Nick sat down on the couch next to Katie. She didn’t say anything to him. instead they just sat in front of the TV and watched a movie, though Nick had a hard time concentrating. He couldn’t stop thinking about Julian.

He sighed as he stood up. ‘’I think I’ll take a shower.’’ Nick said and Katie just nodded without looking away from the TV.

He walked into the hallway and a little smile tugged at the corner of his lips when he saw Julian’s little black notebook lying on the floor. ‘’I’ll see you later when you deliver this back to me’’ Nick laughed soundlessly as he picked it up. He shook his head as he walked back into the living room.

Katie looked at him with a cocked eyebrow. ‘’I thought you were going to take a shower,’’ she said.

‘’I was. But I have to go to Julian’s place first,’’ Nick shrugged.

‘’Why?’’

‘’He dropped this,’’ Nick said as he held the little notebook up for her to see. ‘’All his thoughts and ideas are here… he never leaves his house without it, so he’s going to want it back.’’

Katie smiled and nodded before turning her attention back to the TV.

Nick hurried to put on his shoes and then he left the mansion and walked down the dirt road towards the little house in the woods.

He didn’t even have a chance to knock on Julian’s door before it opened and Julian grabbed his shirt and pulled him inside, slamming the door behind him.

He pressed his lips against Nick’s, and Nick could feel the tension in the young man’s body. ‘’I can’t do this, Nick.’’ He whispered against his lips. Nick didn’t have to open his eyes and look at him, to know that Julian was crying. His breath was shaky against his lips, and his smaller body was shivering. Nick pulled away and looked questioning at him before removing a tear from Julian’s cheek. The young man shook his head and Nick pulled him into a hug as kissed the top of his head. ‘’what it is?’’ Nick asked as he kept kissing the top of his head. It took Julian a while to collect himself enough to talk.

He pulled away from Nick and shook his head fiercely. ‘’I just can’t do this!’’ He said as he ran his hands frustratingly through his hair. ‘’Nick… you’re married for fuck sake. We can’t do this!’’

‘’Hey,’’ Nick said as he took Julian’s hand and kissed it. ‘’Did I do something?’’

‘’No,’’ Julian said as he pulled his hand away. ‘’I’m the fucking idiot here!’’ he cried. Nick sighed as he reached out and removed a few more tears from Julian’s cheeks. Julian looked up at him, eyes shining with tears, and it broke Nick’s heart. He pulled him close once more, and Julian didn’t resist it. He pressed his head against Nick’s chest and clenched his fists in Nick’s shirt.

‘’You’re not an idiot,’’ Nick whispered into his hair.

‘’Yes, I am!’’ Julian sighed. ‘’I’m falling for you, Nick… I’m falling for you so hard that it hurts, okay? and I know it’ll never work out! You have your life, and I’m not a part of that. I’ll never be a part of it. All of this is wrong.’’

‘’Julian,’’ Nick said as he pulled away and looked him into the eyes. ‘’it’ll be okay. I don’t want to let you go… I can’t. We’ll figure it out.’’ He pulled Julian into another kiss and the young man melted into it without hesitation.

‘’I promised myself not to do this again. I promised myself not to fall in love with you.’’ Julian whispered. ‘’But I can’t stop it. I’m in love with you!’’

‘’Don’t you think I feel the same way?’’ Nick said frustratingly as he pulled away. ‘’Because I do, and it’s messed up, I know that… but I don’t want to lose this, so please don’t push me away.’’ Nick had fallen for Julian just as hard, and he didn’t want to let him go. If the thing between them grew stronger over the next couple of weeks, then he would be willing to leave everything behind and just spend his whole life with the young man in front of him. He couldn’t let this go. Not yet. Not while there was still a chance of him getting his happy ending.

‘’Nick, we only have a few weeks. Then you have your perfect life to go back to,’’ Julian mumbled, as he dried his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt.

‘’I know that, Julian! But I can’t let this go, so please just stop this!’’ He shook his head fiercely. ‘’We’ll figure it out, I promise.’’

‘’It’s not good enough,’’ Julian whispered.

‘’What it is you want then?’’ Nick asked annoyed with an exaggerated shrug. ‘’I can’t just leave everything behind for you… for this… I don’t even know what the fuck this is,’’ he said, gesturing between them.

‘’What this is?’’ Julian repeated angrily as he shook his head. ‘’this is apparently nothing!’’ Julian pushed Nick away and opened the front door. ‘’You know what? When you figure out what this is, then you can come and find me. If not, then just leave me alone.’’

Nick stared after him as the young man stormed out of the house.

Nick felt awkward as he stood there alone inside a house that wasn’t even his own. He didn’t know what to do with himself. He understood Julian’s anger. He knew that the young man’s life hadn’t been easy before and that he just needed someone who’d do anything for him, but Nick couldn’t do that yet. He wanted to, yes. But sacrificing everything for someone he barely knew would be stupid.

He walked out of the house and closed the door quietly behind him. He was about to go back home, but his legs had other plans. The buzzing in his head was back, and he couldn’t stop himself from walking away from his own house towards the lake. His common sense told him to turn around and walk back home… to leave Julian behind and continue with his own life, but his heart was pulling him in the other direction.

He couldn’t let this go, no matter how it would end. He had to know if it would be worth leaving his old life behind for. He had to know if he could one day be happy.

As he reached the lake, he saw Julian standing close to the water. His whole body was tensed as he threw rocks into the water. Nick had hurt him, he’d made the young man angry, and it made his stomach ache. Julian didn’t deserve to be treated this way, but he couldn’t expect Nick to make such big decisions after only a couple of days. They needed time to find out what they both wanted and to see if it would work out between them. They both needed to be patient, even if it was difficult. If Julian couldn’t accept it, then Nick knew it would be the end for them, but he hoped that Julian wanted to give it a chance… to see if this would be worth enough for both of them to say goodbye to their old lives and start a new one together. Julian had been hurt a lot in the past, and he wanted to be sure that his heart would get broken again, but it was a chance he had to take if he wanted to be with Nick. It wouldn’t be easy, and it might not end out the way they hoped… but they had to just try. To take chances together. If it didn’t work out between them, it wouldn’t be because Nick didn’t give it everything he had, because he would fight for it if necessary. Julian just had to give him time.

He took a step closer to Julian, but the young man was too caught up in his own thoughts to notice. Julian bend down and picked up a few more rocks before throwing them into the water, one at the time while cursing under his breath. Nick felt like he was intruding in on something that wasn’t meant for him to see, but he couldn’t turn back now. Julian had no idea that Nick was watching him. He probably thought that Nick had gone back home and that everything between them was over, but Nick had promised him that everything would be fine, and deep down inside he knew that it would. Maybe not right away, but someday.

He put his hands into his pockets, and a smile crossed his lips when he felt the little piece of paper there.

He took in a deep breath before clearing his throat. ‘’I’m sorry,’’ he said. Julian’s body tensed, but he didn’t turn around. Nick took a step closer to him. ‘’I’m sorry, Julian,’’ he repeated gently. He could hear Julian sigh, but the young man didn’t move, and Nick knew that it was too late. He nodded, even though Julian wasn’t able to see it, before turning around and walking away.