I could hear my heart beats as he circumvented the sofa to face me. To my disadvantage, he squatted in front of me with his legs wide open, leaving me no space to move away. One thing's for sure, all this time, he knew.

I pretended and I laughed. "What are you talking about? I'm not playing anything or what."

My laugh ceased when I saw him staring intently at me with his tightened jaws. He's furious.

"Say it again." He said.

"I-I said I don't know what you were talking about." I said as I swallowed.

To my surprise, he grabbed my shirt and pushed me against the sofa. "Don't you dare lie to me!" He retorted.

I gasped at his sudden reaction. I'm cornered. Doomed!

"Why do you keep on denying me?" He asked.

I was too aghast with how painful and hurt it sounded. His blue eyes, glimmering as it stares mine. They were questioning, searching for answers.

"I-I really don't know what you were talking about." I repeated. My conscience is glaring at me right now. But I don't care, it's for his own good. Just like what I did before.

"Damn it Darryl!" He pushed me harder that his body weight seems to crush me against the sofa. "Stop pretending like you don't know me. You are making this too hard for both of us."

I smiled. How inconvenient as a lump has formed in my throat. "The Darryl you have known before has died seven years ago." I told him. "I'm not the same now."

"That's nonsense!" He snapped and without letting me talk any further, he claimed my lips.

His kiss was fierce and demanding. He pressed himself harder to me as his tongue forced its entrance and met mine. Although I am at the threshold of my limit that I have let him in.

I felt every move he does as a make up for the seven years that went. God, how I miss him. Too bad this isn't gonna last.

Before I lost self-control, before I find myself crying, I pushed him. "I didn't sign up for this." I told him.

He was breathing hard as he gave me one last look of pain and stood.

He turned his back and went towards the wine glass. When he turned to face me again, he was smiling. "So, you really did, have changed."

I swallowed. "I told you I did. But I'm sorry if I left." I said.

He took all of the content of his wine glass in just one gulp. "Tell me, why did you leave?"

I looked down. "My internship at that time is done so I left."

"I know the schedule of your internship, it was already one week since it ended but you still keep coming for me, what made you changed your mind?" He asked refilling his glass.

"I don't love you anymore." I said. I silently praised myself by how I said it so straightforward. But my insides are like a crumpled paper.

He chuckled which made me cringe. How could he still smile at that? "Actually, I was quite thankful that you left."

And this time I almost dropped from the sofa. "Y-you are?" I asked.

"Yes." He took a sip in his glass. "I found out that I cannot actually find my happiness with you. With your absence I have been able to think what I felt about you. For the last seven years, I have thought that I might just have mistaken it because of my hatred with you when you left. But when I kissed you just now, I don't feel the same spark. Actually, I feel nothing. Disgusted even."

Disgusted. Ouch.

"Well, that's good." I smiled. "We can go on with our lives and forget what has happened in the past." I told him. But deep within me, I know I'm being hypocrite.

"Yes." He said and handed me a glass of wine. "Let's toast to that."

I accepted it though I really want to go out now because I really...really wanted to cry. "Cheers." I said.

"Cheers." He said.

...

Right after I closed the door of his study behind me, the tears that I was suppressing has finally taken me over. It was the most painful thing that I ever heard from him.

'I feel nothing. Disgusted even.'

It keeps ringing on my ears.

"Disgusted huh?" I asked to myself as I made my way towards the room that I will be occupying alone.

Well, that's what I want right? To make him come into his senses? And now when he's finally made up his mind you cry? Idiot!

I'm like a lunatic right now. I just feel so hurt. Letting go of someone you love maybe painful but to hear from him the words that he didn't really have loved me is killing me inside.

Well I told him I didn't love him, which make us even. But it's not true.

"I still love you Blue, I still do." But I thought to myself, this is for the best. If I have submitted myself to him just now, I would've defeated the purpose and would've wasted all the effort and sacrifice that I have given for the past years.

After the kiss we just shared, I still felt his lips against mine. The kiss made me realize that my feelings didn't fade all these years.

Too bad, for him it was the other way around. Too bad he ceased loving me. If he even really loved me.

I curled on the bed and cried. At least he will finally live a happy life probably marry and have a child.

While I will still be his PA every day dying with jealousy.

....

It's 4:00 AM according to the digital clock beside my table which means that I have been shifting between sleeping and crying for seven hours now. But to me, it feels like an eternity.

I wiped the sides of my eyes which feel sticky with the tears that has almost dried up already. It's time to stop this nonsense drama.

I stood and felt a little wobbly because of lack of sleep. Yet I have to do my duty.

I groomed myself and felt determined to move on. I know it's never going to be easy because I will always see him; probably closer to him than most people.

I shook my head sideways to wave the thought away otherwise I'll end up with self pity.

I went down the kitchen to ready Blue's breakfast and coffee. But I met Lenor, the middle aged woman who take care of the house and the food supplies, as I made my way towards the dining room. I learned from her that Blue does not take breakfast in the kitchen but rather at a table beside the swimming pool.

When I finally saw him making way towards the table, I instantly felt the poignance of melancholy inside me.

I swallowed hard as he swaggered effortlessly. I silently reprimanded myself with what I was thinking.

He was fixing the collar of his polo shirt. His hair was damp and neatly arranged like a navy's that accented his blue eyes.

I looked away, pretending to check something on the planner that he has given me. When he was just a meter away from the table, I smiled at him as if nothing happened. I smiled as if there's no pain gnawing inside me.

"Good morning sir." I greeted him. Congratulations to myself for sounding so civil.

"morning." He answered in a much civil manner than I have mustered.

As he sat down, I felt a gush of wind brushed against me carrying his aftershave musk.

Darryl, calm yourself. One. Two. Three...

"Please sit down McKinley." His authoritative tone called. The same tone he used with Isadora last day.

"Thank you, sir." I answered and sat down. "Here's your schedule for today. At 8:30 you will be calling Ms. White for the approval of the budget of your Cancer Foundation. At 9:00 you will be having a meeting with the board of regents of the *** university as one of their stakeholders. At 12 will be your lunch with-"

I stopped when I saw him waved his hand as he sipped his coffee.

"Is anything wrong sir?" I asked.

"I want you to cancel all my appointments for today." He said and took a bite of his bacon.

"But all of these are important meetings to attend to especially with your lunch Mr. -"

"just do as I tell you McKinley. I don't ask for your opinion right now."

"Right. Sorry."

"I want you to reserve me a table at the *** restaurant. No, make it two tables make sure both are good for two people only. And order me a bouquet of roses. Red."

"Okay sir."

....

At eleven, we arrived at restaurant that I have reserved. He changed his attire with a checkered long-sleeved polo folded at elbow length. It was partnered with a white cargo jean and a high cut chuck Taylor. From a respected executive, he transformed into a dashing happy-go-lucky debonair.

He parked at the nearest parking space but my attention is on his face-

that handsome face of his.

"Is something wrong McKinley?" He asked as he turned the engine off then faced me.

I could see his lips. A little thin on the upper and a little supple on the lower. I slightly bit my lower lip as I remembered how those lips felt against mine.

I don't know if it was me, but it seems that his lips had showed a hint of smile. And right now, I really am dying to see those lips form a smile again.

He removed his dark Ray-Ban glasses. And his blue eyes met mine.

But I was a little confused when he waved his right hand in front of my face. "Are you okay McKinley?"

And just then I realized that I was gawking at him. And the worst part is, he caught me.

"Uh." I cleared my throat. "No. Nothing's wrong, I just... uh.. thought about..." I cleared my throat again. "the schedules that I have arranged." I lied.

"Hmmm..." He mused and put his right hand below his chin. "But you didn't write it on my face, did you?"

"Uh, of course not." I said and pretended on checking over the planner just to at least conceal my face which is already in shame.

"Of course, you didn't. I was just amused why you used my face as a reference of the schedules."

Dang! "It was just a coincidence sir." I just said.

If I could just strangle myself to death. Aaarrrgghh. I was so humiliated.

We headed on the reserved table. I could say that the restaurant is really first class. I was taking the bouquet of red roses with me.

Just as I about to ask who he's meeting with, a lady with a wavy hair in high stiletto, dangling earrings and a coat made of animal fur, came inside and scanned the room. When she spotted Blue, her smile almost immediately seemed to cut through her face and fashionably made her way toward the table.

I have to roll my eyes at that. Duh. So coquettish.

Blue stood and met her with a hug.

Since my position is facing Blue, I saw him looked at me as he kissed the girl. What does that look imply? Is he tormenting me?

I looked away because my heart started screaming.

"Mr. McKinley, could you please order for us?" I heard Blue said.

"Uh. sure." I said.

After I complied to his order, I sat back on the table. Although it's for two people, it's sad to say that I'm the only one occupying it listening to the laughter and flirtatious conversation from the other table.

I was hurt. yeah. But I'm tired of crying. I have to stand firm because this is what I want for Blue. But I really don't like the girl for him. She's just so chic. Well, actually, I really don't like someone flirting over him.

Aarrggghh... what am I thinking?

In frustration, I balled a fist and hit my chest again and again.

I was taken aback when a hand grabbed mine that I stopped hitting myself. "Is something wrong with you McKinley?"

I took a moment to comprehend that it was Blue who stopped my hand. His face is clearly showing a worried expression.

"No. Nothing's wrong." I said and took my hand away but he held it.

"Then why are you crying?" He asked.

"C-crying? Of course not. I'm not crying." I said because I really am sure that I wasn't crying.

"Then what's these tears all about?" He asked as he used his thumb to wipe something in my cheeks. And the warmth it has brought awakened my senses. Indeed, tears were on my cheeks.

"Will you please explain yourself Dar-er-McKinley?"

"I just choked with the water." I said and looked over the glass of water in my table.

He grinned. "Liar." He said and went back to his table.

"What happened?" I heard the chic lady asked. I haven't heard Blue's explanation as I headed myself towards the restroom to pacify myself.

I clearly messed it up. What the hell was I thinking to put a show like that? Or was I even thinking in the first place?

I splashed my face with the cold water just to calm my nerves. My reflection stared back at me. I sighed, still cannot make any interpret what's going on inside me that seem to baffle my mind.

...

I didn't wait for him to stop the engine. I immediately went out his car and without looking back, I headed towards my room. But before I could even enter my room, the phone beeps.

'to my study, now.' Blue's message popped.

With dropped shoulders, I trudged towards his study. Arrrgghhh. Is he not done torturing me yet? The last thing I want to do now is to see him. Because when I get near him, I seemed to feel remorse in saying that I didn't love him anymore.

I opened the door and saw him sitting on the couch with a wine glass in his hand. I don't even have to blink twice to know that he looked so sexy as he put his right ankle above his left knee with his arms spread against the seat.

I cleared my throat before talking. "What is it sir?"

"Come here." He motioned the empty space beside him.

I hesitated but the look in his eyes told me to comply.

"Wine?" He offered.

"No. Thanks." I said, fisting my knuckles above my lap. Even at this short distance, I can barely control myself.

He shifted his position so he's facing me. I have to look down. I cannot even put up a fight with his eyes. Just a glanced at it made me remember how he looked at me as he kissed that coquette.

"Tell me McKinley, what can you say about Sheena?"

"Sheena?" I asked.

"The lady we had lunch with."

"Well, she's pretty." I had to swallow it. Dang!

"Yeah, I thought so too." He said. "I can even still feel her lips against mine. Such sweet lips." He said.

Having no response at that, I just shut my mouth. I might mess up again. But did he called me here just to say that? The F*

"I was even surprised by your choking with water. What happened there McKinley?"

"I'm sorry about it. I just choked. That's all."

But I found myself surprised when he chuckled. I had to look and there, his eyes are mocking me. "You're a bad liar, do you know that?"

"I'm not lying." F* you. Can't he just stop this now.

"How long will you deny it?"

"I'm not denying anything-"

"You think I don't notice?" He asked. "I know you."

"No, you don't." I countered.

"I know you so well. I know you were lying the whole time. You still love me and you're jealous."

I might be in shock. But I just half laughed, sarcastically. "You're just misinterpreting things. Jealous? Pfft. I'm not." I said and stopped because I might choke again with the knot in my throat.

"Tsk." He held me with his gaze. "Still in denial. Why don't you just admit it so we can get done with it?"

"Why should I? Besides, you don't feel anything for me, right?" I asked. "Oh, my bad, you feel disgusted at me. But that doesn't change anything. Why talk about this?"

I was talking and never realized his changed of expression. "Strip off your clothes Mckinley." He said in a grim face.

"What?" I asked, appalled by his anger. "I'm not stripping off-"

"Strip off your clothes and let's see how disgusted I am."

"You want me to do that just to slap on my face that I’m disgusting? How could-"

"Just remove the damn clothes!" He bellowed.

"I didn't sign up for this-"

"You did."

"What?"

"You are mine. I can do everything I want. Now get out from that clothes or I'll take it myself."