I continued taking deep breaths, overwhelmed by the heat, passion, and rashness of the moment. My hand were shaking with nervousness and desire. I clenched them, trying to gain control of my overactive imagination. Feeling dizzy with anticipation--my vision swimming--I continued outside to my car, locked it from the porch, and then headed back inside.
I looked up at the second floor of the house, my mouth tight with apprehension. Steadily, I climbed the stairs, resisting the urge to dash up them, leap into the bed, and do what both I and Melissa desired to do.
Each step seemed to take forever, which I was glad of, but at the same time, hateful of.
I was stuck between a place of fear and utter hunger, and it was a scary place to be in. Upon climbing the final step, I straightened my clothes and marched through Melissa’s bedroom door.
I looked to my right, at Melissa's bed, to see her eyes closed, and to see her resting peacefully upon it. She was still wearing a tank top and jeans, which I was glad of. Something about being able to remove a woman’s clothes and her removing yours...
I sat next to her on the bed without a word. Her eyes fluttered open. She sat up, hanging her legs off the bed and clasping her hands in her lap. I could tell that she was just as nervous as I was. Neither of us could look at each other. I twiddled my fingers while she pretended to look at a particularly interesting patch of paint on the wall.
I turned toward her, asking, “What was your favorite thing about Milo?”
She turned toward me, eyes becoming glazed with blinding, intoxicating memories of Milo. “His humor.”
I nodded. “What’s your favorite thing about me?”
Melissa leaned her cheek on my shoulder, clasping my hand in hers. “Your sincerity and simplicity.”
My eyes widened at her word-choice. Simplicity… that’s what Noir said he liked about me, too. To hear those beloved words coming out of her mouth was music to my ears.
“What do you like about me?” Melissa asked.
I thought about it for many silent moments, trying my best to narrow down one thing I liked about her, but could hardly do so.
I love her spunk, independence, intelligence, and how outgoing she is. I thought to myself. When I couldn’t choose just one thing, I said, “Everything. But if I had to pick one thing, I would say your compassion.”
We looked into each other’s eyes, unable to look away. Hers were forest-green, and I felt like I was looking into a deep, verdant wonderland when I stared into the depths of them. I wondered what she was thinking of my eyes, but I didn’t have to wonder long.
She giggled. “Your eyes are so sweet--chocolate brown.”
We both leaned in for a kiss, closing our eyes. She pressed her lips against mine gently. I moved my hand to the back of her head, running my hand through her black curls. It was a comfortable kiss at first, but it turned fiery when I moved my lips lower, kissing her neck.
She smelled so good, and I drank in the smell as if it were the sweetest smelling flower. I shoved my lips against her neck aggressively as if it were the best tasting thing in the world--and in that moment, I thought it might have been, considering I couldn’t remove my lips from it to save my life.
I pressed my lips harder and harder against it until Melissa began to be pushed over from the force of it. She giggled as she fell backwards onto the bed.
Heat flowed through my body. I forgot what a nice feeling it was to have.
Since my lips had lost contact with her soft neck, I finally had the opportunity to unbutton her jeans frantically, while she did the same for me.
Her mouth was open in the most attractive way the whole time--so excited that she forgot to breath through her nose.
My fingers finally calmed enough that I managed to unbutton her jeans and pull them down. She managed to do the same for me. After that, I began pulling her tank top up yearningly, forgetting that I needed her cooperation.
It ripped a little, which made us both pause.
My eyes were wide in embarrassment. I hoped it wasn't an expensive tank top. "S-sorry..." I muttered.
She laughed heartily for a moment, showing that she wasn't aggrieved by her ripped tank top at all, and then I joined in.
Once we had our fill of laughter, she lifted her arms, allowing me to remove her tank top, and I began kissing my way down her body.
__
I fell asleep in Melissa’s arms, feeling the safest and most relaxed I had in months despite the fact that I was in a new house, with a woman who felt at once familiar and foreign. Although I went to sleep feeling relaxed, the dream I had was far from peaceful.
I was back in the dark tower, trailing Noir as fast as I could while he led me through it. Noir had offered to carry me--stretching his arms out to convey what he was asking--but I shook my head. I didn’t know whether it was possible for Noir to get tired, but that was definitely a worry of mine. An even greater worry was preserving my own dignity.
I had two arms and two legs, I wanted to use them. I didn’t want to be completely dependent on Noir, even if it slowed us down.
Traversing the tower was a terrifying affair. Around every corner of every hall, the creatures of light lurked, illuminating each corridor they stepped into in blinding light--making it nearly impossible to hide from them.
Luckily, Noir knew the tower well, and he seemed to have an uncanny ability to tell when the creatures of light were approaching. When they were approaching, he would stop in his tracks, dash to my side, and tuck me away inside a room where I prayed that the creatures of light would not find me. Even hiding in the darkest corner of a room was not enough to stop the rays of light from creeping in under the door, hurting my eyes.
Every moment inside the tower overwhelmed me with stress. I felt like I wanted to leave my body, just so I wouldn’t have to deal with the terror of hiding from the creatures of light, waiting for them to find me or not find me.
Worse than the terror of the prospect of the creatures finding me and taking me away from a chance at a second life, was the worthlessness I was feeling. Noir had to drag me around, had to hide me away, I felt like I wasn’t participating in my own path to freedom.
And I felt exhausted from how long we had been moving. Not physically, but mentally. The constant need to stay moving and trying to stay ahead of being caught by identifying suitable places to hide was tiring, and being jerked about and being in a place that I didn’t understand that was so dangerous was just as tiring.
It felt like me and Noir had gone down dozens of staircases when I finally stopped. leaning against a wall in a hallway, looking down at my shiny, ethereal feet. Noir paused when he briefly trudged past me, and then came to stand by my side. He cocked his head to the side as if to ask, What’s wrong?
I cleared my throat, rubbing my eyelids. “I’m feeling a little tired. Do you know a place where we can rest?”
Noir tapped his fingers against his chin, and then he held up a pointer finger. He sunk into the ground and, in shadow form, sped across the floor--scouting ahead. I watched him with my heart thudding, wondering if the creatures of light would show up to capture me while he was gone. Worse, I wondered if he had just abandoned me because he was sick of me and I was such a burden.
The hall I was standing in worked as a wind tunnel, with shrieking air blowing past my big ears on either side. Ahead of me, past the hall, was another decrepit, circular landing with a spiral staircase leading downwards. I couldn’t decide which was scarier, the large, open stairwell with the cold, shrieking wind in my face, or the narrow, dark hallways that were hard to move in.
Eventually, Noir returned to my side and pointed to the wide, open landing at the end of the hall. I sighed shakily. Noir examined my face curiously, recognizing how tired I must be feeling. He stretched his arms out again, offering to carry me. Finally, I accepted, too exhausted to refuse.
He carried me over to the landing, and then to the wall on the other side of the stairwell.
He crouched by the wall and pointed to a cobweb-filled crawlspace just big enough for me to squeeze into. I gulped, nearly unwilling to go in. However, I took a deep breath and forced myself to go in, wanting to prove to myself and Noir that I could do it.
My hands shook as I crawled through the dirt and grime, spider webs getting caught in my hair. I whimpered, unable to shake how cold and miserable the situation was.
Luckily, I didn’t have to crawl for long. Soon enough, the crawlspace let out into a slightly bigger room that was empty, dank, and dark, but felt very safe. I took a moment to sit down, leaning against the wall and hugging my knees.
I felt myself calming down. There were many times while we were traveling that I had the instinct to give up, but now that I had a moment to calm down and clear my head, I felt better. At least somewhat. Many things were still bothering me, though.
Noir sat beside me and traced some letters in the dirt and grime that caked the floor.
Are you okay?
I sniffed bitterly. “I don’t know. I feel helpless. If it weren’t for you, I would have died dozens of times over by now. I can’t do anything on my own…”
Noir shook his head, making more letters. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You don’t know who you are, and you’re in a place that you know nothing about, running from creatures who will end you if you’re not careful. You’re doing just fine.
“I want to have a hand in my own freedom, though. I was locked in that cage for so long, just waiting… waiting for someone to rescue me. I hated that feeling of being unable to help myself, I hate it now, too, because I’m still unable to help myself…” I told him quietly.
Noir wrapped a comforting arm around my shoulder, and I leaned my cheek on his shoulder.
“I’m scared, Noir. I know so little about this place, myself, these creatures, and even you. I’m scared of being taken by the creatures of light, but I’m also scared of being reborn into a world that I have no memory of. Can you tell me more about it?” I asked him.
There was a great pause--Noir seemed almost reluctant--and then he began scribbling more letters into the floor. There’s a big blue sky, a bright, yellow sun, people working jobs that make them both happy and miserable, and families, too.
“Families?” I asked, my eyes lighting up at the word. The word was precious, but I had forgotten what it meant.
Families include parents and siblings. Families are supposed to love you unconditionally. Parents are the people who give you life, siblings are other children who your parents give birth to. Noir wrote.
My eyes widened as I read the words.
I had a strange feeling flitting through my body--excitement mixed with apprehension--as he explained what a family was. Bubbles of warmth rose inside me followed by the sensation of nails scratching my nerves. I found that my arms had tightened around my knees without my realizing it. “Did I have a family?”
Noir nodded.
I wanted to ask him more, but was terrified to do so, for whatever reason. I changed the subject. “Noir, is there any way to hurt these creatures of light? And what are these creatures of light?”
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