I wiped my eyes as I looked at the word, friend, carved into the dust. I was overjoyed to have a friend, so much so that I just kept crying, unable to speak for a time. When I managed to pull myself together, I asked Noir, “Why do you want me to go in the wardrobe?”
The shadow man tapped a smoky finger against his chin, then, he retreated back into the wardrobe and found a moth-eaten, long coat for me to wear. He draped it over my shoulders.
I smiled, buttoning it. “Thank you. My body’s alright, but I’m not sure I feel comfortable going around in my Birthday suit.”
Abruptly, a brilliant, blinding light seeped under the doorway. I gasped, finally realizing the real reason why he wanted me to get into the wardrobe.
I quickly dashed toward it and shut it, praying the light creatures wouldn’t find me.
Noir had sunk onto the ground, becoming a two-dimensional shadow and seeping under the wardrobe door. After that, he stepped out of the ground, becoming a three-dimensional man again--his head brushing against a sparkly dress.
I sank to the floor, hugging my knees, praying the light creatures wouldn’t find me. Although, at this point, it would almost be a relief if they did.
The light sank into the small room outside of the wardrobe, bathing it in enough light to see by. I screwed my eyes shut again like the coward I was, unable to look my captors in the eyes.
Noir ripped all the clothes off the rack and covered me in them, and then sank back into the ground.
I heard the door creaking open. I wished they would just open it so the blood would stop pumping in my ears and my stomach would stop feeling so tight.
The door finished opening, and despite the fact that I was covered in clothes, the light shone through them and through my eyelids, burning my skin and my eyes--it took everything in me not to yell in pain.
One… two… three… I counted in my head, trying to keep my mind busy so it wouldn’t focus on the pain I was feeling.
Four… five… six…
I opened my eyes to see, through the fabric, a bright, white arm reaching down toward the pile of fabric covering me. I barely choked back a whimper.
Suddenly, a chime sounded.
The creature of light retracted its arm. I imagined it had snapped to attention at the bell chiming.
Slowly, the light was drained from the room as the chime rang over and over again. Eventually, we were left in complete darkness.
What felt like minutes passed, and I didn’t budge an inch for fear that doing so would get me caught.
However, a hand dug through the pile of clothes until I was revealed. I yelled, dashing to my feet and attempting to run, but a shadowy hand caught me by the shoulder. I spun around, realizing it was only Noir. I was panting, but now, I breathed deeply. “It’s just you…”
I rubbed my arms, trying to warm up, despite the fact that it was technically not very cold. Once my pulse had calmed down, I said, “Who are you? Where are we? Who… who am I? Why don’t I know?” I yelled, tears streaming down my pale cheeks.
Noir let me cry for a time, and then, he wrapped me in his smoky arms. I leaned into his chest, feeling so stressed that I wished I would cease to exist so I would no longer have to exist in such pain.
When I had calmed down somewhat--despite my red eyes and occasional sniffling--Noir knelt and traced more letters in the dust.
We are inside a Place of Decision. Noir wrote in the dust. If you escape, it is not your time. If you get caught, then it is your time.
I shook my head. “I don’t understand any of this! Who am I? Who are you? Tell me!”
Noir stood still for a time, letting me calm down, and then, he wrote more letters in the dust. You may choose who you are. As for me…
The shadow man paused. His smoky, eyeless face turned towards me. And despite the fact that he had no eyes, I had the distinct feeling he was gazing at me worshipfully, and it made me beet-red, causing me to turn away.
I am your Guardian. I love you with all my heart, and will fight to the death to get you out of this tower. Noir wrote.
I looked at him searchingly, my lips parted in confusion, my eyes wide in surprise. Eventually, I managed to say, “You love me…?”
Noir nodded without hesitation.
Even though I couldn’t remember who I was or where I came from, I still knew that someone telling me they loved me when they knew me so little should be taken as unsettling. However, when I looked upon Noir…
I knew that he wished me nothing but happiness. His actions spoke loudly; if he wanted me to die, he would have let me die. He had done everything in his power to protect me, and I found that I had great affection toward him for doing so. Within this tall, dark tower filled with hostile beings, he was my only friend.
I smiled, looking at my feet bashfully. “I like you, too… but you haven’t exactly answered my question. What do you mean when you say that I may choose who I am? And what do you mean when you say that you are my Guardian?”
Noir wrote, you may choose your name, you may choose your personality, you may choose what your soul is made of. I am your guardian because I watched you for so long, and I fell in love with everything that you are. I became your shadow because I refuse to be apart from you.
Butterflies fluttered in my stomach. I felt sick with love, but I somehow managed to remind myself that this man was a stranger, no matter how… handsome and charming I found him to be.
Handsome? I thought to myself. He is made of shadows! How could I find him handsome?
And then, I realized that it wasn’t necessarily his looks that I found attractive.
It was the fact that he loved me so thoroughly and without reservation. I brightened. “If I can choose my name, I think I like…” I thought deeply, trying to decide. I scratched my cheek. I decided to ask Noir, “What is it you love about me?”
You are simplicity and loveliness itself. Noir wrote.
My heart thumped at such a kind compliment. I wasn’t so sure I liked being called simple for a moment, but after that moment, I decided that I did. Simple didn’t always mean stupid or naive. Sometimes, it simply meant that you were open, consistent, and honest. And I liked the idea that I should be called such a thing, and I came up with a simple name to go with it. “I think I like… Kay. What do you think, Noir?”
Noir nodded in approval.
“When you said that if I escape, it is not my time, but if I don’t, it is my time, what do you mean? This is the only world I have ever known. Are you saying that I’m dead?” I questioned.
Noir shook his head.
You are between life and death right now. It’s up to you what you strive for. I know that I would love you to keep on living. You have so much to offer the world. Noir wrote in the dust. In a moment, he rose to his feet and touched a loving hand to my cheek, and I found myself leaning into it.
I closed my eyes. His touch felt familiar, soft, and dripped with compassion. My mind was awhirl with what I was learning.
This was truly a world between life and death? I thought that this desolate and lonely place was the only life I had. Had I had one before? If I escaped from this place, could I go to a place that was greener, livelier, and filled with loving people?
“Did I have a life before this one? What was it like?” I asked my shadowy friend.
Despite having no discernible eyes or facial features, he hung his head and I could tell he was reluctant to share information with me. He crouched and traced more letters with his elegant finger. You had a life. It was fraught with joy and sadness the same as everyone else’s. If you make it out of this place, you will return to a life where you will experience the same things you did while you were alive, but in different ways. In some ways, it will be more difficult than what you will experience in this tower. I implore you to escape, nonetheless, but ultimately, it’s up to you.
I looked down at my bare feet. Wondering how I could have lived a life harder than this one, and wondering whether I wanted to live that same kind of life again. I gave it some thought, and then I knew what the deciding factor would be.
“If I escape, will I meet new people?” I asked.
Noir nodded.
I smiled. “If I stay here and let the light creatures take me, will I meet new people?”
Noir stroked his chin and tapped his foot. Maybe. You might see more people in the tower, but I’m unsure whether you will see more if the light creatures take you before you can.
I nodded, and made up my mind. “Then I would like to escape.” I cleared my throat awkwardly. “You’ll… you’ll help me, right?”
Noir nodded eagerly, planting his hands on his hips confidently. He grabbed my hand, and began leading me out of the small room.
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