I was getting nervous over how excited Mizuen was. Staff held with both hands, I got pushed into the middle of the training grounds.

The soldiers stared at me as one would to a lost child. I sighed again.

‘Breathe slowly, focus. Focus so you only hear yourself. Direct the focus…,’ or so he said.

‘Guide your intentions along the way, let them flow away from the tip of your fingers. Add power to them. Shout your might.’

Yeah, I don’t think I had any idea how to do that.

However, I did know one thing. And Daien’s words helped.

I took deep breaths, relaxing my body, focusing on the feeling of the gloves, the slight wind that brushed my cheeks, the weight of the staff in my hands. Grounding had always been helpful to me. To think of life and beyond gets you closer to its core.

What was magic supposed to look like? Feel like? Mizuen had said I could make a flame appear if I wanted. That it was one of the easiest exercises without athletic skills. A flame.

Fire. Yes, let’s light it up.

I moved my left arm forward as I was told. Nothing happened.

To ‘try again,’ he said. That it was okay, it would probably be days til’ it worked.

So again I tried.

To become one with the world, with the elements. To become one with the flow of energy. The many lives that wandered across the dimensions were one and the same, and so it was for this world, as well - an absolute truth. I held the right to exist here, too. A shiver down my spine made me picture the river of possibilities.

Focus on the earth below you, the sun above you. On the breeze around. The breeze… Slight, like the one that took me away from home.

The breeze.

A gust of wind pushed me back, voices of panic crashing while I watched the soldiers fall. The ruffling of leaves and dust disoriented me; the recoil of the hurricane was so intense that I didn’t even notice I was also on the floor. My hand burned, painful amounts of heat concentrated in the tips of my fingers, despite my whole body feeling incredibly cold. Stars danced around the midday sky as I felt palpitations in the back of my head.

I heard the clinking of armor and heavy footsteps, albeit muffled by the dirt near my head. The softness of a warm coat covered me while I tried to process what happened. A laugh, more steps, a hand holding mine.

I was so tired… So sleepy…

Out of nowhere, everything was so heavy…that I didn’t feel a thing.

I woke up in my room, back at the castle. It was nighttime already, but I wasn’t alone.

There they were, Arsamira and co., plus Kiochery; all of them sitting next to my bed, apparently playing some sort of card game. I sat up - Daien was the first to notice.

- “Von.” – She said, pointing at me. – “You okay?” – As little as she spoke, her English was getting better. The rest of them suddenly just- kind of jumped over me.

- “I… You are all too close, aren’t you?” – Shoo, go away. Moreover, having a 1.90 meter long furry next to you was highly unsettling after… just waking up…? – “Wait. What happened?” – I asked Mizuen. – “We were there and trying magic and- ”

- “You fainted. Remember what I told you? Magic is energy. Vitality shaped into other things. You could not make a little fire, but you made a big… Windy thing. Huh, I forgot the word. Eh- So…! We were worried- A bit more and you could have been in mortal danger!”

- “Is that so…? I guess… I’m glad my hands aren’t burnt...”

- “Yes! To start, how do you even get that much flowing? How do you! Even Daien wasn’t able to move that much! Also the soldiers-” – He actually kept talking, but he was so agitated I couldn’t understand a thing, and halfway thru his rant I noticed he was actually talking in Ilarin. Kiochery patted his back, and he took a pause. – “Ah… Well. You were amazing. Everyone was talking about it, even if you passed out, it was incredible. That reminds me! We… Never did a check-up on you. I forgot that. I apologize.”

- “…I’m fine tho. Don’t worry about it… I’m sorry I made you have to carry me back.”

- “Say that to Kiochery here. He is the one who rushed to see if you were okay.”

So I looked at him and bowed slightly. I think I felt the blood rush to my head.

- “T…Thank you.”

- “I’m glad you are safe.” – I understood! But then something else hit me in the gut! The soft, warm coat… His fur! His fur was so soft! And cozy! How on Earth was he so soft!? A 1.90 meter long walking fur coat!?

I wanted to hug him so bad.

- “And since he’s on stand-by, we’ve decided to assign him as your retainer!” – Said Arsamira. It took me a few seconds to understand with my broken Ilarin. – “I wouldn’t be able to relax if I didn’t know you had someone to take care of you! It feels like you might faint at any second. Tito Hae laughed so much after you passed out too, he was like ‘Oh, so it wasn’t all talk! The shrimp can do something if he tries!’”

- “Waiwaiwait. Yar talking too fast-” – I tried to say while laughing. – “But… Yeah. I guess I can do magic.”

It felt warm at first. I felt happy. Content. There was something I could do…

“… No… I can’t do magic.”

I whispered to myself. If this was a power fantasy, I would be in the spotlight. The sheer pressure of that idea made me feel sick; revolting, terrifying, a paralyzing fear crawling out from a past long gone. Scratch that option - if I had a normal disposition for this magic, it would be fine! But no! It had to go and be extra!

At least I won’t die without a fight while I’m here, looking at the bright side. But dare to stand on the frontlines, I would never. I’m still too much of a coward for this.

The tension grew; as always, I ruined the mood, and made them worry. But then, as if to break the silence, as if to lift the burden, Arsamira took my hand and smiled.

- “What’s wrong?” – It felt like he had waited so long to talk to me, that he was taking any chance he saw. I smiled back at him.

- “Nothing, I’m just… still a little weak. Thank you.”