall, blocking all exit routes.

“Stop it,” I groan, but Noah’s grin is contagious, and I’m already quick to smile today. He sees my expression and slaps my shoulder.

“Dude! What did I say? I told you.”

I pluck at the sleeve of my flannel, my cheeks heating up. “You were right.”

“Yeah I was!” Noah answers, so loudly that I let out a startled laugh.

“Shush, Noah! Someone’s gonna hear you and come-”

“Why are we yelling?” Aiden asks, poking his head out into the garden. Noah whips around, beaming at him.

“Aw, dude!” he says, as Aiden steps outside to join us. “I knew you’d say it back!”

Aiden blinks at him, then looks at me. I’m standing with my hands over my mouth, my entire face flaming.

“What?” Aiden turns back to Noah, his eyebrows all the way up. “You knew Jamie was gonna tell me?”

“Fuck yes, of course. People come from far and wide to hear my sagely advice, bro. It was very cute, Jamie was all, I’m gonna die if he doesn’t say it back.”

A grin even bigger than Noah’s unfolds on Aiden’s face.

“Okay.” I put my hand over Noah’s mouth. “You dumb fucking - Noah. Everyone’s gonna hear you!”

“Oh, shit, is it a secret?” he asks, his volume dropping considerably.

“No, it’s not a secret, I don’t care if people know, it’s just that my face is gonna burn off if one more person-”

“What are you guys all doing out here?” Raj asks, stepping into the garden, tucking his measuring tape into his pocket.

“Raj!” Noah beckons him over. “Did you know that these two are in love?”

Raj joins us, his eyebrows drawn up in confusion.

“Yeah, of course. What? Obviously.”

“Noah, you told him?” I gasp, smacking his arm. “You promised me you-”

“No,” Raj interrupts. “Why would I need someone to tell me? I hang out with you two all the time. I mean, M figured that out all by herself on like, day one of seeing you two together, so-”

“What I mean, dude,” Noah cuts back in, “Is that they told each other.”

Raj’s puzzled expression clears, and now I have all three of them grinning at me.

“My boys, this is a special moment.” Raj solemnly places one hand on Noah’s shoulder, and one hand on Aiden’s. “We should have a group hug. Come here, Jamie. Get in on this.”

“Nope, no, no thank you.”

“Yeah, think I’m all good, too, Raj,” Aiden laughs, shrugging himself free. “But appreciate the support.”

"Well, I've gotta hug someone," Raj groans. "C'mere, Noah."

Noah rolls his eyes, but lets Raj loop his arms around his shoulders.

"Alright, enough!" he laughs, as Raj gives him a hard squeeze.

When they all go back inside, I snag Noah's elbow, keep him with me for a second.

“Hey,” I say, more seriously. “I do appreciate your advice. It helped me a lot. Thank you.”

“Oh.” Noah looks taken aback, as if he wasn’t bragging about his sagely advice literally two minutes ago. “No problem.”

I let him go, then turn back to the garden. Today I’ll be pulling up the sparse weeds that populate it, checking to see if there’s any decent soil beneath the layer of loose dust. It’s cold outside, which makes my hands a little clumsy in my gloves, but the chill feels good against my face.

Safe in the knowledge that I’m loved back, I let out a long breath, let everything else clear from my mind.

I sink my fingers into the earth, and get to work.