Nightmares.
That’s what Kai had told Danny the first night they shared a bed.
Captured.
Tortured.
Killed.
Memories that haunted Kai in his dreams.
In the few nights Danny had slept next to Kai he hadn’t seen any indications of nightmares.
The guy slept like a rock and snored like a bear, and though they usually ended up tangled together Kai would sprawl about in his sleep first, as if claiming every inch of the bed as his own, before finally settling in next to Danny.
Danny tended to be a light sleeper.
He woke to Kai tossing and turning.
He thought it was his usual sprawling tendency and was about to go back to bed when he noticed Kai tense up. Danny stopped and watched him, seeing through the dark, he could see Kai’s eyes still closed, his brows furrowed, his jaw almost tense.
“Kai?” Danny asked.
A whimper came out.
Danny quickly sat up.
“Kai?” He said again, watching Kai, not sure wether to wake him or not.
Kai tensed again, brows knitting closer together, “Alex!” he suddenly called out in a strained gruff voice, then he woke up with a start, out of breath and eyes wide.
He took a second to orient himself, staring up at the ceiling as he steadied his breathing.
Danny quietly laid back down, not wanting to make a show of it. He kept his eyes on Kai.
When Kai finally turned to him he seemed surprised to find him awake.
“Hey,” he said softly, “sorry, did I wake you?”
Danny shook his head, “no, you okay though?”
Kai nodded.
“You want some milk and cookies? That usually helps Elena after a bad dream.”
Kai smiled, “I’m okay.”
A moment passed and neither one said anything, and neither of them closed their eyes.
“Um, what also helps Elena fall back asleep,” Danny said, clearing his throat, “is…” he looked at Kai’s hair and tentatively reached out his hand, he paused right above Kai’s head and looked at him again, “usually helps calm her down…”
Kai glanced up at Danny’s hand, then back at Danny and nodded.
Danny let his hand land gently on Kai’s hair and started combing his fingers through his curls.
Kai smiled and shifted a little to give Danny better access.
“C’mere,” Danny said, lifting up the blanket they were underneath so that Kai could slide closer to him, Kai did without hesitation.
He turned in Danny’s arms, becoming the little spoon.
Danny put his hand back on Kai’s head, gently sifting through his curls, weaving his locks of hair through his fingers. His other hand rested on top of Kai’s arm, tracing lines up and down and side to side.
He wasn’t sure who fell asleep first, him or Kai, but they stayed curled together for the rest of the night, both sound asleep.
It was the week before Thanksgiving and Danny and Kai were trying to get everything clean and ready before Jenny arrived that weekend.
When Danny had left Kai’s house that morning to drop off Elena at school he'd promised to come back after work to keep helping.
It looked like Kai had wanted to argue, tell Danny not to worry about it, that he could do it, but he held back. Instead he nodded and gave Danny a soft smile, “thanks.”
“There’s no way you’d get any of this done without me,” Danny replied, looking at the mess of boxes they’d left in the living room.
Kai nodded in agreement.
Kai hadn’t advanced much when Danny stopped by later that day, he’d gotten busy with camp stuff and had been in and out of meetings all day.
“Wow, so I tell you I’m gonna come help clean up and you just decide to not even work on it all?” Danny said, hands on his hips.
“I have a job too you know!”
They had taken out the last few boxes from Kai’s old room and had moved them into his current one, the masterbedroom.
They were going through them, seeing what was worth keeping in the room and what they would be hauling downstairs.
Danny stopped at an open box, labeled on the sides in black sharpie: BUDS.
“This from when you were in the SEALs babe?”
There was a photo frame face down sticking out at the top of the box.
Kai looked up from the box he’d been going through and watched as Danny reached for the photo. “Yeah...”
“This your team?” Danny said, showing Kai the photo as he sat down on the bed.
Kai nodded, “yeah,” he said, though it was barely audible.
In the photo he was in his camo, he was with a group of 7 other guys also in camo. Despite how tired they looked, they were all grinning at the camera.
Kai walked over and sat next to Danny.
“I recognize Micah,” Danny said, pointing out their scuba diving instructor from a few weeks ago.
Kai nodded then pointed out everyone else in the photo, telling Danny their names, he skipped over the guy that was next to him in the photo, the guy he had an arm wrapped around.
“And that’s,” Kai finally said, coming back to the guy, tapping a finger on him, “that’s…” Danny looked up at Kai, he could see pain in his eyes, his jaw clenching, the crease between his brows, “that’s Alex.”
They were quiet for a moment, Danny thinking back to their first night together a month before, Halloween, Kai had mentioned nightmares, living through things.
Alex.
Danny had heard that name before, just a few weeks ago, the nightmare he’d had, the last words he’d spoken before waking.
“I-” Danny said, “I’m sorry, I-” he tried to put the photo back down, it was none of his business.
“No,” Kai said, reaching out to stop him, placing his hand over Danny’s on the photo frame.
They looked at each other for a moment before Kai pulled his hand back.
“No uh, these, these guys are family, I don’t talk about them enough.”
He took a deep breath as he looked at the photo again, not everyone had made it.
He didn’t talk with them enough, the ones that were left, they checked in on each other often over the phone, but aside from Micah they all lived in different parts of the world.
He scooted back on the bed until he was leaning against the headrest and pillows. Danny followed, bringing the photo with him.
Kai pointed out the guys again and told Danny all about them, he told him which ones weren’t here anymore, which ones they’d lost on deployment and which ones they’d lost once they'd come back home.
He told him their dreams and their favorite jokes and his favorite memories with them.
Still, he skipped over Alex again.
“They sound like pretty great guys,” Danny said.
“Yeah,” Kai said, “I was lucky to have them.”
He looked up at Danny again and took another deep breath.
“And Alex,” he said, eyes still on Danny, as if trying to gauge his reaction, “he was… he was my best friend. More than that too…”
He didn’t feel any judgment in his eyes.
After accidentally coming out to Danny during their commercial shoot a few weeks prior Danny hadn’t acted any differently toward him, no fear or disgust or judgment.
“Alex, he was a total jackass.” Kai said and grinned at Danny’s soft chuckle, “you kinda remind me of him actually.” He quickly held his breath, he hadn’t meant to say that out loud, but Danny’s only response was a soft smile.
“Um,” Kai continued, looking down at the photo again, at Alex, “we met at school, military boarding school. I was…” he glanced at Danny, smirking, “what certain people would call reckless, exhibiting maniac behavior.”
Danny grinned.
Kai looked back down, “I was angry with the world. With, everyone. I flopped back and forth between indifference to it all and wallowing and just… picking fights. I didn’t want to be there, I didn’t want-” he paused a moment before continuing, “Alex always called me out on my bullshit. We hated each other.”
“I don’t know how we went from fighting all the time to… being inseparable." Kai said, taking a moment before continuing, "he made me feel like I… like there was someone who cared about me, someone who wanted me around.”
“When we graduated, there were talks about enlisting.” Kai’s breathing deepened. “He was gonna go to college.” His brows knitted, pain once more visible on his face. “He wasn’t going to enlist Danny, he was supposed to go to college.”
Danny placed a hand on Kai’s shoulder, and Kai’s eyes fluttered shut as he leaned into Danny’s touch.
“It was my fault he died Danny. I watched him die.” Kai said, a tear rolling down his cheek. “He shoulda gone to college, he should’ve just gone to college. He wasn’t going to enlist Danny he supposed to go to college.” His voice was raw and broken as tears rolled down his face.
Danny’s eyes were watering too as he pulled Kai into him, Kai let himself collapse into Danny.
There was a quiet as Danny comforted Kai, stroking his hair and running his hand up and down Kai’s arm.
“You can’t put that on yourself man,” Danny eventually said, when he found his voice.
“I know,” Kai said, “that’s what my therapist says. And I don’t. Not all the time. Just sometimes it…”
“I know,” Danny said, knowing what Kai meant, feeling it himself on a constant basis, though he couldn’t imagine the level Kai must be feeling it at.
Kai took a deep breath and shifted so he could look at Danny, turning in his arms to the point that Danny was basically cradling him like a child.
Danny didn’t think twice about wiping Kai’s tears away with his thumb.
“I’m sorry,” Kai said.
Danny knitted his brows, “what are you apologizing for? You’ve got nothing to be sorry for with me.”
Kai smiled as he looked up at Danny. “Thank you then.”
Danny tsked, as if it was nothing, holding Kai like that, running a hand through his hair, their faces so close. “That’s what friends are for right?”
Kai looked down, staring at the buttons on Danny’s shirt before nodding, “yeah…”
Author's Note
Not gonna lie, this chapter took me by surprise!
I knew Kai partially blamed himself for Alex's death, mostly for the fact that he's still alive and enjoying life and Alex isn't. But the whole college thing was news to me! I'd thought they met at boot camp but decided it would be better in military school, which lead to Alex enlisting with Kai. And bam, revelation and tears!
Next special on the list is Knife throwing!!! Coming soon! <3
Love you, see you later Campers <3
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