Yvie didn't know how to react to this realization. She had never felt jealousy in her life. Just like anger was something new to her, the boiling and burning feeling smashing together against her, was unpleasant and uncomfortable.
Not being able to handle her own feelings or thoughts made her feel helpless and alone. But when she thought about Aqua, the very being that had given her a moment of true happiness, this got overpowered by the greed of wanting more.
'I just want magic, too…' Yvie hissed sadly, wanting to scream it, but as she had no vocal cords, she couldn't, and it just became a sad whisper inside her mind. A whisper that was heard by her guide.
"You ARE magic!" The Lizard shrieked annoyed. Not being able to see that Yvie wasn't even complaining half as much as itself, it got tired of her whining.
"Unlike the liar, you are much more powerful, if only you'd listen to what I have to say!" The Lizard sounded convincing, as it was convinced itself. It had no doubt that it had all of the answers, and Yvie just had to want them. She didn't even have to ask, she just had to listen.
Yvie was a bit doubtful at this. It was like her very morals got tested. Wouldn't her entire journey be a waste, if she decided to listen to the Lizard like this? Wasn't it wrong to have fought against it, only to give up and hear the story?
As she mulled over her options, her instinct grew within her, telling her it would be a mistake to give in. But her jealousy, feeding from insecurity she didn't know she had, competed with her instinct, clouding her mind.
Yvie was at a loss. She didn't know what to do. What feeling to listen to.
"Just listen to me" The Lizard said, easily persuading her doubt in its favor, as it felt like it could finally do its duty. Like it was finally fulfilling its mission.
'Okay…' Yvie gave in. Her instinct faded as the jealousy swallowed her whole. She didn't know what to do. It wasn't the first time she was being overpowered by an unfamiliar feeling. Like the madness she had experienced at the beach, where she lost herself entirely, she felt out of control.
Not being able to think clearly, it was easier to comply. To go with whatever someone else decided. Yvie didn't feel like anything she decided would be fine. Nothing would be right. If she could feel this powerfully about not having magic, even though she deeply cared for Aqua, who had said magic, how could she be left in charge of knowing what was really good for her?
Her mother might have had a point. Controlling her every move. Knowing what was best for her.
'Maybe this really is a curse…' She hissed at the Lizard, who was impatiently waiting to get some attention.
"It's not a curse. Just listen to me!" The Lizard said, tired of having all the answers, but nobody willing to listen to it.
'Maybe everything I ever did was wrong' Yvie hissed at the Lizard again, feeling small.
"Get yourself together! It is okay to be jealous!" The Lizard yelled, as loudly as its small body could bear. It had gotten past the feeling of annoyance, having entered some dormant anger that was lying around, as it was tired of being constantly ignored, and treated like an inconvenience.
'But how can I be jealous of someone I like?' Yvie pleaded, as it didn't make sense to her. If she liked someone, and they had something she liked, shouldn't she just be happy for them?
"Isn't it EXACTLY because you like them you are jealous?" The Lizard said, not entirely sure of its answer, but it was an answer none the less. Currently the most important thing was to get her to listen, and stop whining about unimportant matters.
'I… don't know…' Yvie admitted after a moment of thought. Even though the answer from the Lizard didn't strike a chord with her, it still felt somewhat out of place. Enough out of place, to get her back to her senses. How easy it was to spiral into despair, Yvie concluded, as she slowly tried to gather pieces of herself back together.
'Being jealous doesn't mean I dislike a person, then?' She asked, having figured out the answer the second she finished the sentence, but still being a bit in a jealous daze, and needing it to be confirmed out loud.
"Exactly! Now, about my story –" The Lizard started, but Yvie cut it off.
'I don't want to hear it' She concluded as she felt refreshed. Not only did she become jealous, she had also experienced despair. Heavy emotions weighing her down, as she wasn't sure how to handle them. But simply being able to have someone listen to her worries had somehow helped. Even with that someone being a useless Lizard.
'I think I finally found a name for you' Yvie hissed with an internal smile, as she couldn't help but feel a bit thankful to the little animal that she had made accompany her.
'It was a good decision to bring it along after all…' She thought as she awaited a sign of interest from the Lizard in the name she had come up with. However, the Lizard currently didn't care one bit about that. It went into a direct rage, throwing a tantrum in the water, as it once again was ignored.
'I promise to listen to your story once we find land…' Yvie hissed, as she felt a bit bad about the situation, once seeing the Lizard's reaction. She had known from the start that all it wanted to do was telling the story.
'The story with all the answers…' Yvie thought in a melancholic tone, as she wasn't all that ready to have her destiny decided for her, as she felt like the story would do. But the guilty feeling had been nagging at her, and after finding herself appreciating it a bit, she couldn't go back to completely ignoring the wishes it had. Even if that meant hearing something she wouldn't like to hear.
'Really?' The Lizard immediately stopped splashing angrily around as it heard this promise. As Yvie nodded, she noticed how the Lizard seemed sort of… happy? A warm feeling spread inside of her as well, completely purging out the jealousy and despair that still lingered, as she felt all of the unease about hearing the story disappear.
'Maybe it's not so bad to do something for others, even though I don't like it myself…' She pondered, as the Lizard swam over to her and kept asking if she meant it this time. For each confirmation it seemed happier and happier, which in turn made the warm feeling inside of Yvie grow stronger and stronger.
'This might not be so bad…" Yvie concluded, as the Lizard got excited about finding land.
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