DEAN'S PERSPECTIVE
I woke up with someone caressing my hair. I opened my eyes and found myself scooped in someone's warm embrace. I lifted my gaze and saw Grey watching at me intently. His eyes were fixed on my face as he slowly greeted me "Good morning."
I found myself greeted him back and then I realized that I am actually leaning on his chest that explains the slow ups and downs. And the soft erratic thugs were actually his heartbeats.
Wait. What? Did I sleep on his chest last night?
I moved away only to find out further that I can't since he was embracing me tightly, his legs were intertwined with mine. And I blushed at the realization. I could actually feel his legs against mine.
And I could feel something down there underneath the blankets, it was hot and protruding against my thighs.
I turned scarlet.
I pushed him away and stood up.
He stretched first with a yawn letting me saw his muscles flex especially his biceps.
I looked away. I am getting scared of the feeling that suddenly enveloped me right then. That very familiar warm feeling of admiration.
I shouldn't. I just can't.
I felt him stood up. "What's your plan for the day?"
"Doing school stuff, I guess." I answered meekly, trying to end the conversation and to get him out of my room because of the stupid sensation that chokes me.
"Well, see you then..." He said as he ran a hand at his head.
Damn, why does he look so good when he does that? Why does he look so good at everything he does?
Uh. Shit. I have to get him out here fast.
"Uh. Sure." I mumbled and draw a timid smile on my face.
He turns toward the door and was about turn the knob, but he stopped and turned around.
"By the way, thanks for letting me sleep here last night. I had a good sleep." He winked at me.
I blinked, a little taken aback by what he just said.
Uh. What am I thinking? It was just a praise and thanks... No more. There's no reason to think the other way.
"Nah. I should be the one to be thanking you..." I looked at him as I bit my lower lip. "...for everything that you have done."
He flashed his playful grin. "No worries, as long as it concerns you, I’ll do everything."
He really does know how to play with words.
Don't hope too much. I warned myself.
I flashed a smile at him. "I-I had a good sleep too."
"That's good to hear." His smile got even wider. "So, see you at school." He winked and swaggered out the door leaving me with faltered breath with the beauty I just saw.
It's making me confused. I should stop this. I should stop this at once.
I should stop or I will fall in love and I will be regretting it in the end.
Maybe the best way to do it is to avoid him.
...
Everybody fell silent when the door of the cafeteria opened and showed Grey. The girls literally gasped and giggled upon seeing him.
He stopped at the doorway for a second and searched the room. When his gaze landed on
our table, he smiled and headed straight at us.
Pamela then giggled and elbowed me gently on my side. She was actually teasing me about Grey a while ago insisting that Grey must be head over heels on me which I basically shrug off.
I don't believe it. But something inside me seems to be happy upon the thought of Grey being in love with me.
I discarded the thought. Just then I remembered my plan of avoiding him.
As he approached the table, I looked down, averting my eyes from him or else I would drool.
Just when he sat down on the chair opposite mine, I stood.
"I remembered I still have something to attend to. Excuse me." I lied and hoped it was a good one so that nobody would suspect.
"Aw come on, I just came here and yet you're going already." Grey said playfully.
I just smiled and walked away.
Nice move Dean now just keep it going.
Somehow, I have managed to avoid him for the whole day, but I have to keep on thinking on excuses because I am running out of alibis.
A doorbell broke the silence of our house and I looked through the window to find who could it be and I saw Grey's figure.
He pressed the doorbell again.
"Coming." I overheard mom shouted.
I literally scurried out of my room and ran downstairs and saw mom wiping her wet hands as she walks toward the door.
"Mom, Grey's on the door."
"Oh. Then what are you doing? Open it." She said then turned to go back to the kitchen.
But I caught her. "No. I can't show myself to him. Please tell him that I'm already asleep."
She narrowed her eyes at me.
Then I flashed her with my pleading look.
She shook her head from exasperation. And she went towards the door.
I smiled.
"Oh, hi Grey. Dean says he's asleep" Were my very good mother's words.
I slapped my forehead. "Crap." I muttered under my breath.
"Oh. Is that so? It's fine. Just tell him I visited."
I overheard Grey said.
I let out a sigh of relief.
...
"Good morning." Were his words the next day as he leaned on his Saab with his hands crossed on his chest.
I was out of words. He really has waited for me to come out.
"Hi." I answered so as not to make it obvious.
"Well, you going to school?" He asked...playfully.
"Uh. yeah."
"Well hop in." he said, motioning to his flashy wheels.
"I think I had to pass. I feel like walking towards the campus. Besides, it's not that far." I said and then started walking.
"I think you're right." He announced.
I posed a questioning look towards him.
"I think it's better to walk and besides it's really not that far. I'll walk with you." He said casually.
He's stubborn alright.
We walked towards the school. He did all the talking. I remained silent. I really have to distance myself from him fast. His proximity is sending shivers through my body.
And this goofy feeling every time he smiles, chuckles and do something that concerns me, uh, it warms my heart. My stupid heart.
"Hey careful." He grabs my elbow using his right hand pulling me towards him. Actually, pulling me than necessary causing me to trip over ending on his arms.
I was so taken deep into thinking that I hadn't realized I was about to cross
I could hear the blinding beats of my heart. Just even the touch of his hands feels different now. The feeling seems intense than before.
I tried all my might to get out from his tight embrace.
I fidgeted at the sound of his chuckle when he released me.
I rolled my eyes. I guess Grey will always be Grey. Arrogant, intimidating and...
and...
Ugh. Damn gorgeous.
And here I am falling in love with him.
What did I just say? I take it back.
I'm not falling in love with him.
I'm not.
As soon as the walk signal blinked, I ran as fast as I could, leaving him behind.
I reached the school, panting. I decided not to go to any of my classes because I would surely see him there. Which would make me more confuse.
I headed straight at the office of The VOYAGER.
I'm thankful for being one of the editors and have the power to possess a key. I unlocked the office and locked it when I got inside.
I sighed. I need to pacify myself, my heart especially.
I tried to take Grey out of mind making myself busy to anything just to have the thoughts about him go away.
But when I opened the computer on my cubicle, it shouts the same as my heart...
GREY
The wallpaper reminded me of him. It was our picture together during the lantern festival.
Sighing, I shoved the pile of articles to be proofread and slumped on the couch.
I closed my eyes, frustrated. Why can't I just forget about Grey and his stupid gestures, his masculine voice, his warm chuckles, his knee weakening smiles, his curly, sandy hair, and his eyes, those two Grey balls that seems to tell me something...something I should know.
Sigh.
I laid there. Staring blankly at the ceiling, contemplating of what had happened for the past months since Grey moved in the neighborhood and into my life.
...
If my hand hadn't slip away from my stomach and didn't hit the floor, I wouldn't have been able to wake up and realized that I have fallen asleep.
I wiped the sleep away from my eyes and sat up. Then I noticed a box above the piled of articles I shove earlier in the center table.
I swear it was not there before I fell asleep.
Being curious, I lifted the lid of the box.
And indeed, curiosity killed the cat.
I let out a high-pitched traumatic scream when I saw the contents of the box.
"Caterpillars!" I shrieked and pushed the box away but to my horror, the contents spilled.
I was wide eyed shock of the result of my actions. Suddenly, I felt all the hairs around my body stood up at the sight of the tiny horrible creatures creeped at anything they landed into.
I felt that all of them are creeping towards me.
I stood up and ran on a corner, horrified.
Just then, I heard a soft chuckle coming from the door.
"I can't believe you haven't recovered yet with your fears of caterpillars."
Grey sat and picked up the spilled caterpillars on the floor, putting them back on the box.
When he picked the last one, he put it in his palms and the sight of it crawling and twisting against his hand is enough to give me more goosebumps.
He stretched it out to me. "You want?" Then he eased closer on my position in the corner. Though he asked it innocently, the hint of a suppressed amusement on his lips is obvious enough for someone to notice.
"Don't you dare." I warned him.
And there it is, the suppressed laugh finally came out.
Ugh.
He put the last caterpillar in the box and closed the lid. "There, they won't bother you anymore." He said as he tucks away the box on the table.
I heaved out a deep breath of relief and when all my adrenaline drained, my knees wobbled and I found myself sitting on the floor, embracing my knees.
I used to do this when I'm scared.
Grey's warm hands cupped my face and thumbed away the tears that I haven't even noticed.
"I'm sorry. It was an awful joke, actually." He apologized.
His eyes were telling me he's sincere.
When I saw his face, something flashed before me.
De javu!
This had happened before.
I just don't remember when.
He smiled. "Let me make it up to you." He stood up and stretched his hand for me.
I ignored it and stood on my own.
I heard him sigh.
"Let's go." He said enthusiastically.
He can really change his emotions fast.
"Where?" I asked.
"Just trust me on this." He said and took hold of my left elbow and guided me out of the office.
We were walking silently.
Awkward.
"How did you know that I'm afraid of caterpillars?"
He looked at me. "I just know."
We arrived at the parking lot. I saw his Saab.
Wait. He didn't bring it right?
I looked at him questioningly.
He smiled. "I took it since you ran away."
Yeah, he was smiling but I don't know if it was just me or did I really notice a hint of pain in his voice.
"Come inside." He said.
So much for avoiding him.
We arrived at some botanical garden that I don't even know of.
He led me inside.
I remained silent as I tried not to notice his every move.
"Here we go." He announced.
We arrived at a garden. Basically, it's full of flowers arranged beautifully to complement with each other.
However, the most notable thing in there is the presence of butterflies of diverse colors fluttering around.
"You know, you shouldn't be afraid of caterpillars, they may look hideous and yeah, destructive but later, their real beauty arises...and they make up for the devastation that they have done. Look at the butterflies, they may look like just flying around but they're actually pollinating."
I rolled my eyes. I'm not that idiot for me not to know that.
I felt his right hand clasping my left.
I pulled it instantly.
I heard him sigh again. And it's as if my heart is being crumpled.
I reached for a butterfly and landed on my palm for a moment but then, it eventually flew away with another butterfly.
"Is that the only reason why you brought me here?" I asked surprised by how cold it sounded.
"Actually no."
"Then why did you bring me here?"
He grabs a hold of my shoulder and made me face him. "I want to have you to myself."
"And why is that?"
"Because I just want to."
I looked away and shook my head. "This is nonsense." I said and took away his hands on my shoulder.
I started on walking away from him, but he pulled me. This time, my face landed on his chest. I could hear his heartbeats.
"I get it. You're avoiding me. Why?" He rested his head on my shoulder and whispered, "Have I done something wrong?"
Though it's a whisper, I could still feel the painful emotion over it.
Damn, he's making this difficult.
I pushed him. "Stop it Grey." I said it when he embraced me tighter.
"Why? Am I that a nuisance to you?"
Hell no! I wanted to shout at him.
"Tell me Dean, why?"
"Because..." I faltered. Damn, I'm not gonna cry.
"Because what?" He pressed.
"Because I don't want you to do something for me anymore. I don't want to see you anymore."
His hands fell, shocked of my words.
"Why?" Were the only audible word I heard from him.
It pains me to see him that way, but I have to do this. I have to be strong.
"Because I just want to." I said and walked.
He pulled me back. His face dims. His jaws clenched.
"I know that's not the reason." He said firmly. "Tell me the real reason. And make sure it's worth it."
"You're making this hard."
"Just tell me the damn reason!"
"You want to know?" I glared at him. "I don't want to see you anymore because I'm sick of everything you do. I'm sick of the emotions inside me whenever you're with me. I'm sick of everything about you because it's making me fall in love with you."
"And what's wrong with that?" He asked.
"You're asking me what's wrong? Don't you get it Grey, I don't want to fall in love with you because I know I'll get hurt in the end. And what do you care anyway? You don't feel the same way about me!" I bellowed, almost breaking up.
"What makes you think that?"
"Because I'm gay and you're not. Even if we're together for now, I know that you will always find someone, and I'll be left devastated."
"I won't do that."
"You know this conversation is over. I don't want to see you anymore so just leave me alone."
I broke loose from his grip. I walked away from him without daring to look back.
My heart hurts like hell. I've definitely fallen in love with him, but I know, I'll get over him soon.
I have to.
...
GREY'S PERSPECTIVE
I watched him walk away. I loathed myself for being so coward. Why haven't I told him?
Why?
I love him so much and why the fuck did I felt so coward to tell him.
'I don't want to see you anymore so leave me alone!'
It keeps ringing inside my head.
And the most painful is
'I don't want to fall in love with you!'
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