Jude had never thought he would meet that man again in his life. Months had passed, snow had melted and flowers had now bloomed. Time had changed the landscapes, but hadn’t helped him forget about that stranger. That stranger and his freaking pretty smile and beautiful eyes, and voice that had haunted Jude’s dreams more than once. That same stranger who had ruined a book, its pages now crinkled.
How crazy was it to have a crush on someone he had met only once and never would meet again? But that was how Jude was. A hopeless romantic, daydreaming about a potential future partner and all the things that he could do with them. A loving partner that would respect and love him just as much as he deserved it. Not like what he had known the past years.
But this crush would never be something more than a crush. He would never see him again, and no way in hell would that man fall in love with him. How could people do anyway? Jude had so little self-esteem, barely any love for himself, and didn’t think of himself as beautiful. Who could even love someone as fat as him? And what kind of people would get a crush on a stranger?
Little, his classmates had always made fun of him during PE. Because he couldn’t run as fast as them, would always end up with a red face, sweating and whizzing. In high school, the same classmates had taken every opportunities they could to insult him and make him feel ashamed of who he was. In the corridors. During lunch. In the library when Jude only wanted some minutes of peace and quiet. He was glad enough that things seemed to have changed once he started university. At least concerning his classmates. Lovers? Not so much. If he had had any, their relationship had never lasted more than a few weeks before they dumped him. For which reason? Because they were bored and had had their dose of fun with him.
How stupid he had been at that time to think that these boys were sincere with their feelings, their sweet words and any little attentions he had gotten from them. How stupid was he today to think someone would ever fall in love, truly in love with him. This wouldn’t happen, or at least not in this lifetime, and Jude had accepted that fact. He wasn’t in some romance book that would lure him with the promise of a happy love life.
But here he was with a crush that he didn’t want. With feelings for a man he didn’t know. With more hatred for himself than love for every little thing in the world. Here he was, standing in front of a familiar tattoo parlour with Terry, amazed by the decorations and a tad bit scared by the theme, unaware that Fate had more than one trick up her sleeve.
“You know, I wouldn’t have minded if you hadn’t come with me.” Terry said, an arm around his shoulders.
“And miss the occasion to see you cry because of a needle? Never!”
“Remind me who exactly is scared of them? Mr. I-don’t-want-to-get-my-ears-pierced?”
His face took some colours. “You got a point.” Jude then took his eyes off a skull to focus his attention on Terry. “Nipples. Really?”
“Hey you promised no judging!” He poked his cheek.
“I’m not, I’m not. Just curious. Why?”
“Why, you ask? Because it’s hot, and sensitive, and I love when my partners play with them.”
“I really didn’t need that detail.” Jude smiled more, and face more on fire than ever.
“Too late!” Terry grabbed his wrist and dragged him into the shop. The bell above them rang, and Terry stopped dead in his tracks, making Jude bump into him. “Oh fuck me, I forgot he works today.”
When Jude followed his gaze, he thought his heart was going to break free from his chest. There he was, that handsome stranger, standing behind the counter talking with a customer. His hair still had that deep green colour, reaching his collarbones, wavy with the left side of his head shaved. His smile still was as bright and warm as Jude remembered.
What was he supposed to do now? And how come did Terry know him? Did he even know him, or was Jude just making a whole new movie in his head again? Maybe that man was just a bad professional who did an awful job? Maybe Terry had had a bad experience with him and one of his numerous piercings? How could he tell? It was the first time Jude ever put his feet into that shop. Now, the only thing he hoped was for that man to not recognise him. It was better that way, for the both of them.
They sat on a couch-looking seat when Jude had expected Terry to drag him to the counter and talk to that man. But his friend just slumped on that couch and sulked, mumbling under his breath how this day couldn’t get any worse. How he was the most unlucky man in the entire universe to get an appointment the same day as he was working. And so on. For a moment, Jude wondered who was the most dramatical among his small circle of friends. The thought of a contest between Alice and Terry made him laugh, but Terry didn’t bat an eye.
After some time, a woman looking like in her thirties came out from a door behind the counter, and walked to them. She had short bright pink hair, thick glasses on her nose, and a number of piercings on her mouth Jude had never seen, or thought possible on a single person.
“Ready?” She said to Terry who was still frowning, arms crossed on his chest.
“‘Course! The quicker it’s done, the quicker I can leave!”
Jude rolled his eyes at the same time as the woman did, then mouthed ‘sorry’ to her. But she didn’t seem to mind, as if used to Terry’s tantrum, and only patted his blond head and dragged him with her leaving Jude alone with the man still deep in a conversation with a customer.
Great. What was he supposed to do now? Oh, Jude could maybe wait for him outside where he wouldn’t have to see that man, wouldn’t have to hear his laugh that made him sigh. He was hopeless, and hated it. This crush was deprived of any logic, would never evolve into something more because, well, he didn’t even know his name and today was just a coincidence. And again, who would be attracted to him? Jude felt lucky he still had his friends, because he could count on both hands the number of times people had told him no one would ever want something with a fat boy. It hurt, more to know that people’s mentality would never change on that topic.
Before he could dive into deeper negative thoughts, Jude put on his earphones and turned the volume up, hoping the music would shush his thoughts. There was nothing better than loud music in his ears to make him feel better, even though he might end up deaf in a couple of years if he kept on doing this. Another thing that would put a frown on his parents’ face.
How many times had they told him to do something about his health? How many times had they told him to maybe start working out, even though Jude was healthy? How many times had they told him that, as doctors, they were only worried about his health? But who exactly were they worried about? Him, or themselves? Because how come two doctors had a fat son? Each family dinner ended like that, them talking about his health. Them talking about his studies choice. Them telling him that it wasn’t too late to change his field and choose medicine like it should have always been. His family was full of doctors of any kind, he was the first one to break with their traditions.
And Jude’s choices would never be good to them.”
“Oh shut up please.” He said as he turned off the music.
“Everything’s okay?” A shadow blurred his vision, and when Jude raised his head, he wished to be far, far away from here. The man was standing in front of him, arms crossed on his waist, head tilted to the side, and eyes full of questions looking at him. Jude couldn’t take his eyes off him as he felt warmth spread on his face. The only thing that Jude hoped wouldn't happen, was happening right in front of him and instead of giving an answer or move, Jude remained still and quiet on that couch. “Hey,” he watched him closer, eyebrows furrowed, “did we met before?”
“W-what?”
“You look familiar,” he said then sat down beside Jude. If this had been some kind of cartoon, Jude would have turned into a shaking tomato with smoke leaving his ears. Maybe drawing that later would help him. “I just can’t put the finger on where I saw you.”
“You, you bumped into me,” he said, trying to stay calm and breathe normally. “It was during winter.”
“Oh! The book boy!” His eyes sparkled, happy to remember. “I am so sorry again, I really didn’t see you.”
“I didn’t get hurt, no worries. Just… never mind.”
“Just what? Did you break something when you fell? I can pay you back, take it as an apology.” Was he serious right now? Well, serious or not, Jude couldn’t accept. It was just a book. It was just paper. He couldn’t accept it from a stranger, didn’t want to bother him.
“It was my favourite book, but it’s okay, really!”
The man tilted his head back against the wall, closed his eyes and smiled. When he turned his gaze back on Jude, he said, “I see you’re emotionally attached to your belongings too. I understand.”
“It’s not totally destroyed, I can still read it!”
“Mh-hm. Oh, by the way, are you here for an appointment? Or do you need details about something?”
Jude couldn’t help but smiled at him. Despite how nervous he was, it was surprising to him how easy it was to speak with him. “No, I’m just waiting for a friend, Terry. Said he knows you.”
“Ohhh, little Terry came back for another piercing? Guess I was too focused with my previous customer’s demand to notice him.” He laughed. “Where is it this time?”
“I don’t know if I should tell you.”
“You can tell me anything about Terry, I’ll keep my mouth shut. Promise!” He winked at him. “So please…?”
“Jude.”
“Please Jude, tell me.” Jude didn’t know if he really could, if he was going to use this to tease Terry more or not, but there was one thing he was certain of; if that man wouldn’t stop looking at him with puppy eyes, then yes, Jude would tell him everything he wanted to know. And do anything he wanted.
“Nipples.” He just said before turning his gaze to the street and watch people walk by, his face burning him more than ever.
“Thank you!” As he clapped in his hands, he went back behind he counter, just at the same time as Terry came back. “Hello Terry,” he ruffled his hair, “did you cry? Do you need a tissue?”
Terry ignored him, flipped him off as he paid, then without a glance behind him and without even a proper good bye, he grabbed Jude by his wrist and dragged him outside. No need to be a genius to see that this encounter had pissed him. Would he hold a grudge against Jude because he had told him? Nah, not possible.
“Did he bother you?” Terry asked when they reached his house and quickly disappeared into the garage. When he came out, he was holding a basketball, and told him to follow him.
“No, no he didn’t.”
“I really hope you’re not lying, because he can be such a pain in the ass.” He said, dribbling the ball. “Talking from experience.”
“How do you know him?”
“Ah, that’s right. You’ve never met him before.” Should he tell Terry how wrong he was? No. Not now. “He’s my sister’s childhood friend, I’ve known him for years and he’s always teasing me.”
“In a mean way or, let me say, a brotherly way?” The noise Terry made gave him the answer he wanted to hear. “But, how come I’ve never seen him before? It’s not the first time I go with you.”
“He’s a guest, works in another town but Mary thought it would be fun to have her best buddy working with her for a few months. Hope it’s gonna be only a few weeks.”
“Do I hear jealousy in your words? Hm?” He said, the park they used to spend so many hours getting closer and closer now. “Is little Terry jealous his sister doesn’t play with him anymore?”
Terry stopped dead in his tracks, turned his head slowly and shouted, “Little Terry?!”
“Oops.” Jude stuck his tongue out to him. “Was this supposed to be something I shouldn’t have learnt?”
“Yes! Oh damn it, you’re gonna tell it to Alice.” The ball went through the basket. “Don’t deny it, I know you both too well.” And again. “I’ll kill him.”
“Hey, before you do that,” Jude caught the ball, threw it toward the basket, but missed it, “can I know his name?”
“Why?”
With how pissed Terry was right now, there was no need to tell him that he had already met that man before. He would only activate his overprotective side with him, for whatever reasons. “Well, since he’s your sister’s best friend, I suppose we’ll see him again? And I don’t want to call him ‘hey!’ or ‘you!’, you know?”
Terry looked at him from head to toe, frowning. If Jude wanted to be mean or tease him a little more, he would have told him to not think too hard or else he was going to fry his brain. But he knew better that right now, the best thing to do was to give time to his friend to calm down. “Armin.”
“Armin.” He repeated. The name sounded nice to his ears, felt good to say, and at that moment, Jude felt like he was sixteen again. Sixteen with a crush on someone for the first time.
Jude didn’t believe in love at first sight, what he was feeling couldn’t be love. Love hurt, love was painful and cruel. But when he talked to him, said that name and thought about him, it wasn’t pain he was feeling, but something so much more different. It wasn’t love, couldn’t be. But Jude was sure of one thing; they would meet again, and maybe this time if his shyness wouldn’t leave him paralysed and voiceless, maybe he could try to speak more with him. Become his friend, and who knows how things would evolve.
He would have to talk to Alice, she was the professional concerning these feelings.
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