My mom told me that you should keep quiet when arriving at a house that belongs to someone with a new baby, so I knock very softly, skip ringing the bell. There’s no response from within, and I realize that no one could possibly have heard that. I’ll just send a text.

Before I can even get my phone out of my pocket, Noah opens the door, letting out a wave of warmth. Thank god, honestly. My face and hands are freezing. Why did I walk here? I really need to remember that I’m not the one with temperature control.

I do like walking around Ketterbridge at night, though, especially in the winter. There’s something about the glow of golden light in the windows, spilling out onto the snow. The snow itself, melting into the cracks in the sidewalks, crunching beneath my boots. The way every noise sounds muffled and far away, like you’re listening to the town with your ear pressed against a closed door.

And, of course, it feels really good to step into the cozy warmth of a house, afterwards.

The jaws of the tattooed snow leopard part in a silent roar as Noah unfolds his arm. He presses his hand to one side of the doorframe, then leans his shoulder against the other, blocking me from coming in.

So I stay on the step.

“Hey, man!” I say brightly, stuffing my hands in my pockets. “It’s been a few days, and the group chat’s been quiet, so I thought I’d - stop by and…” My sentence trails off as soon as I get a better look at him. “Um. Are you okay?”

Noah’s grey eyes are dark and cold, like chips of stone. The skin around them is shadowy, bruised with exhaustion. Everywhere else, the paleness of his face is startling. It sharpens the lines of every single tattoo there.

“I’m fine,” he says.

If they gave awards for the world’s least convincing statement, this would be a finalist, for sure. As if I can’t see the tension in his jaw, the downward curve of his mouth.

At least this explains why he doesn’t want to let me in the house. Much like Aiden, Noah finds ways to be alone when he’s going through something.

The difference is, solitude is actually helpful to Aiden.

Being around people who care about him - that’s what usually seems to help Noah. I don’t think he shuts people out because he genuinely prefers to be alone. He does it because he doesn’t want anyone to know that he’s feeling vulnerable.

An understandable thing to be hardwired into him, after years of living with Ralph. Regardless, I’m not about to turn around and go.

I lean against the doorframe, forcing Noah to drop his hand. “Where’s everyone else?”

“Follow up doctor’s appointment for Mel and Nik,” he says stiffly, folding his arms over his chest. “Raj is with them.”

“Oh, you didn’t want to go? Probably be helpful for you to know what’s going on with their health, too, wouldn’t it?”

“Yeah, I tried.” Noah glances away, like he’s trying to hide what I might see in his eyes. “They - wouldn’t let me.”

I’m so startled by this that my head jerks back. “What? Raj and Mel-?”

“No, they wanted me to come. The doctor’s office wouldn’t let me. It’s family only for that kind of appointment, I guess. Just like the hospital.” Noah fidgets with his lip piercing, still avoiding my eyes. “They’re pretty strict about it. Melanie gave them hell on the phone, it didn’t make a difference. I told her it wouldn’t, but she didn’t listen to me.”

Oh, no.

My heart sinks. After everything Raj and Mel have done to bring Noah in close, he’s been made to feel surplus again. And this time by complete strangers. No wonder he’s so upset.

“Well - fuck those people!” I blurt out, before I can stop myself.

The ghost of a smile rises on Noah’s face, but it falls away quickly. He shrugs, rubbing his arm.

“It’s fine. Whatever. Could use some quiet, anyways. Which is why it’s such an unpleasant surprise to find you here, of all people.”

Scowling at him, I open my mouth to say something snippy, but bite it back at the last minute.

He’s hurting, I remind myself. It’s only because he’s hurting.

“So what, you want me to leave?” I ask.

His grey eyes narrow in an irritated kind of way. “Is that not obvious?”

My scowl deepens, and I step closer to Noah. He takes an automatic step back, giving me a narrow window of opportunity.

I dart into the house and quickly shut the door.

“So, I would leave, but I’m already inside,” I tell Noah, pulling off my boots. “And look at that, now I’ve got my shoes off, so it would be pretty rude of you to kick me out-”

“For fuck’s sake, Jamie!”

“Oh, and now my jacket is hung up, too - or it will be in a sec - one sec - okay, there we go. Looks like I’m here, doesn’t it?”

Noah lets out the world’s deepest, longest sigh, pressing his palms over his eyes. He turns on his heel and leads the way to the kitchen, casting a resentful look at me over his shoulder. I meet it with a wide smile, and he rolls his eyes.

“Should have checked the doorbell cam,” he mutters. "Or just not answered the door."

He steps behind the kitchen counter, and I stop on the other side. My gaze immediately snags on something troubling: a single pill, sitting out on the countertop.

I lean forward, but Noah picks it up before I can read the imprint or get a look at the shape.

I watch in stunned silence as he pops it into his mouth.

I’m so completely, totally caught off guard. I just stand there, staring blankly at Noah, who turns and pulls the fridge open like nothing happened.

“Dude!” I finally manage. “What the fuck are you doing?”

Noah emerges from the fridge, a frosty bottle of water in his hand. “Hm? What do you mean?”

He hasn’t swallowed the pill yet - it’s still in his mouth - but he easily talks around it, letting it ride on his tongue, then stopping it against his teeth. A skill that comes from years of experience with all kinds of different tablets and capsules. Aiden can do it, too.

“What do you mean, what do I mean?” I ask heatedly. “I thought you quit the heavy shit? You’ve got a baby in the house, man!”

Noah looks confused, but then some realization dawns on his face. He lets out a little laugh, swallows the pill, and takes a sip of water.

“It’s a fucking Ibuprofen, Jamie. Relax.”

“Oh.” I can't disguise the relief in my voice. “Sorry, it’s just - pretty much every other time I’ve seen you pop a pill-”

“You’re fine.” Noah chuckles again, flapping his hand at me. “Seriously.”

I can tell that he means it, and a second wave of relief hits me.

“So - Ibuprofen?” I ask.

“Yeah.” Noah reaches back and massages his shoulder through his cotton t-shirt, wincing. “I’m a little sore. Been getting - weird sleep, I guess.”

I make a sympathetic noise. “Life with a brand new baby, huh?”

“No. I mean, yes, but it’s not that. We’re actually doing okay getting sleep, having three of us around to look after Nik.”

Noah rubs his eyes, then takes another sip of water. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen him drink water, and I’m tempted to make a comment, but this doesn’t feel like the right time.

“Don’t get me wrong, this is a lot of work,” he continues. “I have no idea how anyone can do this with only one other person to help.”

“Seriously. And some people do this alone."

“I know.” Noah shakes his head, his grey eyes disbelieving. “Anyone who can do that is fucking legend. A legend.”

He puts the water bottle back in the fridge, and I take a moment to look around. I didn’t notice when I first came in, but I’ve never seen the house this messy. There are piles of dishes around the sink, pillows knocked off of the couch, a stack of documents from the hospital scattered on the kitchen counter. There’s so much laundry laying around that Roger would probably call it a fire hazard.

My compulsion to help out gets the best of me, and I can’t sit on my hands.

There’s an empty hamper on the ground, tipped over on its side. I drag it upright, then start gathering up the scattered laundry.

“So why aren’t you sleeping, if it’s not because of Nik?” I ask Noah. “Something going on?”

I already know what’s keeping him up at night, and I’m not going to push him to talk about it, but you know. Little nudges.

“You really don’t have to do that,” Noah says, watching tiredly as I drop more clothes into the hamper. “I’ve got it.”

“And you’re telling me to relax. Why don’t you relax? Didn’t you say you were looking forward to a moment of quiet?”

“Yep, until you rolled up and shattered that dream.”

“I can be quiet, okay?” I lower my volume until my voice is just above a whisper. “See?”

Noah laughs again, an incredulous look on his face.

“Love how your idea of being quiet is to just keep fuckin’ talking, but quieter than you were before.”

I stick my tongue out at him, then proceed to shut up.

Whatever. I’ll just be here for him silently, then. I can do that.

“Nah, it’s alright,” he adds, after a moment. “You’re here, may as well talk.”

“Okay, you know what, man?” I let out a deep sigh, straightening up. “If you really want me to go, I’ll go.”

Noah hesitates, then shrugs, like he couldn’t care less. “S’fine. Stay, if you want.”

Something warm stirs in the depths of my stomach. I’m happy that he does want me to stay, after all. I was starting to think that I’d read the situation all kinds of wrong.

I bend down to grab another handful of laundry, then realize that the hamper is already full. It’s almost overflowing, actually, but somehow I’ve barely made a dent in the mess.

Well. One thing at a time.

I was here when Noah and Raj installed the washer and dryer, so I know where to find them. I go to the closet where they’re stored, pull the door open. The washing machine is filled up with damp clothes waiting to be moved over, and the dryer is full, too.

I dump the hamper out on the floor, then start piling the clean dry clothes into it.

“Jesus, you guys must have your hands full."

Noah is watching me from the kitchen, resting his elbows on the counter. “You don’t know the half of it, bro.”

I turn to look at him, biting the inside of my cheek, suddenly worried that I overstepped at the hospital.

“Noah… I know I said that you should be here for Raj, Mel, and Nik, but - if this is too much for you-”

“No, man, I’m glad you did.” For the first time since I got here, Noah smiles. A real smile, dimpled and warm and genuine. “Nik is a lot of work, yeah, but - she’s the best. She’s so fucking wowed by like, everything. She just stares at you like you’re the most interesting thing in the world.” He breaks into a full-on grin. “And I can’t stop laughing at her cranky face. Which is still a thing, by the way.”

I match his smile, then get back to work shifting the damp clothes into the dryer. “So - no regrets about this?”

“No, honestly,” he yawns. “Wouldn’t trade Nik for anything. Not even a Lambo with flamethrowers instead of headlights.”

I stop again, staring at him. “Is that - something you want?”

“Duh, yeah. Doesn’t everyone want that? Who wouldn't want that?”

“Um - I don’t think - wouldn’t the tires melt, if-? Okay, nevermind. I’m not even gonna grace that with a response.” I press the start button on the dryer, shaking my head. “Anyways. Sounds like you and Nik are bonding.”

Noah shambles into the living room, his shoulders drooping. He flops down onto the couch and stretches out on his back, yawning even more deeply than before.

“Yeah, I guess we are,” he says. “I don’t know.”

I leave both machines humming, then take the clean clothes into the living room and sit down on the couch by Noah’s feet. He bends his knees to make room for me.

“Aiden is gonna swing by when he’s done with work, if that's okay. We’ve got something for you. For you, Mel, and Raj, actually. Consider it a baby shower gift, extremely super late.”

“Mkay,” Noah mumbles. His dark hair has fallen around face, and I can’t see his expression. “Except - why is it for me, if it’s a baby shower gift?”

Because she’s your baby, too, I nearly answer, and catch myself just in time.

“It just is,” I say firmly. “What, you don’t want a present?”

Noah waves a hand at me, but doesn’t answer. He looks so exhausted. I bite my lip, thinking.

Aiden says that my constant chattering can be a helpful distraction, sometimes. If Noah can’t sleep because he has too much on his mind…

I fall into my natural rhythm, and just start to talk.

“So, listen to this, Noah. We had a customer at the flower shop yesterday who said he needed a cactus, any cactus, and that it was an emergency? I’ve been wondering what constitutes a cactus emergency pretty much ever since, and I have some theories I’d like to share.”

Noah seems annoyed at first, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers, but he doesn’t tell me to shut up. So I keep going, talking and talking, folding at the same time.

I reach the bottom of the hamper, fade into silence, and look over at him. He hasn't said anything for a while.

“Noah?”

No response. He’s asleep, his chest rising and falling slowly, his breathing evening out.

Someone knocks softly on the door. As quietly as I can, I get to my feet and pad over to open it up.

I thought it would be Raj, Mel, and Nik, but it’s Aiden and Ripley.

“Hey,” Aiden says warmly, then blinks in surprise as I put a finger to my lips.

“Sleeping,” I explain, in a whisper.

“Nik?” Ripley whispers back.

“Noah, actually.”

I step back into the house to let Aiden and Ripley inside. They both stop, taking in the mess. Their eyes travel to Noah, where he’s deeply asleep on the couch.

“I’m glad you guys are here,” I whisper, as they hang up their jackets. “Ripples, do you want to start on the dishes?”

“Yep, I’m all over it.”

Aiden is getting his Timbs pulled off; they make a faint thumping sound when they hit the floor. Noah’s body jerks suddenly on the couch, and he blinks awake.

“Is it my turn?” He hastily sits up on his elbows, rubbing his closed eyes. “I’ve got it. I’m going. Coming, Nik.”

“Nope, you’re all good,” I tell him quickly. “We’ve got it, go back to sleep.”

Disoriented and only partially awake, Noah nods, lets out a sleepy breath, and rolls onto his side.

Ripley is already in the kitchen. He glances over at me when he opens the dishwasher to find it already full.

“Um. I’ll just - run this, and use the dishrack for the rest, then?”

I give him a thumbs-up, then turn back to Aiden.

“Hey - can you keep it warm in here if I shut off the heat and open the windows for a bit? I think some fresh air would go a long way.”

“Sure.” Aiden glances over at Ripley, then turns his snapback to face forward. “What else can I do?”

“Well, something definitely spilled on the coffee table, we could start with that. I’ll help, I’m just gonna put these clothes upstairs.”

Aiden nods, pulling down the brim of his snapback, his blue eyes starting to glow. “Sounds like a plan.”

We fan out, and get to work.

And Noah sleeps soundly through it all.