Corey could die. Seeing his hook-up from the night before, the one he had spent all morning daydreaming about, with his arm around Wes… Jealous. Tense, angry jealousy overwhelmed him. He’d frozen in his tracks at the unfamiliar emotion and glared at James and Wes. Only to be mortified when Wes introduced him as his brother.

Wes was the only one who knew about how Corey wanted to live. How some days he felt more like a she. Some days he wanted to be called Cora and felt more comfortable in a dress. It wasn’t anything more than that. He didn’t want any hormones. He didn’t want any surgeries. He wanted a social transition. To show up in feminine clothes and be called Cora. To show up in masculine clothes and be called Corey. He wanted long hair that he could curl or straighten and enough make up that the so-called beauty gurus on youtube would be jealous of his stash.

Wes knew all of it after some drunken confessions and Wes not only didn’t care, but actively encouraged him to go for it. Wes told him of the LGBT friendly bar. Wes… Did Wes purposely send him to his brother…?

All night. He spent all night thinking himself in circles over it. On one hand, it had been a perfect night. He had someone treat him exactly how he’d wanted to be treated. On the other hand… James had known who he was. From the very get go, he’d known and he hadn’t said anything. In the end, that’s where that mortifying heat came from. He hadn’t known and James had.

He’d ignored the text. He’d had too. There wasn’t anything he could say that wouldn’t make his embarrassment that much stronger.

Corey was exhausted when his alarm finally went off. He’d barely managed any sleep at all, but he’d at least started to come to terms with what had happened. It’d been a mistake is all. A big, big mistake. He would just wait until after college to try again. That was all there was to it.

Except for the first time ever, he’d felt completely seen by someone. His phone dinged.

James: Again, just apologizing. I wasn’t there with the intent to meet you and take you home. I just wanted to look out for my brother's friend.

Did that make it better? That James hadn’t been there to intentionally come after him. That Wes hadn’t tried setting him up with his brother… Corey didn’t know.

Corey: Can we meet up? I’d rather talk this through in person.

The response was instant, as though James was as anxious as he was about that night.

James: Yes. Want to come by tonight? Or we can meet somewhere in public if that would make you more comfortable.

Corey: Your place is fine. What time?

They set a time and with that done, Corey was able to push his worries to the side. There was nothing he could do about it now. Knowing he’d have some answers later was more than enough to keep his mind focused on his classes.

It wasn’t until the time to leave approached that the urge hit him. He wanted to wear a dress. He wanted to be called Cora. He didn’t feel like a he. But Corey shoved that away, the same way he did when it hit any other day. Pulling on a pair of boxers felt wrong. He stared at himself in the mirror then decided, fuck it. He swapped the boxers for a pair of white lacy panties. The unsettled feeling in him calmed down a notch at the sight. It went away almost completely when he shaved off the stubble on his face.

Wearing baggy sweatpants and a university cut off t-shirt, he went to James’ place. The panties were enough for now.

Knocking was next to impossible. His gut churned with anxiety and eagerness. Steeling himself with a deep breath, he lifted his hand and knocked.

The door opened immediately. Again, as though James was just as nervous as he was. Just as unsure how to handle the situation. The thought soothed him. His smile was genuine as he greeted James.

“Hey.”

“Hey, come on in.”

James was wearing a pair of basketball shorts and a grey t shirt. Corey thought he was stunning with so many muscles on display, then smacked those thoughts down. He followed James to the kitchen where the setting sun was beaming through windows. A faint scent of something spicy hung in the air and some clean dishes were sitting in the drying rack.

“Want anything to drink? I’ve got some tea, fair warning that it’s pretty sweet, juice, water, a beer?”

“Water’s fine. Thanks.”

James poured them both a glass from a jug in the fridge then sat down across from him. “Ok, first things first, should I call you Cora or Corey while you’re here?”

That settled feeling broke loose. The panties weren’t enough. His throat tightened as he stared into the sincere gaze that James was giving him. Cora, his heart begged him to say. Cora. Cora. “Corey’s fine,” he forced himself to say. Cora, his heart pleaded as the knot in his throat tightened.

“All right. Let me know if that changes.”

Horrified at his sight blurring, Corey dropped his gaze to the glass in front of him and blinked away the tears. He cleared his throat and nodded.

“Thank you for letting me apologize in person. I really am sorry. I was there to make sure nothing bad happened to you. Wes was worried and I had a new bartender there that night anyway so it wasn’t any trouble for me to come sit in. I still shouldn’t have accepted your proposition, or pushed it further, but I did and I can’t change that. If I could do it over, I would still want that night with you, I just would have told you who I was to Wes before it.”

Corey shifted in his seat and ran a finger through the condensation forming on his glass. “Uh, yeah it’s all good.” He shifted again, then blurted out, “I just have one question. Did I look like a… I mean was it…” He clenched his jaw. He didn’t know how to ask.

“If Wes hadn’t told me, I never would have thought you were anything other than another woman in my bar.”

Corey’s eyes shot up. James’ smile was soft, his gaze honest. “Why’d you go along with it if you knew different?”

James’ brows drew together. “If I knew different? You mean that you have a penis?” Corey nodded. “I’m bi. I was attracted to you, I didn’t particularly care one way or the other what was in your pants… or dress. I got caught up in you and started thinking with the wrong body part.”

Corey was flattered. He’d looked good enough… Better than good enough! “Would you want to do it again?”

Silence. Then, hesitantly, “Corey…” James blew out a breath. “I can’t. I shouldn’t. I’m at least fifteen years your senior. How old are you again? 21? 22?”

“21.”

“Sixteen years your senior then. You should be with people your own age. That’s a big part of what this age is for. You learn and do stupid shit together.”

“I’m not interested in people my age. They’re all insecure and judgemental and…” And he was just as insecure as the rest. He wanted to be with someone who was confident in who they were and who wanted him for who he was.

“It was my understanding that you’ve only tried it once. How do you know this if you’re not giving your peers a chance?”

“I see my peers everyday. I hear the things they say about those who are different to them. I’m not risking ruining the last year of my college days by this getting out.”

James shook his head and rubbed a hand over his mouth. Disappointment settled on Corey’s shoulders.

“Look,” Corey said. “I just want to explore this part of me with someone I can trust. You’ve already proved that I could trust you. You’ve said you found me attractive. I don’t want to worry about my first time being with someone who doesn’t know what they’re doing.”