When I wake up I’m still on the floor. The sun had just started to rise. I rub my eyes. I need to take a shower and head to work. I grab the edge of the counter and pull myself up. Groaning as all my joints pop.
The instant coffee was still open on the counter. My memories flash in my head, My hand instinctively moves to my chest. I grab a cup and dump a spoonful. I grab the kettle which is now cold and pour it in.
I quickly chug the cold coffee and walk to the shower. I open the small window to get some light. I take my clothes off and hop in the shower. The cold water always helps wake me up more than my coffee.
I’m always quick. When I get out my hair drips. I wrap it up in a towel to dry. I take a deep breath. Slowly breathe.
I finished getting ready. I grabbed my emergency key, for the truck. It’s not like I really have to worry about locking my house, there's nothing worth stealing.
I shut the door behind me.
When I get in the truck I turn on the radio. Calming music plays. I crank up the volume as one of my favorite songs comes on.
I sing softly. I try to wish my worries away. When I sing I feel better. When the song finishes, I actually have a smile on my face.
I remember trips to the store in this truck. Gram and Gramps in the front. Gram would sing with me and look to gramps. He sat with a smile on his face, even though he would try and act annoyed. He actually loved it.
I would sit in the front, right in between the two of them. I would almost always fall asleep on the way back.
I didn’t need anyone because I had the two of them. Even when everyone else would make fun of me and exclude me. I still had them.
My smile fades. When I lost them I lost everything. Gramps is still alive, but after him… I don’t know what I’ll do.
I pull up to the cafe. I park the truck and move in. I get the usual dirty glares from my packmates. The amount of hate I receive from them is something I’ll never get used to.
There are times I try to pretend it doesn’t bother me. Deep down though I’ll always feel something. It’s part of the reason I’ve learned not to trust weres.
My shift passes quicker than expected. When I’m off I go to my truck. On my way out I grab a newspaper. I continue my search for a job that will replace the club.
I had found a pair of my gramps’ old reading glasses. I had been wearing them. I should be able to scrape enough cash to get a new pair soon.
I looked at my banking book. I should have just enough for the cheapest pair. I do still need to find one more job. Then I only have 3. I should be alright. I didn’t make much at the club. Mostly tips. Since they didn’t ask questions we got below minimum. It was alright though, because they didn’t ask the questions that should’ve been asked.
I lean my head back on the headrest. My mind can’t help but wander to both the men. One who hasn’t shown me his human form. One who has, but I had to push away.
I keep telling myself he’s different. He’s only shown me kindness, but there’s a piece of me that knows he deserves better.
I’m a runt who’s own parents didn’t want him. I’ve been a burden my whole life.
I close my eyes and slap myself awake. Now’s not the time to be thinking these thoughts. I need to find another job. For gramps.
I star a couple of jobs.
Deep breath.
I have to get at least one of these.
---
“Sorry. It just won’t work out.” I nod and smile.
“I understand completely thanks for your time.” I walk out and slam the door of the truck behind me. As soon as the door shuts I don’t hide my true feelings.
Four.
I went to four different places and they all rejected me. I bang my head on my steering wheel. Unbelievable. I don’t understand.
No. I do. The ridiculous fact that they were all wolf places that I didn’t know about. I got there and realized it too late.
Instead of just sending me home, they made me think I had a chance. Then sent me home.
It was dark and I wasted a whole day.
I bang my head against the wheel repeatedly. Finally I scream.
With that I feel so much better. I lift my head. I need to get to one of the jobs I do still have.
I drive. My window rolled down. Feeling the cool air blow on my skin. I rolled up my sleeves. There weren’t any more bruises on my arm. I can’t explain it, but I’m not going to question it.
When I pull into the parking lot I curse to myself.
An all too familiar fancy car parked right in the front. “What the hell?”
I hop out of the truck and walk inside. There he sits, laughing with Angie.
“Hey Andy!”
“Angie…” I look at the man.
“Why haven’t you introduced me to your friend Hunter?”She has a bright blush on her cheeks.
“Can I speak with you outside?” I paused. “Hunter.” Speaking his name for the first time.
I hadn’t heard it before now which is kind of weird but, it was better when I didn’t know his name. Now that I have a name to the face things can go downhill real quick.
He stands up. I move to the door and hold it open for him. Not making eye contact. Finally I walk past him and move to his car.
“Look. I understand you think you want me, but you don’t. You’re stuck in some-”He pushes me up against his car. This time I’m forced to make eye contact. Green eyes hard to look away from. He leans to my ear.
“This is the first time you’ve said my name. You keep saying I don’t understand. The truth is you don’t understand. I need you. It’s not a want, but a necessity. If hearing you say my name can drive me this crazy, then it’s not a simple issue.” His breath was hot on my ear. He pulled away and I looked into his eyes. I could feel a blush that spread over my cheeks and my ears.
I was speechless. I didn’t know what to say. My heart was beating wildly in my chest.
He licks his lips. With a smug look on his face. He leans in once again.
“You know you feel something too. Otherwise it wouldn’t have this much of an effect on you. Good to know all I have to do is whisper in your ear. I wonder what happens when I do more.” His tongue glides.I pull back and cover my ear.
“Shut up.” He smiles and starts to laugh. One thing I never noticed before was he had soft dimples in his cheeks. It was something I hadn’t noticed before.
“You’re such an ass.” I walk away from him. I walk right into the diner. I was super flustered. I grab my uniform and march into the bathroom, locking the door behind me.
I look into the mirror. My face was bright red, it crawled up to my ears which were also a bright red. I turn on the cool water. I splash my face. Desperate to cool myself down.
He’s not wrong which is more frustrating. It’s not like I want to feel like this. I don’t want any feelings towards him. It makes it harder.
I know it’s better for him not to be with me. He just needs to understand that. I change into my uniform. Tying my apron fastening the strings behind me.
When I walk in he sits in his place on the counter. When he notices me he winks. I try to stuff my feelings deep down, but I still feel the blush crawl on my face.
He talks with Angie. I move into the kitchen. I don’t want to be near him. Since we’re not busy, I’ll busy myself. I slip on gloves and start washing the pile of dishes. I see the door open.
“He’s sweet. You should give him a chance. He’s got money. He can give you a life.” I go back to washing the dishes.
“He’s from a different world. He’s just not used to someone telling him no. That’s all, he wants something I can’t give him.”
“C’mon. Why don’t you just give it a try?”
“I’ll go talk to him. Just give me a moment alone with him.”She nods. I take off my gloves.“I’m serious I don’t want you listening in.”
“Ok I swear! Now go.”
She quickly pushes me out the door. I take a deep breath. I lean against the bar right in front of him.
“Listen. I understand you think you need a relationship with me, and you’re right I do have feelings for you. Before you get excited though, I need you to actually listen to me. I think you should spend your time trying to find someone more suitable for you. I’m trying to end things now so it’s not harder for both of us in the future. You should leave.” You could see anger boiling within him.
“Why won’t you see, you are perfect for me? When will you see that?”
“I want you to leave me alone. I don’t want to develop feelings for you. I need you to understand it’s not going to happen. So just leave, now.”He clenches his jaw. I don’t make eye contact with him.
He stands, I expect him to march out in anger. Instead he grabs my chin and forces me to look into his eyes.
“I’m not going to let this go. We belong together. I don’t care how long it takes to convince you, I will convince you.”He was gentle. He carefully laces his lips on mine. He releases me and walks out. I’m left melting in a puddle.
“What was that?!?!” Angelica comes running out. My fingers move to my lips.
“My first kiss.” I mumble. The tingling, still there. It only takes a moment for reality to settle in. “That piece of shit!”
“What?”
“I tell him to go away, I don’t want anything to do with him and he has the audacity to kiss me! Asshole!”
“Wait so what happened? Explain it to me who is this man?”
“He’s some guy who recently showed up. He claims that he fell in love at first sight. He was around one of my- sick spells. Took care of me and expects me to trust him. Even though it’s his fault for causing my sick spell in the first place.” She sighs.
“I think you’re just not used to someone treating you right. You’re reading way too much into this. When it was just me and-... I thought that was how I should be treated, but you need to learn to let love in. After that terrible relationship I learned how to tell the real good ones from the bad. He is a real good one. Just think about giving him a chance.”
“How about this I will leave it up to fate. I’m not ready for a real relationship, but when I am and if he’s still around I’ll give him a chance.” She smiled, she seemed to finally be satisfied with my answer.
“I need a quick break is that alright?”
“I don’t know it seems crazy here. I don’t think I can manage.” She nudges me.
“I’ll be back in 15 minutes alright?” She shoos me off.
I move to the back. I look behind me and prop open the door. The nice part of being on the edge of town is being so close to the forest.
I sneak to the edge and pull out my cigs. Angie hates me smoking too, but with her it’s a little easier not to get caught. I light up.
The first puff is always the best. I inhale and breathe out. I should be relaxed but something causes me to drop my cigarette to the ground.
A low growl, and bright green eyes.
“You scared me.” I try to pick up my cigarette but he growls once again.
“Seriously what is it with everyone telling me not to smoke.Look” I flipped it over and snuffed it out. He gave a small nod of approval. I sit on the ground. He comes up beside me and lays his head in my lap.
“You’re so weird.” I stroke his head. “You have me for just a little bit today. So when are you going to show me who you are?”
He looked up at me with an annoyed look.
“Ok fine. I guess you can wait til you’re ready.” It was weird when I was with him and I would always feel at peace. I don’t know why but when I was with this wolf my fears and problems would drip away.
Even if it was just us being there together, just like this. My fingers run through his fur. He purred softly. I felt warmth in my chest. I sigh.
“I have to get back. I was only supposed to take a quick break, I think I’ve been out here longer than I said I would.” A soft whine.
“Well maybe if you shifted you would be able to spend more time with me. It’s not really easy to bring a full side wolf into a diner.”
He looked at me. “I know. You’ve made it clear you’re not ready, and that’s fine. It just means things will be slower.” I got to my feet. He licked my nose as if he understood. I chuckled and kissed the top of his head. I walk back to the diner. When I turn around I see him sitting and watching me.
I really want to meet this wolf.
He’s not ready quite yet though. I understand that. Hopefully he’ll be comfortable enough soon. I feel safe with him and I don’t know why.
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