In dedication to ‘The Ex From Hell’ by Alisa Gross

Guilt is not part of the present / It is part of the past

Guilt is not knowing right from wrong / It Is making mistakes and regretting them

Guilt is not lashing out / It is the voice in the back of your mind saying “Don’t do it”

Guilt is not feeling loved / It is feeling unloved like the puppy that became too much

Guilt is not knowing you are enough / It is the need to think “If only…”

Guilt is not hearing “I love you so much” / It Is hearing “Why are you so useless!?” before seeing blackness that envelops you

Guilt is not being wrapped in the arms of your loved one / It Is hiding in the bathroom wishing you never met him

Guilt is not relaxing in front of the fireplace / It Is laying on the cold, hard floor

Guilt is not showing off your body / It is covering up the black and blue with layers

Guilt is not ‘Do you feel like a man when you push her around?; Face down in the dirt, she said "This doesn't hurt!"’ / It is him pulling you up out of the dirt after accidentally hurting you

Guilt is not knowing you’re going to be with your family / It is writing the note while hot tears flow down your cheeks

Guilt is not having clean arms / It is letting your arms shimmer with crimson

Guilt is not taking the pills as prescribed / It is downing the whole bottle like a shot of whiskey

Guilt is not going to bed knowing you’re going to wake up in the morning / It is closing your eyes for the last time

Guilt is not your mom’s hug leaving warmth to fill your body / It Is watching from afar as she holds your lifeless body close to her while sobbing wanting her baby back

The song lyrics ‘Do you feel like a man when you push her around?; Face down in the dirt, she said "This doesn't hurt!"’ come from the song Face Down by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. All rights belong to them.