Cheng P.O.V

I woke up suddenly, covered in a cold sweat. 

Turning to one side, I looked emotionless at the space where Chin Mae used to be. I was filled up with pain, but somehow I also didn't want to let go of it. I was afraid to heal too quickly, and for that, I felt guilty. I didn't even know when was the last time I checked which day it was because on the few hours per day that I was awake; I was constantly worrying about his safety, where he was or if he fed... and then I had to sleep again, as it seemed that my body was screaming for some rest.

"Agh, this needs to stop." I hissed, removing some sweat drops that slid down from my face with a shaky hand. I scratched my face and scalp and finally stood up from the bed. I felt irritated even to move, but I removed the damp clothes from me, ignoring the pain that came with it. I took a quick cold shower as hot and cold waves rocked my body, which created goosebumps that remembered me when Chin Mae was here and how I would get them every time I would touch him or get too close-

"Guess it's another bad day, eh?" I related to myself when I stepped out of the shower cabin and looked at myself in the mirror. Dark circles under my eyes even if all I did was sleep, pale skin with dry and cracked parts with some blood in it, uncut and messy hair... I wasn't my usual self, but it was the look of someone going through a breakup, so no judging. I was hurting, so I guessed it was normal for my body to show it... right?

I then walked back into the bedroom and hugged my body with a large black sweater and some sweatpants of the same colour. "It's snowing..." I sadly mumbled as I opened the window and let my eyes wander into the immense white cotton sky, ignoring how my breath had quickened. My phone's ringtone brought me back to reality, and I quickly picked it up, regretting it immediately as I realised who the caller was. 

"Cheng? I'm actually surprised you picked up." Her voice nauseated me instantly and I was about to hang up without even acknowledging her.

"Me too. Bye," I said dryly, already feeling a headache coming up. 

"Wait! Chin Mae told me what had happened-"

"What?!" I nervously scratched my face and grasped my long fringe in despair, "What did he say?!" I shouted fiercely, waiting apprehensively for her response delayed to come.

"Just that he move out of your apartment and that he'll be out of town for a few weeks," she explained frightened, I didn't think she has ever seen nor heard me in that state, but I couldn't help it. I was so anxious, desperate and disappointed that I couldn't contain it inside me anymore. I should've expected that Chin Mae didn't tell her about us and where he was going... 

Should I contact him just to make sure...? No, we were supposed to live as if nothing had happened... 

But what If he needed help, and I was only a call away? 

What if my breaking our unspoken promise of being apart would actually be helpful?

"Cheng, are you still there?"

But how could I face him if I didn't want to change and solve this matter differently? 

Was telling my family about him the right thing? 

To think about it, if Kurasa knew that my family had him, it would only be easier for him to do what he wanted. 

But what's stopping Kurasa from coming here and taking Chin Mae once and for all?

"Cheng, are you okay?"

 I had to call Hong Tao and ask for help. In the end, I couldn't do it alone; I knew it-

Hyperventilating, I sat on the floor with my back against the side of the bed. I looked outside the window and held my phone tightly in my hand, I felt like my whole body was breaking apart, "E-Emma-" I uttered, my voice cracking.

"Cheng, what's happening?!" I heard a loud noise in the background and keys giggling. "I'm coming right, but please, breathe slowly. Everything's okay, do you hear me?" Unable to speak, I nodded, even though she couldn't see me. It was just another break-up; I should have gotten used to it. I laid down on the floor and forced myself to breathe as instructed, just like I made Chin Mae do when he had-

"Cheng? Are you... crying?" she asked faintly as the phone was now far away from me. 

When did it fall?

I brushed a hand on my face and touched the wet traces that I didn't realise were even there. I dried them off the best I could but realised that I was actually sobbing and crying out loud. In vain were my attempts to regain control of my body, and soon the missing oxygen in my lungs made everything turn silent. The only thing I felt was my body freezing from head to toe and a high pitch noise that started ringing in my ears. I truly believed that my head was bout to explode until I finally decided to let it all go.

I let go of all the tightness of my muscles, the fogginess in my brain, the deafening sound in my ears, the suffocating sensation around my neck, the weakness, the heaviness placed on my chest... I pushed it all out of my system.

"Cheng?!" something shook my body violently, but my eyelids felt so heavy, just like my body. "Stay awake, please-"

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A persistent noise bugged me and resonated in my head like a woodpecker. Annoying, nerve-racking and distressing, it forced me to open my eyes, and I was surprised to be surrounded by white walls and simple furniture. I looked beside me and saw Hong Tao's head lying next to my thigh. He held my hand faintly in his that I soon withdrew and placed it on the side of my head that was hurting-

"You're awake!" I heard an excited feminine voice coming from the back of the room. I shot my gaze towards her, a bit startled. "I'll call the doctor."

"Wait, Emma-" I stopped her with a hoarse voice and she immediately came closer to the bed where I was lying down, slightly containing her confusion. "What happened? Why am I here?"

"I should be asking you what happened." she placed two fists on her hips and looked at me coldly. "Your front door was unlocked when I arrived, and I found you unconscious. I couldn't wake you up, so I had to call an ambulance. But Cheng, your place was covered in vomit, like everywhere... Are you really okay? "

"I don't even remember to- I didn't do anything, Emma," I assured her, unsure where all that was going be.

"Are you using drugs, Cheng?" she bluntly asked, coming closer. "Because it seemed that you had some unknown drug in your body, and they had to do a detox to clear it out of your system. You were also malnourished and dehydrated."

"I swear, I didn't do anything." I tried to convince her, but I felt too weak to argue or persuade someone. "What is he doing here?" I asked looking at Hong Tao, worried about what will be coming next.

"He was on your emergency contact. He's been awake since he was able to enter the room yesterday and didn't leave your side since then..." she smirked and patted my shoulder gently, "I'll be back." I laid my eyes on Hong Tao once again and surrendered at the temptation of touching his bleached silver hair and moved them to the side. I smiled at his sleepy face and the dark circles that were an unusual look on him, but before I could feel more guilty for making him worry, I heard some gentle coughs that brought me back. 

A tall young doctor and Emma looked at me with somewhat surprised expressions. "Well, Mr Liu, whatever you took... stop it. We're still unaware of what the substance is, but I don't think you will tell us, right?" the doctor asked but continued right away without even hearing me out. "You'll be discharged today if you feel like it." I nodded and laid my fists on my lap to contain my anger. I watched the doctor walk out of the room and tried to stand up, even if I felt like my whole body would break at any sudden movement.

"You feel like shit, eh?" Emma helped me to sit down. "He's waking up... I will leave you two alone. See you, Cheng." she added and left the room without turning back. Hong Tao got up slowly, and I observed how his eyes widened when he noticed I was awake.

"Cheng!" he mumbled and hovered over me to check if I was alright. He then embraced me gently, which made my heart quiver for a second.

"I'm okay." I quickly replied before he could even add something else. His grip tensed but softened right away.

 "I don't care what you did, but please don't hurt yourself like this." he touched my forehead with his and grasped my nape. I winced, surprised. Recently I didn't know how to behave around him; I couldn't understand who he really was anymore. After he lied to me for all this time, how could I, or better he, expect to trust him?

"I can leave, could you help me get dressed and take me home?" I hesitantly asked, forcing myself to stand up as he did what I asked.

"You'll be living with me from now on." he coldly explained as his mood changed from one extreme to another. Or maybe he was just really loyal to his job, as usual. "Do you think your family wouldn't get to know you were in the hospital?" he chuckled at my shocked expression. "Just so you know, I'll get the punishment for your behaviour but don't worry, I'm used to it," he added sarcastically.

"I'll talk to them; I can solve this without you getting involved-" I anxiously grasped his forearm that was adjusting the jumper around my shoulders. "Please, just hear me out."

"What do I even need to listen to, Cheng?" he hissed and tried to contain his temper by clenching his jaw. "I don't care about the punishment; I only care about you! And seeing you destroying yourself for an idiot... I'm not letting this slide," he moved away and collected my belongings quickly in what looked like a gym bag.

"I am the one who always tries to protect you, to help you and to support you in everything you do, and not because it's my job but also because it's an honour to be by your side," he grinned sorrowfully and looked at me right in the eyes. "But you promptly opt to ruin the shield I've patiently built for you. You always do because anyone is better than me, right? I'm never enough." he shrugged his shoulders and kept filling up the bag. I could see how he wanted the conversation to end. He didn't have enough sleep and maybe didn't even eat, but I couldn't avoid the question anymore, not even if I was afraid of the answer.

"You know about him?" I asked him, ignoring his last comment. I didn't have the energy to fight. But how could I ever have thought that he didn't? I was always followed by bodyguards even if I didn't realise it.

"Do I even have to answer?" he jeered as he closed the gym bag and let the strap hang around his shoulder. "I know everything about you. You are my obsession since I can even remember," he walked towards me, and I rested my heavy body against the bed, feeling oppressed. 

Wasn't I the one who thought had control over him? 

The one who was able to domesticate his obsessive needs? 

Was I wrong all this time?

"No need to freak out. You had me all along, but you needed a good shake to realise how much you need me in the end." Hong Tao held me closer to him and caressed the back of my head. His fingers brushed against my scalp. "I'm sorry for what you've been through; I should have intervened sooner."

"It's okay. It's only a break-up; it will pass soon..." I confessed surrendering to the internal pressure I felt. I was fighting with myself to not succumb to the need for closeness, but in the end, I laid my head faintly on his shoulder for support and warmth.

"I fell for him as soon as I saw him. I couldn't bring myself to step back even though I knew my family would be against it." I added as my throat tightened, "For one reason or another, we were destined to end. I'm sorry if you have to face the consequences; I truly am."

"I hate seeing you like this," Hong Tao gently embraced me and cradled me in his arms that, unfortunately, didn't quite feel like home, "I'm here, Cheng; you don't have to worry about anything now. Stop fighting who you are when you're with me." I sniffed and held onto him, breaking into a quiet cry. 

"I'm here," he repeated as he rubbed his hand on my back. "I'll never leave you. I'll make sure to solve this mess once and for all." perhaps I was deceived and vulnerable, but I ended up holding onto his smart blue jacket and confessed to him everything I'd been through. Form how the relationship between Chin Mae and I started, until his transformation and what Kurasa told me.

"That bastard knows my family... He was forcing me into telling them that he was coming to get them. If not, he would've stopped controlling Chin Mae's hunger, but I couldn't bring myself to tell mother. They would have hunted him down, hurt you and ordered me to go back home, locking me up somewhere they thought it was safe."

"Cheng, they know already..." he whispered in my ear and held me closer to him when my body tensed up and was about to move away.

"So I was right all along..." I mumbled and looked up at him; my eyes felt like they were about to fall off. "You were just playing dumb, then?" I asked more at myself than at him, feeling like the air couldn't reach my lungs fully.

"Cheng, I serve your family, I can't oppose to-" he tried to justify himself and grabbed the side of my face with both hands to hold me in place. "I'll try to help, but you need to do as I say. We can solve this, okay?" Hong Tao waited for me to recompose myself and removed the last trace of the infamous tear from my face. 

I nodded but felt a sense of worry and regret when I did it. Maybe it was too soon, but I ended up faintly hugging Hong Tao even if it didn't feel right. He smiled at me, and I watched him as he talked to the doctor and then led me to his luxurious black car parked in front of the entrance.

"Watch your head," he advised me as he opened the door and let me sit inside. I waited for him to take place beside me, but before I could say something, he stopped me with a hand gesture, looking in front of him. Hong Tao felt anxious, and I could sense it very well. He lovingly laid his hand on my thigh. "My men have collected your belongings from your old apartment." he smiled. "Let me take care of you... just like it was supposed to be from the beginning."

I lowered my head and looked at his hand still on my thigh and felt a bit repulsed. I presumed it was still too soon for me to move on and forget, and somehow the thought of it felt good. I wanted, I needed to feel guilty for having insisted on loving him and brought him into this; it was all my fault, and I had to suffer for as long as I could. I looked outside the window next to me, and I watched cars, buildings and people around the city. Everything that came from outside the car felt so cold and distant... Just like how I felt inside.

"Cheng?"

I couldn't seem to keep my eyes open any longer, and part of it was because my eyes were watery once again. I didn't want Hong Tao to see me vulnerable, so I laid my head back on the seat and sighed. So many questions were rushing through my brain, praying to be answered, but Hong Tao told me to trust him... And I wanted to do it. 

I just hoped it was worth it this time around.