I am surprised at myself. After so long spent desperately wishing that someone would see or hear me, someone finally has, and I have flinched away. I am not used to feeling anything, and suddenly, to feel so much - to feel eyes on me, to hear people respond to what I say, to touch Kasey’s hand, her hair…

My heart need not beat, but it does, and in that moment, it ran so hard that it threatened to burst.

Kasey did not make me feel poorly over it. For that, I am grateful. For so much, I am grateful.

I can’t wait to see her again, but first, I must learn to see myself.

I go to the grassy, empty lot where I would speak to the team through the ouija board. I know that only a select few can see me, yet I feel I must be alone for this, and no one comes here.

I start by stretching out on my back on the grass, looking up at the stars.

I hold up my hands and stare at them. They are not sheer, but there is a level of transparency. The light of the brightest stars shines through my palms, my wrists. If I look long enough, I can make out the faintest shapes of the clouds. Moonlight escapes through my hands and meets my eyes.

My hands. Mine.

I let out a dazed laugh, then run my fingers through my hair. I try to pull a strand down in front of my eyes, but it’s not quite long enough, falling only to my eyebrow at its greatest length. Do ghosts reflect in mirrors? I shall have to remember to ask Kasey.

Kasey. I recall the blush in her cheek that rose at my words. The feeling of her leaping into my arms, knocking me into the air. How she laughed. How she came after me when I would not go to her. The fire in her eyes, and her eyes on me.

I shiver, but not in a bad way. A pleasant shiver. Who knew such a thing existed? I must have, long ago. How could I have forgotten? And this time I can see it, see the movement through my fingers.

I curl my hands into fists, then tuck them beneath my chin until they go still again.

This is going to take some getting used to.

~~~~

Slowly, I adjust to seeing myself.

I keep snagging my own attention. Catching a glimpse of my arms or hands or boots, startling at the sight. Remembering all over again that I am here, really here. Sometimes I burst into laughter, without exactly knowing why. Now that the shock has begun to wear off, it’s simply incredible, to have a form, a voice.

More than incredible. It’s a miracle.

Kasey promised me all the time I need, and I promised not to keep her waiting long. After several days and nights of settling into my form, I return to Benton Street.

She is there, waiting at the exact place where she found me in the map. Sitting on the curb, her arms wound around her knees, her shoes and jacket in a pile next to her.

I wonder if she has come to wait for me every night. My heart warms at the thought, but also stumbles nervously.

Kasey can see me now, and hear me. I know how I feel about her, but she has not yet had a chance to decide how she feels about me. She may not care for my manner of speaking, my appearance, or who I am. Before, I was shielded by my silence, my invisibility. Now I have no such convenient hiding places.

I suppose I revealed some of myself to her on the day of my summoning. It was so much easier then, when it all felt like a dream, unreal.

Kasey’s gaze drops from the sky and travels over Benton Street. She sees me, where I have stopped in the middle of the road. She freezes, her eyes widening. Slowly, she gets to her feet.

I had thought myself ready, but my nerves take hold of me again, and I feel my form begin to flicker.

“Oh - Will, wait!” Kasey stops, one hand held out to me. "Is this too-? Here, one sec." She strides to the center of the street, where she drops to the pavement and stretches out on her back, staring up at the sky. “I’m not looking at you, okay? C’mere.”

I stand there struggling for a moment.

I recall the first night she returned to Benton Street, when I found her just like this. On that night, I had stretched out at her side, unseen. I can do it again, now. I know I can. And Kasey truly isn’t looking, I can tell even from here.

I take a deep breath. Slowly, I move forward, stop about a foot away from her, and lay out on my back, too.

Kasey knows that I am there. She is still looking up, but she must see me in her peripheral vision. She closes her eyes, and smiles.

“Hi,” she says.

“Hello.”

Kasey lets out a sharp exhale.

“Hi,” she says again, then presses her fingers to her mouth, trying to suppress a laugh.

I am nervous beyond measure to speak with her, and her laughter has me wondering at my words, my voice.

“Have I - said something amusing?”

“No,” she answers. “I’m just excited, and happy.”

My body warms at her words, and the nerves fluttering within me slow down, let me breathe.

“Oh.”

“Sorry, I need to keep my eyes closed, or I know I’m gonna look at you.”

“Ain’t no need for apologies,” I tell her gratefully. “Appreciate it, matter of fact.”

Her brows furrow, but she’s still smiling.

“You have an interesting way of talking, Will. Sometimes you sound very, um - aristocratic? And other times you sound - well, more like a guy from the beat crew.”

“I suppose I’ve lived both lives, in a way.”

Kasey nods slowly, her eyes shut tight, her expression bright and joyful. Her hair is a silky black halo around her head. I cannot believe I was so bold as to touch it, when we first had the chance to meet. Twice! What’s come over me?

“Sometimes,” Kasey continues, “It sounds like your speech patterns haven’t changed at all, and then other times you sound a little more modern.”

“Perhaps because I have been listening, but not speaking.” I fidget my fingers on the pavement, though I cannot feel it. “Does - does it displease you? My way of speaking?”

“Nope. No. Not at all. The opposite of that.”

I smile so widely that I think I’m using new muscles in my face.

“I have learned one or two phrases from you,” I inform Kasey.

“Yeah?” She quirks an eyebrow. “Like what?”

I cast my mind around for one, and land on something I heard her say recently, though I don’t know what it means.

“It’s lit, fam.”

Kasey’s jaw drops, and she lets out a burst of delighted laughter, throwing her hands over her mouth.

“Will! Oh my fucking - oh, my god. Okay, now you did say something amusing. Holy shit. That - oh, okay. I’m fine. It’s fine.” She takes a deep breath, trying and failing to contain her laughter. “I’m not laughing at you, I promise! Don’t go! Will - did you leave?”

“No,” I answer, half-laughing myself. I don’t know what I said, but it brings me great joy to see Kasey laugh like this. “Did I say it incorrectly? I’m still learning.”

“No, you-” She giggles again, covering her face with her hands. “That’s - just-”

“Or was it litfam? One word?”

“No,” Kasey wheezes, “Definitely not.”

With each burst of laughter that rises from her, warm happiness is pooling within me, borne from that sound.

“Listen, Will, super important: when you’re comfortable enough to talk to Jamie and Aiden, I need you to use that phrase around them with no warning, okay? Promise me.”

“I promise. How shall I use it? When is it appropriate?”

“Like - if something is really good, or fun.”

“Well.” I smile at her, though she’s still keeping her eyes shut. “It seems I should have ample opportunity, then. Being around you.” I hesitate, then add: “That... is the first time I’ve had a question answered in so long.”

Kasey’s laughter simmers down into a wide smile, and she shakes her head, burying her hands in her hair.

“This is so fucking crazy. I can’t believe you’re really here. I have about a billion things I want to ask you, and I have no fucking idea where to start, but the accent is making me curious, so - where did you grow up?”

She is asking me to share more of myself with her, and I tell myself that I can do it. It’s an easy question, at least.

“Came up in Missouri.”

“Where in Missouri?”

“A place called St. Louis,” I say, and then, when she nods - “You’ve heard of it?”

“Wh-? Yeah, I’ve heard of it.” Kasey seems baffled, but her expression quickly clears. “Oh, I guess that when you lived there, it probably wasn’t even incorporated as a city yet, was it? Hundreds of thousands of people live there now, Will.”

“Hundreds of thousands,” I repeat, dazed by this news. “In St. Louis alone? Well, I… goodness. Missouri had only just been admitted as a state, ‘round the time I left.”

“That’s…” Kasey opens her eyes and stares upwards, looking just as staggered as I am. “Jesus, I forgot how long ago you…”

I falter, watching this dawn across her face.

“Our lives were lived so far apart,” I say quietly. I do not care to point this out, but it is the truth of the matter, and if the fact deters her, I’d rather it be over with quickly. “Centuries.”

“I know.” The bright smile returns to Kasey’s face. “I can’t wait to hear all about it, Will. I want to hear everything you remember, when you’re ready.”

I stare at her, surprised by this response. My silence lasts too long, and Kasey tilts her head to the side, checking that I’m still there.

Quite unintentionally, we lock eyes with each other.

Kasey makes a quick movement of her head, as if she’s about to turn away, but she does not, and neither do I. A breathless moment slips by, during which my heart stumbles over every beat. Her eyes are inky black pools, like the richest, deepest night sky. I forget to be afraid, to be nervous. I forget everything, except those beautiful eyes on mine.

Kasey blinks, then breaks her gaze away, looking up again.

It takes me a minute or two to find my voice.

“My life is so far in the past, I must confess I - I remember only the broad strokes.” I pause, then add, “When I first understood what had become of me, I would tell myself stories from my life. I did not want to forget them. But the more I told them, the more I realized I had changed a detail, or left something out, or filled something in. I had no one to help me recall the truth. The stories became so clouded, so distant from what they once were, that I abandoned them altogether.”

A sad look comes over Kasey’s face.

“Will... you must have been so lonely, this whole time.”

I am still looking at her.

“I have been, yes. But not so much, anymore. Not since that first night you came to Benton Street, Miss Lavoe. Kasey.”

She bites her lip, then puts her hand down on the pavement, next to mine. My breath catches, but I do not move away.

Kasey shifts her hand closer, until the edges of our palms brush together.

“I can help you,” she says.

I am so very distracted by this tiny point of contact between us that it takes me a second to parse her words.

“What do you mean?”

“You said that you’ve forgotten your history. I’m a historian. I bet we can fill in the gaps together. At least a little bit.”

At this offer, my happiness briefly overwhelms me, makes it difficult for me to speak.

“Oh,” is all I can say.

“And that way, I can get a chance to know you. You’ve got an unfair advantage, you know all about me, but I’m just learning about you.”

This is true, and I am hesitant to speak of myself because of it. If Kasey does not like what she hears…

“Where would you have me start?” I ask.

“Let’s see… you came from money, didn’t you? You said you’ve lived the more aristocratic life.”

“I… yes.” This is not where I would prefer to begin. I don’t want her to get the wrong idea about me, but the truth must come first. “My father was a very wealthy man.”

“But you ended up on the beat crew, so - what happened? Did your family lose their money? Were they Loyalists, or something?”

“On the contrary. My mother was quite the revolutionary. As a teenager, she was part of a sewing circle.”

Kasey frowns, puzzled. “Um - is that revolutionary?”

“This one was. The women would meet under the pretense of sewing frills and frippery, when they were in fact sewing flags, to be used for the cause.”

Kasey glances over at me, surprised, then breaks into a wide grin. “Seriously? Holy shit.”

“Yes. But my mother passed when I was young, and I was left with my father.” I scowl at the mere thought of him, even after all this time. “Contemptible man,” I mutter, and see Kasey’s eyebrows arch.

“Ooh," she says. "Spill the tea."

“What?” I turn to her, confused. “Tea? I can’t drink anything. Can you?”

“No, I was-” Kasey dissolves into giggles again, pressing her fingers to her mouth. “Sorry, I meant - what did he do?”

“He and I could agree on virtually nothing,” I explain, staring up at the sky. “But most particularly the running of our family business, which I was meant to take over. The way my father treated those under his employ…” Again, I scowl at the memory. “A miserable miser, he was. It was nothing to him, if the lowly fell even further so that he might rise even higher.”

Kasey doesn’t answer, so I keep going.

“Eventually, we could not keep with each other. I learned of some choices he’d made for our business through a story in the paper. He had not even told me. I went to him, and he said that I should be proud that we had expanded our wealth so significantly.” I can feel my scowl growing deeper, and I take a breath, steadying myself out. “I felt that pride in one’s spirit or heart, or pride in accomplishment - that is true pride, and well-won. But to take pride in wealth - that is mere mockery of others. I told my father as much, and I left, with only the pocket watch. In truth, I was relieved. I could not foresee a more dreadful life for myself than that of an insipid lordling. It always rang so… empty.”

Still, Kasey doesn’t say a word. I have been stoically keeping my gaze on the sky, but now I risk a glance at her.

I find her looking right at me. Her eyes blink away immediately, going back to the starscape above us.

“Yeah, you know what?” she says. “I think I’m gonna like you just fine.”

I bite my lip, relieved and smiling, then say: “I suppose you might grow on me, too. Eventually.”

“Hey!” Kasey laughs. “You already like me, dude. I can tell. Don’t play.”

I feel a sudden burn across my nose and cheeks, and Kasey must catch a glimpse of it from the corner of her eye, because she turns to look at me again.

“Hey, it’s fine,” she says, much more softly, a small smile on her face. “I’m not complaining.”

Her palm shifts against mine, and she slowly takes my hand.

Neither of us is used to this sensation yet. We both fall silent, staring down at our intertwined fingers.

“Lord’s sake,” I mumble, and Kasey laughs.

“You’re telling me.”

But - it’s too much. Too much feeling at once, overwhelming me, crashing over me. Before I realize what I’m doing, I yank my hand away from hers.

I didn’t intend to, and I scramble for an apology, an explanation.

“I’m sorry,” Kasey says, before I can say the same. “Am I right in thinking you do want to do this, but you need time?”

I can only nod, and Kasey nods, too. She smiles, then steals one more look into my eyes before her gaze moves back to the stars.

“It’s totally fine, Will. You and me, we’ve got all the time in the world.”