I retraced my steps in my head, struggling desperately to remember where I was. Through the kitchen door, down the cobble steps, across the pond, past the stables, around the hedges, and...here? No, no this couldn't be right, there was never forest beyond this hedgerow. And by the way, what time was it? Tea time was only an hour in the past, so then why was it twilight? I needed to make my way back to the manor, I would be disciplined if the lord and lady found me in contempt of my duties.

I picked up my cap from the ground, though in truth I didn't think it had fallen. The obvious path seemed to be a beaten dirt road lined with mushrooms. I didn't think it was the right season for glowing mushrooms, but then again I had never seen glowing mushrooms before. Nor had I seen the world in this hue before. Despite the sun being nowhere in sight it appeared as though the placid dark would soon burst into life. But as I stared the stars never faded, they shone like pinpricks into the heavens. Pinpricks...pinpricks! Pins, sewing, cloth, cloth! I was on my way to retrieve the Lady's gown!

How was I waylaid so grievously? Still after all these years of service I was still sharp as a tack. In fact I'd...I shook my head to break that nonsensical thought from its circuitous path. Every time I shook off the fog from my senses it settled back in like dream laced perfume. Well this wouldn't get me anywhere, except my eyes refocused for a moment and I found myself in a new location.

As I looked about the yet more unfamiliar surroundings I spotted another confused traveler. I approached them and explained my predicament and received nothing but gibberish in return. Who did this pompous fool think he was talking over me and mocking my very movements? Ah...a light breeze of lucidity dispelled my stupor and I saw I was conversing with a babbling brook with my reflection. Oddly it flowed from up to down and stood like a mirror before me. The turbulent waters crashing into the untouchable placid lily-spotted pond.

My bewilderment seemed to be of amusement for some spritely children because laughter filled my ears. It was jubilant and mischievous as it echoed through the strangely spaced starlit oaks. Their giggles and jaunts bounced about the wind as if born on wings. Startled, I turned to head out of this place, but my foot caught on the prone form of my cap. This time I tumbled towards the mirror sheen surface of the pond. I braced myself for the brisk embrace of submersion. My face hit first, the water was not what I expected, it was warm where it should have been cool. And it reeked of manure, my hands flailed to escape the sludgy depths and found purchase on a gods blessed plank of wood.

I pulled myself up frantically and took a grateful gasp of air as my head surfaced. I spit out the foul taste in my mouth only to have it filled with the same noxious odor. I wiped my eyes of grime and stood staring with a beast. No not a beast, a cow, Berna to be precise. And likely Berna eyed me with such suspicion as I had just emerged from their watering hole. My eyes darted to the distant manor and I removed myself from the pit.

I shuffled past their curious ranks and towards the hilltop, water and muck squelching from my boots with each step. Surely I'll be reprimanded, late AND smelling of cow was a recipe for expungement. 

"That's the last time I take the garden path" I muttered, pulling off my boots to drain them at the kitchen door.