My chest felt heavy, as if something was pushing down on it. My throat was thick, making it almost impossible to swallow the bile that had formed. Worst of all, my eyes were stinging and fat ugly tears were making their way down my cheeks. I'd already stalked through the hall and towards the stairs when mom caught up to me. Her familiar was there first, landing on my nose and forcing me to halt if only to avoid walking into something.

"Zephyra, wait."

I did. I didn't turn around. I didn't want her to see me like this. Instead I stared at the ground. Everything in me tried to control my emotions. I shouldn't be crying. This was my Night of Summoning. I should be enjoying the food and speculate loudly about what I would Summon, maybe boast about it too.

I could hear dad’s voice rumble in the living room. The fact that I could hear it, spoke volumes of how angry he was. He never raised his voice otherwise.

I took a new shaking breath, at which mom took a hold of my shoulders. She turned me around and held me close. I didn't want her to do that. If she did, I would start crying. I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to break down. I didn't want to show that they'd won. I didn't want to be weak. Yet, within her embrace I felt the safety to do so. She didn't judge me for walking out, nor for crying. I took a hold of her and pressed my face into her chest. She held me and hushed soothingly in an attempt to calm me down. It took me a while, but in the end all my pent up frustration, anger and hurt had been released.

"I think it is getting late. Maybe it would be a good idea for you to head to bed early."

I nodded numbly. I didn't want to return to the living room anyway. And I was certain she sensed a fight coming up if she'd tried to force me. Instead she gently let go of me and walked with me to the first floor. She stayed with me while I changed into my pyjamas and walked with me to the attic, where my room was. It was a mess, like usual, but this time she didn't mention it. She moved some of my books aside, gathered several of my clothes and placed them on a chest and took me to bed.

"Don't let them get to you," she said. "They're old fools who don't know any better. Your father and I know you've got the potential for great things."

With that she formed a small crescent with her thumb on my forehead before kissing me there. As she left, Honey remained a little longer before fluttering after her. Which left me in my room all alone. A door was slammed down below, with a little more strength than necessary. I alone had managed to spoil the Night of Summoning. I crawled out of my bed and walked to my window. Outside I could see my family leaving. A drop hit the glass. More quickly followed suit and a small smile formed on my lips as I saw them sprint away when a heavy downpour started. It made my evening a little better.

I moved some stuff off my windowsill, took my pillow from my bed and went to sit where I'd made some room, placing my back against the window. The damp cold was seeping through it, bringing in a chill. A lamppost close to my window illuminated my room in a faint silver light. With some regret did I look at the clothing that should be in my chest, the books that were unfinished and spread across the room and the small knickknacks I'd found during my summer break. The small table my parents had once placed to function as a makeshift vanity cabinet, was littered with papers, inkwells and pens, most of which I'd burrowed from my brother. Perhaps I should have cleaned my room. It wasn’t as if I didn’t have the time to do so.

The tapping of the rain against my window and the roof soothed me. There was something oddly comforting in the way the raindrops harrowed the house. I closed my eyes and lulled my head against the window, feeling the stress wash away with the rain. The only thing I missed was my stuffed animal. With him here I’d probably fall asleep in the windowsill. Perhaps a childish thing of me, but even though I was almost fifteen, Mousey still comforted me in times like these. But he wasn’t here. Mom was cleaning him in preparation of tomorrow. For to gain a familiar, you had to lose something precious. I shook my head. I didn’t want to think about tomorrow. I just didn’t want to think. I placed my chin on my knees and stayed like that for a while, hearing how my parents and brother made their way up the stairs and to their rooms. I could hear them speak, though the words were muffled by my floor. I imagined it was probably about how this Night had ended. My father reprimanding my brother for raising my expectations too much and my mother telling my father that there was nothing wrong with dreaming. It could be about other things, but this conversation had been a frequent happening since my summer vacation had started. So it wouldn't be weird if it happened now as well.

I turned my back to the wall, positioning myself in a way that I could look out the window and still be on the windowsill. Behind that curtain of rain and past the temple, the school stood there. Tomorrow the first day of school would begin and my final year. The day would end with the Summoning Ritual, where everyone of my year would finally get to Summon their familiar. And with that familiar, I would be able to enter the world.

I balled my fists. I'd already decided I would go and do something great. I didn't know what. I knew the Guild was something I'd never get into. We had no money. Max had to do nearly worthless jobs for three years straight to be able to pay the first semester's tuition, despite my parents' aid. So I'd just have to convince someone else to take me in. I knew a few merchants who liked me. I'd already resolved to persuade them to take me in as an apprentice, despite my familiar. If I had to, I would be the first merchant with a bug familiar. But I refused to be like my family, working the lowest jobs. My parents said they were happy, but living in poverty and coming home tired every day of your life couldn't be as great as they were making it out to be. I'd be different. I was different. I had to be.

"Hey."

I looked up, realising I'd been staring intently at my window and hadn't noticed the faint light entering with my brother. A small orb of light glowed above the fish bowl of Remus, casting another round of silver light in my room. He was dressed in his pyjamas, which were a tad too short and missing several buttons. He looked at me, his silver blue eyes looking at me in discomfort.

"Hey," I replied.

"It's really raining, isn't it?"

I hummed in agreement, staring back through the window. A silence fell between us. One I didn't feel like filling. I was happy enough to be left alone tonight.

"I'm sorry," he blurted out. "I just... You were looking so...."

I looked again at him. He stood there, now staring at the ground and frowning deeply. His left hand was clenching and the other shook slightly, as the water in Remus' bowl splashed a little. My brother, the genius, had one fatal flaw. His people skills were awful. Which was probably something that happened when you were always in your books. He finally looked up.

"They shouldn't have laughed. There's nothing wrong with wanting more. They laughed when I told them I would go to the Guild, remember?"

"Isn't Clara coming with you?" I said, reminding him of our cousin.

He bristled. "You know that's only because I'm going. If I hadn't tried, she would never have thought of it. And I'm going for the Fox track. She got into the Crow track with a lot of luck."

I smiled. I didn't know why he came here exactly, but his annoyance was actually cheering me up. A small smile began to play on his lips as well. He ran his hand through his blonde, shaggy hair and chuckled awkwardly. He finally realized he was blabbering.

"What I came to say was. Don't worry. Mom and dad are right. You'll do great. I bet even better than me."

"Ha," I said before a yawn started to escape me.

He walked up to me. "Come on, let's get you to bed. You wouldn't want to be yawning at your Ritual."

He waited for me to make a move. The moment I nodded, he placed his hand on my shoulder and slowly helped me back into bed. He pulled the sheets over me, moving a few of my dark strands of hair out of the way. For a moment his hand hovered over my bed and I could see his eyes searching.

“Mom washed him,” I said.

His eyes focussed on me. Maybe I’d assumed wrong and hadn’t he been looking for Mousey. A pang of pain shot through me. I doubted if I’d even be able to sleep with him at all after tomorrow. I swallowed. Max’ eyes softened and nodded, petting my hair again. His hand lingered a tad longer, as if he wanted to say something about it.

"Night Zeph. I'll be there tomorrow at your Ritual."

"Night Max," I said.

He slowly walked out, trying to keep as many wooden boards from creaking as possible. The light began to dim and just before he fully closed my door, I whispered "Thanks, Max."

The door remained open a tad longer, yet there came no reply. Once it closed fully, my room returned to the same faint silvery light it had before. The downpour was still ongoing. Now in bed and alone again, I realized how tired I really was. My arms didn’t know where to go, now that I was lacking my usual stuffed animal. However, sleep seemed more powerful as it finally forced me into an awkward sleeping position. My eyes closed slowly. I drifted off to sleep, with nothing but my hopes and worries for the morrow.