-“Alex, Alex. Can I come in? Mom told me what happened, don’t worry, she didn’t send me.”

I hear the voice of my brother behind the door of my bedroom. I don’t want to deal with anyone. Didn’t I make it clear?

-“Adam, don’t. I know Mom sent you, I don’t want to see anyone. Please.”

It’s difficult to keep calm, because I was about to shout and swear at him. If he doesn’t go away quickly that’s what’s going to happen.

-“Ok, ok. I was just worrying for you. You can tell me if something’s wrong. Do you think that I believed what Mom told me? Why do you really want to go? I know something’s wrong Alex.”

-“Just look at your own business, ok? I’m all right.”

-“I won’t go away until you’ve told me. I’m your brother, I just wanna help you.”

-“The only thing you can do is impossible. So leave.”

I never should have said this. How is he suppose to leave now? Oh fuck, seems like I’m becoming dumb as well as blind.

-“Impossible? Surely if you don’t tell me what it is.”

-“Adam…”

-“Yes. Tell me what you wanna me to do. Not why you wanna do it. Anyway I think I already know this last thing.”

This last sentence surprises me. But now I guess it won’t be that bad telling him.

-“You know? Well… I just need your help to find a way to go to Holland. I thought at when we’ll be at grandpa and grandma’s house, ‘cause it’s closer, even if we’re going in August.”

A few seconds later, we’re talking as if we had made a plan years ago, organizing it and everything. My brother doesn’t ask any questions, he just ‘enters’ the plan as if he was part of it for a long time.

-“Yeah, that seems the best way. You’ll need to go by train, taxis and planes are too expensive. I’ll invent something to Mom and Dad, to give you more time before they discover where you’re going. Do you think you have enough money?”

-“Yep, a train ticket is cheap. But I’ll need to stop at Paris, and I doubt some trains go to The Hague directly. Maybe another stop at Amsterdam. Adam, you can come in, you know.”

My brother enters, and we sit together on my bed, looking for information on the internet. ‘Train ticket Paris-The Hague, with a stop at Rotterdam’. 128Euros a one way ticket. I glance at Adam, who is nodding silently.

-“Yeah, that’s good. 3H15. Go tomorrow to the railway station, take your ticket to Paris, then Paris-the Hague. Check the date, we’ll see the best day.

So we’re going in August, from the 7th to the 21st. Not too early, no too late. See around the 15th.”

- “There’s one from Brittany at 10a.m. to Paris. And then… wait two seconds… one from Paris at 5h21p.m. It arrives at 21h05p.m. at the Hague. This means hotel or something. Otherwise, it sounds good. So, it costs 53+128 = 181euros. The one from Brittany takes 4h, so I’ll be at Paris around 2p.m. Then, I eat and everything, stay 3h, and take my train.”

Minute after minute, the plan is concretising itself.

- “That’s it. There’s only the hotel problem. You’re 13, they won’t receive you. You need to go to a youth hostel. They’re cheap, and won’t cause you any problem. Just say that you’re here to visit, your parents live in another city of Holland, they sent you there. So, 15th of August?”

- “Yeah, 15th of August. Thanks, you seem to be the older one.”

- “No, I’m only helping you. Just try not to show Mom and Dad anything, or they’ll suspect something.”

- “Ok. I won’t go downstairs for dinner. I’ll go tomorrow morning, and change subjects with them. We’ll look for a place to sleep another time, the most important for now is to have my train tickets. Thank you so much.”

- “You’re welcome. Hope nothing will go wrong.”

- “It has to go right. And it will go right.”

- “Yeah, I’m gonna eat, Mom and Dad are calling me. I’ll bring you a tray.”

- “Cool, thanks.”

As he goes out of the room, a new hope arises in my heart. This time, no mistakes aloud, I’m gonna beat once for all my past and create a new beginning. New hopes, new beginning, everything is new tonight.