For Saliou Matisse, life was one big disaster after another. And by the look of things, it's never going to be right.
Dismayed and distraught, Saliou felt his heart stop beating for what felt like eternity, but was just a second as the shock of the horrifying news registered in his mind. He collapsed to the floor and began crying.
He felt as though his whole world came crashing down on him. His insides became one huge knot. The first thought that came rushing like torrential waves was that Milou had broken his heart once again. In such a small span of time, his twin brother lied and went against his word a second time.
The longest day of his life was today and it's going to become longer every minute.
Saliou's heart was shattering into a million tiny pieces; tears burning his eyes as details of Milou's death was divulged: After delivery and attempted removal of the placenta, Milou began to hemorrhage profusely. But despite attempts to transfuse blood and control the bleeding surgically, his brother continued to hemorrhage, suffered shock and cardiac arrest, and could no longer be resuscitated.
It happened so fast. Milou died in less than 5 minutes after bleeding out.
Saliou got into his car then, and drove on for a couple of miles or more. He was shaking uncontrollably, but he forced himself to drive carefully.
As he drove to the hospital, all the scenes of him and Milou growing up came to him. Every time he looked at himself in the driving mirror, he would see his own brother, and then he would cry again.
He managed to park his car neatly in the hospital court and walk, not run, into the hospital. When he arrived, his eyes were hardly opened from all the crying he had done. But he felt like he was in a daze, as if he were no longer in his own body. There is something unreal about the whole situation, as though he were watching a drama from a front-row seat.
The elevator moved no slower than it should, but in this moment it seemed the frames of time had frozen. Saliou entered Milou's room, a place that was once so full of noise, now eerily quiet. He found an empty bed, and next to it were his parents and Wren's mother. Everyone was weeping.
"Saliou...!" Mrs. Matisse choked on his name and ran to him, crying hysterically.
Saliou rushed over to embrace his grief-stricken, entirely crushed mother. "Mom... Mom..." was all he could utter as he clung to her, buried his face in her shoulder, and whimpered.
Mr. Matisse came over to wrap his arms around Saliou and Mrs. Matisse; tears streaming down his distraught face. Standing there huddled together, they cried and cried, struggling to comfort each other.
"C-Can I see him...?" Saliou managed to ask in his tears.
Mrs. Dumont wiped the tears from her eyes and cleared her throat. "They've - They've already taken his body down to the morgue," she stuttered. "Wren's down there, too. I... I told him to just wait here but, he insisted on staying with... with Milou..."
"I... I didn't get a chance to... talk to Milou," Saliou cried. "I need to tell him I love him... I - I need to go."
The unmistakable sterile smell of the hospital assaulted Saliou's senses. But even that seemed different now. Walking down the long corridor to the morgue, the smell mixed with the overwhelming odor of formaldehyde.
It no longer conjured thoughts of bland hospital food, cleaning products, and rubber gloves. It made Saliou think of death.
He stopped until he reached double swinging doors. Once inside, he spoke with an attendant, who then got up from her desk and took Saliou down another long, dimly lit hallway.
He looked straight ahead. Down at the end of the hall was Wren, sitting on a metal bench closest to a door with a plaque that read the word "MORGUE" in big, black letters.
His head was down, his shoulders hunched, sitting absolutely still like a statue. He looked like a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders.
"Wren," Saliou called out, now just a few steps away from the other.
Wren jerked his head back, stunned by the sound of Saliou's voice. His eyes were red and puffy. He could see the pain in those eyes, even through the glaze which had thickened more from the last time he'd seen him.
Wren looked so lost, so empty.
"I... I want to see Milou," Saliou said, his voice cracking.
Wren lowered his head slightly, his body heaving slowly with an intake of breath. After a second, he pointed to the door next to him. "The attendant will take you to him."
The walls held the echoes of Wren's voice and Saliou felt his sorrow as if it were his very own. He had the urge to put his arms around the other, but he held himself in check. It was not for him to presume he'd give the other comfort at this tragic moment.
Saliou searched for the right words to console Wren. He hesitated a moment before he went over and placed a hand on the other's shoulder, pressed it lightly. "I'm... so sorry for your loss," he said, not quite sure what else to say.
Wren's sigh of response held a world of sorrow and hurt.
"Wren, I - " Saliou cleared his throat as he was about to speak but again, nothing.
The door to the morgue creaked open, which snapped both Wren and Saliou back to attention. "Only one person at a time," the attendant said, sounding detached.
Saliou felt a shiver go through his body. I'm not ready. Milou, I'm not ready.
He flinched when Wren tapped his hand, urging him to go.
With a faint nod, Saliou followed the attendant and walked into the morgue.
The coldness of the room felt like a sharp icicle penetrating Saliou's heart through and through. Inside the morgue, the sight of stainless steel gurneys and metal tables were unnerving enough, but what caused Saliou, who was already shaken enough, to almost faint were the rows of stainless steel doors lining all four walls of the massive room.
The attendant walked over to one of the metal tables – the only table containing a body, covered with a crisp clean white sheet. As she motioned for Saliou to approach the table, he began to sob again, shaking his head from side to side.
Saliou took a step forward, even though all he wanted to do was to turn around and leave the awful place behind. He was scared as hell, his hands were cold and clammy. But he was determined to carry out the act. He wanted to confirm it once and for all.
Without fanfare nor ceremony, Saliou fearfully pulled back the sheet and gasped instantly, dropped it as he clapped a hand over his mouth to protect his screams from echoing through the enclosed room.
His heart sunk in silent confusion as he once again lifted the sheet on one end, just enough to see the face.
There, Milou lay lifeless on the cold slab of stainless steel, seemingly asleep yet ashy white.
Saliou's resolve was shaken. It took him over a minute to recover from the shock. When he blinked his eyes, a flood of tears started streaming down his face.
Milou's body was still damp from his last bath; droplets of water shining on his forehead. With shaky hands, Saliou took the small white towel from the side of the table and carefully dried his brother's face.
Slightly weak in the knees, he just stared down on his twin brother. He wanted to scream, do something, yet nothing came. He just stared.
Milou's lips were dry and cracked, and had a sickening blue shade to them. His beautiful doe eyes, once so full of life, were closed shut, dark circles underlining both. His hair, always so soft and shiny, now looked stiff and brittle.
Gone was that cheeky smile that illuminated his entire face, the vigor of life that shone brightly in his hazel eyes, and the faint shade of pink that dotted his cheeks whenever he's nervous or excited. Gone was the unbounded energy that poured out of his lean frame, like lava from an erupting volcano, fueled by the joy of life.
Saliou tenderly gathered Milou into his arms. His body was cold. So icy cold. He could feel it right through the sheet that he was wrapped up in. He gave his brother the tightest hug he'd ever given him, rubbed his cheek against his hair, and rocked him as though he were sleeping.
"You said you'll wait for me, Milou... How could you lie to me again?"
Saliou sobbed loudly by then. He told his brother he'd already forgiven him and that there was nothing more to forgive. He told him how much he missed the fun times they had. He told him how very much he loved and cared for him, despite everything that's happened between them.
"You had such a silly laugh, but I loved it most of all," Saliou whimpered, still hugging Milou. "You were so mischievous, so embarrassingly bold, yet you loved having fun." Smoothing the other's hair, Saliou kissed the top of Milou's head, crying softly into his ear. "Why so soon, dear brother? How can I let you go?" He cried uncontrollably now, wracked with the pain of his own misery and grief.
How could life be so cruel and vicious? How could someone so precious be taken away from him? What did Milou ever do to deserve this? It wasn't fair.
"This isn't fair at all...!" Saliou cried aloud and profusely into his brother's stiff and cold shoulder. He held Milou's lifeless body while he cried harder than he'd ever cried in his entire life. He called out his brother's name over and over.
There was nothing he could do. This cold body in his arms had opened a wound in his heart that would never completely heal.
Saliou let out an agonizing wail.
Comments (0)
See all