The coward fell in love at the end of the cherry blossom season. Silently yearning, she decided to take her feelings down to her grave.
The school ground had several well-maintained cherry blossom trees, and cherry blossom seasons were always spectacular at the school. Students loved to pose in front of trees, taking photos as if they were cherry blossom viewing. Some students would even trouble themselves by bringing picnic mat and organizing a small picnic at lunchtime.
Ichika and Chiharu, though, preferred to spend their lunchtime at the rooftop.
Days where the cherry blossoms bloomed were days with nice breeze and pleasant weather. Being on the rooftop benefitted them as the rooftop was always empty—well, it was actually off-limit. From there, they could hear the kids playing and chatting on the school ground, and they could see cherry blossoms clearly—all the while having no one to disturb them.
That day—it was no different. At lunchtime, Chiharu headed straight to the rooftop, taking each step on the stairs leisurely. Usually, Ichika would have been on the rooftop already—and that day was no different.
Chiharu was holding her pack of bento on her left hand, while her right hand twisted the doorknob. As she pulled the door open, afternoon breeze that could only be experienced from the high ground hit her face comfortably. She squinted her eyes reflexively, putting her hand above her face in a salute motion as to block the blazing sunbeam.
There she was—her senior. Ichika stood against the wire fence by herself, her fingers clasping the wires inbetween. Spring breeze blew across her uniform and long hair that had grew longer since the first time they met. Chiharu wondered if she ever cut her hair.
The senior seemed to have yet to realize Chiharu’s appearance. Her head bent down, she was fixated on the sight of students below her, playing around on lunchtime and enjoying the season of youth. From the back, Chiharu wondered what expression her senior was wearing, and what was her train of thoughts. In her mind, Ichika’s various expressions played like an old movie record—from her happy smile she loved to wear, to the tears she shed once.
She realized how little she knew of Ichika—and that she desired to learn more of hers every nook and cranny. How her smile formed, how her tears streamed down her face, how her laugh sounded, how her forehead scrunched, how her hands crossed, how her back slouched when she sat down—Chiharu wished to learn all of it.
Right away, her heart thumped. She clenched her chest, bewildered. Such a strange feeling, she thought. It was new to her—she wasn’t sure what it was.
But, when the senior noticed her presence and turned around, Ichika’s mouth turned into a dazzling smile—so wide her eyes squinted. “Chiharu!” she sang, with a voice embodying an angel’s call. Her hair flowed with elegance when she turned around, falling into picture of God’s craft.
The moment their eyes met, Chiharu’s heart pounded as though a musical of multiple drums. And at that particular moment, everything went clear.
She had, in fact, fallen in love with her.
--
Before any word could slip out of the young teacher’s mouth, the unconscious woman scooted in her sleep. The sudden movement pulled Chiharu back to reality—and she felt foolish. How could she be tempted to confess? She had no right—she was given an opportunity, once, and she missed the bus. Who was she to wish for another chance?
Besides, what would she do if Ichika already had a partner? That would only bother her, right? It would only make things awkward—and, she only got the chance to reunite with her.
As though answering the unvoiced question, Ichika tossed and turned in her sleep, grunting. Her hands swung forward, as though showing off her vacant fingers. Accepting it as a sign, Chiharu decided that it was alright to think Ichika didn’t have anyone special in her life.
The young teacher couldn’t help wondering, when could be the last time Ichika dated anyone? Chiharu knew Ichika had dated once throughout high school, but—it couldn’t be the only experience she had, right? The couple didn’t last long, after all.
--
The second-year Chiharu was surprised to find Ichika—who hadn’t been able to come to the rooftop—propping herself down next to her.
The third-year, on the other hand, didn’t give out anything in her mask of a nonchalant smile. She gave a curt nod, averting her gaze to the bento right away. She struggled with her bento’s knot that was tied too hard, all the while Chiharu sat there with dumbfounded expression plastered over her face.
Only after she untied the knot was Ichika seemed to notice Chiharu’s funny expression. She giggled, glancing at her all the while starting to devour her lunch. “What?” she raised her eyebrows.
“Why are you here?”
Wrapping her hands around her body defensively, Ichika pouted in a teasing manner. “I’m not allowed to be here?”
“No, I mean—” Chiharu shook her head, trying to make out a question. “What about... your boyfriend?”
“Issei?” Ichika pursed her lips, directing her eyes upward. “We broke up.”
Couldn’t believe what she had heard, Chiharu blinked in confusion, bending her head to the side. “What?”
“We broke up,” the senior repeated, matter-of-factly.
Chiharu’s mouth gaped open in shock, though couldn’t form a single word. Ichika didn’t bother to elaborate anything, as she continued to peacefully enjoy her bento as though nothing had been said. Shaking her head, she blinked as she processed her senior’s words. “Why?”
The third-year didn’t seem to enjoy talking about the ex-boyfriend she had only been dating for two months. When Chiharu learned another senior had confessed to Ichika and they started to date, Chiharu felt helpless. She knew she had no chance from the start—but to think the love of her life had been stolen right before her. But now—Ichika had come back to her.
The senior shrugged. “He’s kind of overbearing, asking to be by my side all the time,” she stated. “Besides,” she flickered her attention to the younger girl, pursing her lips mischievously. “You’re the only one important to me.”
--
Now that she recalled, the couple broke up because of her, for some reason. It wasn’t that she came between them, no, Chiharu couldn’t be that evil. Ichika just prioritized her more than anyone else; more than her own boyfriend.
Perhaps, this was the second chance fate had given her—and that she shouldn’t waste it the way she did the first time.
If she confessed now, what would happen?
Gathering all the courage scattered in her, Chiharu glanced at the sleeping woman. She opened her mouth softly, leaning a little closer as she was about to whisper.
“I love you.”
—She finally did it. She garnered all the courage life could ever bestow her with, and she used them all to whisper a barely audible confession.
Yet, as though able to hear the long overdue confession, the love interest scooted in her sleep.
Chiharu was surprised—and again, being pulled back to the harsh reality she lived through. And she realized—that she had taken her for granted.
Ichika had no ulterior motive. She was just a friendly person, forcefully introducing herself to her junior of one year. She was just being kind, and she only wanted to catch up with the things they missed after her graduation.
Yet, Chiharu—she arbitrarily assumed that it was her chance to confess; to redo the past regret that gnawed her. She took the chance for granted, and that she would be the one to ruin their relationship once again.
The coward should have kept it all to herself, taking the words of dirty confession as she was lowered to the soil at her own funeral.
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