“Come on Elliot, there was no one that cared about me when I would come home from school or would care when I came home bruised,” I said glancing at the door hoping that Mom couldn’t hear. “I don’t want to come off as pathetic-”

“Your not pathetic-”

“Then why didn’t they care about me?” I asked him.

Elliot sighed resting his head on my shoulder, “I can’t answer that.”

I looked up at the ceiling trying to contain my emotions and said, “I’m happy to have a step-mom like Lily and to have Ally… But Dad can be happier if I wasn’t around.”

“But he told you earlier that he wants you to go around more to see Ally,” Elliot retorts.

“I don’t think he meant it,” I mumbled.

“I’m still surprised that you're feeling like this… I thought you forgave your mom for leaving and dealt with your suicide attempt,” He said, lifting his head to look at me.

“It’s one thing to accept what happened but to have your mind always reminding you of those events and it’ll always be in the back of my mind,” I tell him, looking at his expression and seeing the concern in his eyes.

“How often do you think about all this?” He asks me.

“Not too often,” I mumbled, leaning my head on his shoulder noticing that he’s analyzing me now. “It’s not something you should be too concerned about.”

He was quiet and I wondered what he was thinking when he moved to lay down pulling me with him. “Are you sleeping well? Trouble eating? Been feeling feverish?”

I closed my eyes and shook my head leaning against him, “No, Doctor Thompson.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” I answered and opened my eyes, glancing over at him, knowing that he was just concerned by my choice of words. “Elliot, don’t tell my mom. I’ll tell Doctor Brown, but I don’t want my mom to be hurt by what I said. I do forgive her and she’s proven that she wanted to be back in my life… Honestly, I’m really grateful that she took me in and was able to adjust her life to take care of me even when I wasn’t well. I think I would have tried again if I had gone back to my dad’s house and I wouldn’t be here now if she didn’t have me live with her.”

I closed my eyes as he slowly one-by-one kissed my cheeks to forehead then kissed my lips, “I promise I won’t.” he whispered. “Just keep reminding yourself to not let these emotions block your senses of the world around you because Ally will need you as she gets older and you’ll be wanting to protect her. You’ll be a great big brother.”

I kept my eyes closed and I can feel his hands brushing over the top of my hair like he usually does. “I do want to protect her… I didn’t think I would care about a child before until I held her.”

“Does that mean you want to have your own child someday?” Elliot asked.

I looked over at him, confused. “No. I never once thought about having kids. Have you?”

He shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t mind having a small family when I’m older. I always liked kids.”

I thought about this and ran my fingers over his hands, “I can’t have kids.”

He smiled, holding my hand. “Obviously.”

I chuckled, “I wouldn’t think you would want to be a family man.”

“Why not? It sounds nice being home with a family and taking care of a child that calls me dad. Help raise them to be good people and be proud of their achievements.” He said thoughtfully and I can see in his eyes that he’s imagining it.

I lean close to him and kiss him, brushing my fingers over his jaw. “You would be a great dad.”

“You think?”

I nod and rest my head on his shoulder. “Yeah, I can see you want to teach them everything that you know, and if they’re sad, you would be sad. If they’re happy, you would be happy.”

Elliot held me as he kissed me back, “It’s how I want to be with you.”

He has me cuddling in his arms and I thought about what he said, “So I’m family to you now?”

Elliot looked at me with a serious expression, “Hasn’t that been obvious?”

I almost didn’t know how to respond, but I’m sure he already knew the answer and I there was no hesitation. “Yeah.” 

“Good. Because I think the feeling of having a family doesn’t always have to be blood, but with how you feel and it’s who you chose to be with.” He tells me in this soft tone like he wanted to sympathize with me. “As much as you are my boyfriend, I hope there is a deeper connection to that as well.”

I hid my face away from him by burying onto his jacket. “You’re saying cheesy words again.”

I can hear him laugh, “Am I wrong?”

I shook my head, “No.”

We stayed like this for a while until I was able to lay down beside him and we held each other that he gave up. He stayed over the night and would just leave early in the morning instead.