"You don't have to do this, I'm sure I can walk," Billie protested.
"It's fine, if you fall over again Lola will have my head," Dean replied.
Billie let out a single weak laugh as Dean pushed through the carriage doors on the now quiet train. He could hear the noise of the circus still going on outside, the heady smells of caramel and salted snacks wafting through an open window somewhere.
"It's this bunk right?" Dean asked stopping inside a small compartment and looking around. There wasn't an ounce of bare wall space, the entire thing was plastered in posters and various bits of paraphernalia, ticket stubs, route cards and circus arrival announcements.
"This is it, I'm top bunk," Billie replied, peering over Dean's biceps which were still cradling him.
"Not today you're not," Dean shook his head, lowering Billie to the bed below. "You got a cloth around here somewhere?"
Billie nodded and pointed him in the direction of a bowl of old water, a rag already floating in it. Dean sighed and fished the rag out, pressing it until it was just damp then brought it back over to Billie.
"Pretty sure I can take my own makeup off, big guy," Billie pouted, standing to snatch the rag from Dean but instead making himself spin backwards.
"Woah, shit!" Billie squeaked before Dean grabbed his shoulders to steady him.
"You're still concussed, now sit the hell down," Dean growled.
Billie's face fell as he collapsed back against the mattress with a defeated expression. Dean huffed guiltily, it wasn't really Billie he was angry at - it was Salvatore.
"I can't believe I messed up the routine," Billie murmured quietly, turning his face away from Dean towards the wall.
Dean let out a long breath before looking over to what Billie was staring at. It was an old black and white photograph of a woman riding an elephant. The picture was grainy and spotted with age but Dean could see the woman's curled dark hair, the twinkle in her eyes. There was something undeniably familiar about her.
"Are you related?" Dean asked, frowning at the photo.
Billie shifted to look back round at Dean, his eyes were wet again. "Yeah...yeah that's my mama." Billie sniffed, untacking the picture from the wall and handing it to Dean, "That bull she's on? He was called Sergiusz and he was bigger than any other circus bull anyone had ever seen!"
Billie rubbed at his eyes, "The man to the right, the one standing beside them...you can't really see him because the photo got damaged there...but that's my papa." Billie swallowed, "He was a bull-trainer, that's how he met my mama and they fell in love."
Dean looked hard at the yellowed stain where he could just make out the narrow frame of a man stood next to the elephant. One of the man's hands was still clearly shown, resting against the animal's neck.
"You grew up in the circus?" Dean asked, handing the photograph back to Billie.
"Yeah," Billie breathed. "It's my entire life."
"The fall wasn't your fault," Dean insisted quickly, but Billie turned to him with a small sad smile.
"Don't think Salvatore will see it that way, but thanks."
Dean nodded and reached forwards with the damp rag, his other hand cupping around Billie's chin to steady him as he wiped away the orange makeup.
Some of the trails of moisture running down Billie's cheeks he didn't think were from the cloth but he chose not to mention it. Dean simply wiped them away along with the face paint.
"What's your story?" Billie sighed, closing his eyes and leaning back after Dean had finished. "Where do you come from, White?"
Dean smiled, "A small town in Ohio."
"You ever go see the circus before you snuck into this one?" Billie grinned as Dean let out a laugh,
"Yeah, twice."
"And?" Billie made a waving gesture with his hands, "Did you like it?"
Dean closed his eyes, breathing deeply before resting his back against the side of the bunk from where he was sat on the floor. "Yes and no."
Dean paused as he felt Billie's expectant eyes on him, "It was captivating, sure, magical almost but something...maybe something felt a little bit frightening - like I could get lost there, swept away by it all? I remember holding so tightly to my mom's hand that she complained. If I didn't I was worried I'd lose her amongst all the colour and lights."
Dean sighed and opened his eyes, "Which is strange given that now, that's where I've been seeing her again. I spot something in the circus and I keep getting these flashes of memory, like her buying me popcorn or going to see the clown show."
"I get that," Billie smiled softly at him. "My mama's there too - in the colour and the lights."
Dean nodded and breathed out slowly, his eyes suddenly catching on the way Billie was chewing his lip, worrying the plump pink skin between his teeth and reddening it.
Dean leant across before he could stop himself, resting the pad of his thumb on Billie's lip and pulling it down before Billie could make it bleed.
"Don't do that," Dean murmured softly, his thumb instinctively sliding across Billie's open mouth.
Billie froze beneath his touch, his eyes widening and before Dean could realise what was happening Billie had bobbed his head forward, taking Dean's thumb between his lips and into his mouth.
Dean gasped as he felt the other boy's tongue lap gently at his calloused skin before he hollowed his cheeks and ever so cautiously, sucked down into the heat and wetness.
"Billie!" Juan's voice came crashing through the carriage. Billie's mouth dropped open in shock as Dean jerked his hand back, taking a trail of saliva with him.
A second later, Juan slid open the door noisily and bundled into their bunk compartment. His face was contorted with an anxious expression,
"Billie! Are you okay?"
Billie seemed to suddenly snap out of his daze and his mouth curved into a wide smile from the surprised 'o' it had been a moment before.
"Yeah I'm nifty," Billie grinned up at his friend. "Sorry to leave you flying solo there buddy."
Juan snorted before shaking his head and coming to sit down next to them, "You gave me such scare, the last thing I wanted to do was carry on without checking on you but you know..."
"Salvatore," Dean and Billie finished at the same time.
"Yeah," Juan nodded grimacing, "Don't worry though - I think we managed to cover it pretty well - that whole Dean being a wolf-man story fit in nicely!"
Billie snorted and batted Dean's shoulder but it was obvious that the younger boy was avoiding looking him in the eye.
Dean felt his heart clench before standing up. "I should get going," Dean announced. "Feel better soon Billie."
"Er...yeah, thanks for catching me," Billie swallowed, there was a crimson flush spreading across his cheeks making it look like he was still wearing traces of face paint.
Dean nodded curtly before exiting the bunk room, pausing outside briefly to listen to Juan telling Billie how the rest of the acts had gone and how Anita had stood up on top of her horse whilst shooting an arrow at a target held up by Henry.
It sounded like the rest of the performers had really pulled out all the stops in order to cover for the screw up with Billie.
Five minutes later, Dean walked back down the train from Billie and Juan's compartment towards his own, it was empty when he arrived.
Henry was probably still in the arena and Walter would still have hours of work ahead of him as a circus roustabout clearing up after the crowds.
Dean sighed as he leant back on his own moth eaten mattress. His mind kept flashing to the way Billie had swayed up on that bar, the sheer panic that had flooded Dean's system as he ran forwards, praying that he wouldn't be too late.
And that business with his thumb? Dean shook his head, he couldn't start to let his imagination run wild. Just because Billie was a circus kid didn't necessarily mean he would be more understanding than the rest of the world when it came to Dean's...tendencies.
Viv knew, of course. She had caught him with a farmer's son a year back in Nevada. His name had been Steven and he hadn't been Dean's first. Viv being Viv, she had shrugged and merely suggested that next time they do it somewhere more private than the grain barn.
Dean knew he would be putting them both in danger if someone found out so he had called it off with Steven and a few days later him and Viv were on the road again anyway.
"I'll always love you little brother," Viv had whispered one night as they caught a ride on the back of a coal train, stroking swirling patterns into his arm. "And mom would too, I think she knew anyway."
Dean had shut his eyes to stop the tears from coming, pretending to be asleep. They never talked about it again but Dean knew what he needed to, Viv wouldn't judge him, but others would.
Dean wondered if Billie would judge him? If he would be disgusted? It was okay in a circus for a man to wear makeup and a leotard, but to be the person lusting after that man?
Dean wasn't so sure.
Pushing the nagging thoughts to the back of his mind, he slid a hand down below the waist band of his trousers and began to quickly stroke himself to full hardness. It didn't take long, not with Billie's saliva still wetting his thumb and the phantom heat of the younger boy's mouth in his mind.
He imagined what might have happened had Juan not come in at that moment - would Billie have sucked him deeper? Would he perhaps have opened his mouth wider, allowing for more fingers to stretch his lips. Tightly sucking at the skin, his tongue dragging them further into the wet warmth of his mouth.
Dean imagined Billie's teeth just nicking the top of Dean's knuckle as he pushed further in.
Perhaps Dean would have added another and it would have been too much - Billie would have let out a small moan of protest and Dean would have leaned forwards and kissed an apology against reddened, used lips.
Dean’s newly wetted hand easing the slide of Billie's leotard over pale, smooth skin to reveal what Dean longed to see, to touch.
Dean knew how Billie would look under that stretched silver fabric, no amount of sequins could distract from the curve of his ass, the dips of his toned muscles. What Dean didn't know however, but he was desperate to, was whether there were more constellations of freckles peppering the skin below the costume?
Whether there would be a trail of hair, dark like the ones on the younger boy's head, inviting him downwards to take Billie's cock in his hand. Thick and ready and waiting, growing plump in his circled fingers.
Dean let out a gasp as his own dick hardened further and he jerked it to the rhythm of his fantasy.
He pictured Billie's face, tipped back with smudges of makeup still pressed across his cheekbones. His eyelashes fluttering, his mouth falling open with a breathy moan as he found release in the pumps of Dean's eager hand.
Dean's breath stuttered as he orgasmed, coming across the sheets of his bunk. He lay there for a moment, sated and calm before sighing as he pulled his trousers back up from where they had slipped down over his hip bones. He eyed the mess on his bed with a frown before going to fetch a rag to clean up.
He guessed there had to be some secrets, even in the circus.
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