That was the longest two weeks of Corey’s life. He’d never so desperately counted down the days like he had the past fourteen. Now he was drafting and deleting a text. All his mind could focus on was ‘what if James changed his mind?’

Corey: Hey. It’s been two weeks. I have an answer if you’re still interested?

James: I am. What’s the answer?

Corey: I really thought it through. I mean all of it. What if people found out anyway? Will I regret this? Everything. I thought through as many angles as I could and I still want to do this with you.

James: And you’re ok keeping it from Wes? You’re sure?

Corey: Yeah. I’m sure. Can I come over this weekend?

James: Sorry, Wes and I have plans that we can’t skip, but I’m free any evening this week. Did you get tested?

Corey: Yeah I did. Wednesday night work for you?

James: Sure does. Can’t wait

Corey was floating on cloud nine as he pulled on his boxers and got dressed for classes. He joined the crowds heading for their morning classes and their coffee stops. Wes was waiting on the front steps with an extra coffee for him. They walked into class together.

“What’s up with you?” Wes asked.

“What? What do you mean?”

“You just look like you got some great news.”

“Oh. I don’t know, it’s just a good day, you know?” And it was. The sun was shining. It wasn’t too hot. Clouds had dotted the sky in a picture perfect early fall day. He wasn’t the only one walking with a spring in his step. “Hey, I’ve never asked, but why do you live in the dorms instead of with your brother?”

Wes frowned at him and slowly lowered his cup. The room was still filling with students. “Why? What brought him up?”

Corey could feel his cheeks heating. “Uh, I don’t know. I guess I was just thinking about how nice it would be to have my own place. I mean I know I have a single dorm room, but it’s still a building full of people.”

Understanding filled Wes’ eyes and Corey felt an awful squishy feeling inside that made it impossible to keep making eye contact. “Eh, I’d lived with him since I was like twelve, y’know?” Corey hadn’t known. “I guess I just wanted to be away and have my own space. I mean living there would’ve been fine if I hadn’t gotten the scholarship or if we couldn’t have afforded the dorms, but I did so I didn’t think twice about moving out.”

“That makes sense I guess.”

“Yeah. And, he’d already put his life on hold for me for long enough. I kind of hoped me moving out would get him living his life again.”

The teacher entered the room and started pulling stuff up for lecture. They both quieted to take notes, but as soon as class was over the conversation picked up like there hadn’t been an hour long pause.

“I think he’s still just living in the same routine that we had when I was living there. I don’t like it, but it’s his choice if he wants to start putting himself out there again.”

“And you’d be ok with him putting himself out there?”

Wes grinned at him. “Yeah. As long as he’s doing it with people his age and not mine.” Corey didn’t know what to say to that obvious rejection of Wes ever being ok with James and him being together. “Are you going to try going out again?” Wes asked when the silence stretched too long.

Corey appreciated the fact that Wes was careful to never say anything incriminating out loud. He kept things vague. “I don’t know.”

“Why don’t we go out Thursday? We can try some of the college bars this time and take advantage of thirsty thursday deals.”

Corey felt his shoulders tensing instinctively. “No. I just… I think I’m going to just put a freeze on this. I’ve lived like this for 21 years, I can do it for another one. When I’m out of college, I’ll, that’s when I’ll try again. Officially.”

Wes frowned at him. “Dude, I’d never seen you as excited, as at ease, as you were when you said you were going to do this for real. Just do it and get over with. The more you put yourself out there, the easier it will be.”

Corey shrugged as shame curled inside him. Wes was probably right. He just didn’t know how to explain that it wasn’t that easy. He couldn’t just do it. It wasn’t… He couldn’t… Corey forced down a swallow as a knot tightened his throat.

His happy mood from the morning was completely wiped away. Now all he felt was foolish. Idiotic. His thoughts sunk deeper into melancholy. His phone dinged. He fished it out of his pocket and felt a flush cross his cheeks.

James: Is it disorienting for you to get a blowjob when you’re Cora? Because if it’s not, then I have a favor to return.

“What’s got your cheeks so red?”

Corey jumped and locked his phone screen so the message couldn’t be seen. “Nothing. Just a little warm out is all.”

Wes gave him an odd look, but let the matter drop. “I’m going back to my hometown this weekend, but maybe next weekend we could go out together? There’s a couple legit LGBT bars in some of the cities nearby. I figure we could scout them out?”

“Maybe,” Corey hedged. “Why’re you going to your hometown?”

“Got some people to visit.”

Wes wasn’t usually so vague, so Corey was the one to let that subject drop. “I’ll let you know when I feel up to trying again, ok?”

They were at their dorm building now. Usually this was where they split. Wes didn’t like elevators and Corey was not about to climb all those stairs. Wes stopped though and Corey stopped with him. “I’m just trying to help you out. It’s in your court. I won’t bring it up again until you say something, all right?”

“Thank you.”

Wes grinned at him and tossed an arm around his shoulders in a quick hug. “No problem, bro. Now I’ve got a paper to finish, but lunch?”

“Yeah, I’ll text you.”

Wes waved him off and headed for the stairs. Corey pulled his phone back out as he waited for the elevator.

Corey: I’d love that.

James: What else do you want to do? I know what I want, but what about you?

Corey: I want anything that you’re willing to do with me.

The cheerful feeling from the morning slowly seeped it’s way back into Corey’s bones as he texted with James. He felt a little guilty not telling Wes but it’s not like James and him hooking up was going to affect Wes in any way so it was enough to ignore that little niggle in the back of his mind.