Milou's first bleeding episode was a warning to slow down and free himself from any stressors. His obstetrician told him that, if everything goes well from there, he would be able to give birth without the need for blood transfusion.
But every mother's pregnancy is unique and every case of placenta previa is different. Oftentimes an Omega has a bleeding episode, as Milou did. Weeks went by when he thought the problem was resolved, but then the second bleeding interval occurred.
Milou was 7 months along when it happened, and it was more severe than the first. Once again, he was brought to the hospital for IV infusions and blood transfusion. The obstetrician had kept in close contact with him, even after he was sent home for complete bed rest.
The third bleed followed when Milou neared his term. It was the heaviest and the threat of losing the baby prompted Wren to bring him once again to emergency care.
There were only two weeks left before Milou's due date and the doctor initially suggested he had to deliver immediately by C-section during his bleeding episode. However, five hours later, the bleeding had stopped spontaneously. The doctor wanted Milou to give birth as close as possible to full-term. With the baby showing no signs of distress, they decided to let Milou stay in the hospital for the rest of his term and scheduled the C-section a few days before the due date.
It wasn't until Saliou saw his twin brother in his current weakened state, that he decided to set aside his anger and stay together. Despite the many terrible misunderstandings, despite all the resentment and the heartaches, Saliou chose to stay by Milou's side.
On one occasion, Milou was left alone in the hospital room with Saliou. It was a weekend, and Wren had gone out of town to find a bigger and better place to live in, once the baby is born. Saliou took this as an opportunity to spend some time alone with his brother, and with peace of mind knowing he wouldn't cross paths with Wren. Milou also welcomed this rare moment of silence when they weren't at each other's throats.
Yet somehow, Saliou could sense the presence of something else – something within his brother.
Milou slowly propped himself up on the pillows so he could sit up, then turned to Saliou who sat in the chair closest to his bed. He gave the other a soul-searching stare, one that was tinged with melancholy Saliou could not quite understand.
Milou rested a hand on his rounded belly. "She's moving a lot today."
"Is she?" Saliou smiled as he moved closer to Milou and leaned his ear to the other's swelling belly.
The second he did, the baby started bouncing around. Saliou gasped in surprise, then chuckled softly. He loved feeling the baby kick and squirm around in Milou's belly. It felt so alien to him, kind of creepy but incredible at the same time.
"You have a name picked out for my niece yet?" Saliou asked, rubbing Milou's belly before straightening up in his seat.
"Well... I want 'Florence', but Wren wants something like 'Dahlia', so I guess it's just 'Baby' for now," Milou replied, then pouted. "I really don't want to name her Dahlia, though."
Saliou rolled his eyes and chortled. "Okay, weirdo. But you guys only have a couple of weeks left to decide. You should at least agree on one thing." He paused a moment, then said, "How about combining both? Florence Dahlia? Dahlia Florence? Both have a nice ring to them, don't they?"
Milou's eyes softened as his lips turned up in a smile. "Hmm... Sounds like a good idea."
Saliou stared at his brother, watching his tired and somewhat glum expression. There were dark circles under those light-brown, doe eyes of his. The freckles he used to count time and time again stood out sharper than they usually did. And if he wasn't mistaken, Milou looked skinnier, as if most of his weight went to his belly.
He leaned his elbow on the edge of the bed and rested his chin in his hand. "Something's been bothering you. What's wrong?"
Instead of answering, Milou shook his head and averted his gaze, refusing to look at his brother any longer.
Saliou didn't want to see him upset. He drew in a deep, calming breath and placed his hands on top of Milou's, before saying, "You know you can tell me anything and it will always remain between us. I want to know what's upsetting you."
He watched Milou as he drew in his own breath and swallowed deeply. "Everyone... Everyone but you and Wren advised me to have it terminated." He looked down and gently rubbed his belly. "Yet I insisted to keep it despite the risks. But... as expected, my body's not fit to carry a child. I became a burden to everyone..."
Saliou heard the tremor in Milou's voice. There was a world of hurt on the other's face. His chest tightened as he witnessed his brother's frustrations unravel before him.
"What are you talking about? You're perfectly fine now. The baby's fine, too," he remarked softly as he pressed Milou's hand comfortingly. "Just a few more days and you'll finally get to see each other. What's there to worry about?"
"I know, but... I still feel horrible." Milou bit his lips in an effort not to cry. And then, he looked up at Saliou, trying his best to stem the tears that threatened to rise. "I feel horrible because not too long ago, the only reason I chose to keep this baby was because she's my only connection to Wren. And –" His voice choked, struggling to keep himself from crying. "And if I lose her, then Wren... Wren will surely leave me... And I'm scared. I'm so scared..."
Saliou dropped his head, shaking it slightly from side to side. For a moment he didn't know what to say. He'd been so caught up in his own misery, so wrapped up in his own pain, that he blocked Milou out and hadn't allowed himself to understand what the other was going through.
Milou placed a hand on the nape of his neck, finally allowing himself to cry out all the frustrations that had been building up over the past months. "Even until now, Wren refuses to mark me. He hasn't so much as touched me. Don't get me wrong, he's been so kind to me. But..." He broke off with a choking sob. "... I could only hope so much."
For Saliou, it was hard to see a loved one sad and hurt. The pain was far greater than his own.
He tried to console Milou, patting his shoulder. "Hey, don't cry... It's bad for you and the baby..."
Yet Milou was still sobbing until his eyes had gone red. Saliou felt really bad and sorry for him. The situation was weighing on him too much, it's as though he too, was going through the same pain Milou was experiencing.
"I didn't want to be the second best. I wanted to be the only one," Milou said between choking sobs. "But I'm not stupid. I knew from the very beginning. I just refused to see it..." He looked at Saliou, a pained expression in his eyes. "I know Wren loves you. He still does. Always will." The pain in his heart overpowered him, and he dropped his head on his brother's shoulder. "But that's precisely why I hate myself, Sal... I hate myself for taking him away from you. I hate myself for hurting you... Because my jealousy and insecurities got the better of me..." He pulled Saliou into a hug. "And I'm sorry. From the bottom of my heart, I'm so sorry..."
Saliou looked at him with the moisture welling up in his own eyes, too. He hugged his brother back, so tight.
He didn't complain. And Milou cried even more. For all the pain he'd caused. All that he had taken from the other. Realizing the unfairness of it. The guilt. For daring to hope for a happy future with someone he knew would never love him back.
"I know I'm the person you hate the most. I know it's taking all your resolve to come here and take care of me. I took you for granted, Saliou. You spoiled me so much, yet I took you for granted. But without you... I would've been such a huge mess. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me... From now on, I just want to focus on taking care of the baby. And I want to repay you for everything you've done for me."
Saliou didn't move. Didn't speak. He just sat there beside Milou, rubbing his back consolingly. For 30 seconds? 5 minutes? He didn't know.
After a long while, he broke the silence. "You're a big idiot, Mr. Milou Dumont," he said lightheartedly. "No matter what happens, you're going to always be my big brother. Above all else. And I love you regardless of what comes our way."
Finally, when Milou had released months of pent-up tears, he whispered, "Thank you, Sal..."
"I bet you needed that," was all Saliou could say.
He had no idea how much. And now Milou felt so much lighter, more at peace with himself and with his brother.
Saliou reached for a napkin to dry his eyes. "Just make sure to give me the prettiest niece, okay? Otherwise, I won't forgive you," he quipped.
This made Milou laugh, even through the tears. He dabbed at his eyes with a napkin and said, "Just you wait. She'll be so pretty, you'll be the most overprotective uncle to ever walk the earth."
Thus the brothers talked, and wept, and consoled each other by turns, until mutual assurances of everlasting affection remained.
For Milou, although it was hard to move past his mistakes, he learned to own them, kept them as his own, and accepted that Saliou cared for him regardless. Now, he could only hope that by the time he's done, he could feel like he's fully earned the other's forgiveness.
As for Saliou, forgiveness brought him the liberty to heal his heart, mind, and soul. It gave him the chance to begin a new life with only positivity. And while others think that forgiveness is weakness, he thought otherwise.
It takes a big person not to return pain for pain. It takes a strong person to say sorry, and an even stronger person to forgive.
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