“Hey, he’s awake!” Ripley says a few hours later, as Noah groggily props himself up on the couch.

His eyes are blurred with sleep, but he gets one look at the living room, and freezes.

The house looks way different than it did when he passed out. Aiden, Ripley, and I stuck to downstairs, and with all of us working at once, we got it looking pretty good. I’m proud of us, because it was something before. We couldn’t finish all the laundry, but the dishes are drying on the rack, the surfaces are all shiny, and the papers on the kitchen counter have been stacked and sorted.

Basically, it looks like their house again.

“Wh-?” Noah sits up and stares around, slate-grey eyes suddenly very awake. “Holy shit. What happened?”

“We cleaned up a bit,” I explain. “You want a piece of pizza? Careful, don’t wake up Raj.”

Noah’s eyes travel over the couch and land on Raj, who is curled up at his feet. He’s just as deeply asleep as Noah was a moment ago, his mouth slightly open, one arm dangling off of the couch.

Noah stares at him, his dazed, sleepy expression turning warm and affectionate. One unruly curl has fallen over Raj’s eye, almost to his sharp cheekbone. Noah’s gaze stops there, and his hand lifts from the couch, like he’s going to push it out of Raj’s face for him.

Then he glances over at the rest of us, and stops. I’m the only one who saw - Aiden and Ripley are both looking at the TV - but I turn away before Noah can catch me looking.

“Where’s Mel?” he asks, rubbing his eyes.

“Upstairs, also asleep.” Aiden is sitting on the floor, Nikita snuggled up in his arms. “Glad you’re up, Noosh. You can take over for me.”

Noah leans to reach for Nik, but Aiden shifts her into one burly arm and hands him the Xbox controller instead. Noah blinks in surprise, and Ripley sits up in the armchair, letting out a relieved breath.

“Thank god,” he says, picking his own controller back up. “No offense, Aiden, but your video game skills, um.”

“Okay,” Aiden groans. He folds up his knees and lets Nikita rest against his legs, one huge hand holding her in place. “I never claimed to be good! You guys have way more experience, so-” He breaks off as Nikita unexpectedly takes his finger in her little hand and tries to put it in her mouth. “You’re so grabby, for being so brand new,” he tells her, tapping her nose with his fingertip. She makes a surprised gurgling sound, and Raj sits bolt upright on the couch, his hair standing on end, his eyes only half-open.

“She okay?” he slurs. “Whuz she need? I’ll get it.”

“She’s fine, Raj,” Aiden says, flapping a hand at him. “Go back to sleep.”

Raj nods gratefully and starts to lay back again, then stops, noticing that Noah is awake.

“Appointment went fine,” he says quietly, around a yawn. “Fill you in later.”

Relief instantly spreads over Noah’s face, to the extent that I wonder - was he worried? Is that part of why he was so upset, earlier? He had to wait for whatever news they might get, while Raj and Melanie got to hear it right then and there. On the surface, there was no reason to think anything was wrong with Mel or Nik, but I doubt that would keep Noah from worrying about them.

“Thanks,” he says softly. “When’s the next appointment? Did they say?”

Raj yawns again. “Whenever we find a new doctor, I guess.”

“What?” Noah stares at him, his eyebrows furrowing. “What are you talking about?”

“Dude, obviously we’ve got to find a doctor who’ll let you come with us,” Raj says, his eyes barely open, his words soft and mumbled. “Them not letting you come today, that shit didn’t sit well with me at all.”

“What?” Noah gapes at him, his eyes wide. “Raj. You’re joking.”

Ripley is leaning down to talk to Aiden, and neither of them is paying attention to this, distracted as they are by Nik’s cute little crabby face. But I’m on the floor right by the couch, which means that I’m near enough to hear. I wonder if I should move, or something.

“Course I’m not joking,” Raj says, before I can make up my mind.

Noah makes a pained sound, running a hand through his hair. “Raj, no - you seriously don’t have to-”

“Mkay, well, there’s no point arguing about it, because Mel and I already agreed. There’s got to be someplace else we can go. We’ll just find a new - why am I forgetting the word? Baby doctor. Ostrich - osteo - obstetrician! There we go. Jesus, I’m exhausted.”

“Raj,” Noah sputters. “You - this-”

Raj groans tiredly, then starts crawling closer to Noah. Noah’s eyebrows lift, in confusion or surprise, or maybe both. He draws back as Raj advances, until he hits the end of the couch and can’t go any further.

Noah presses himself as far back as he can go, blinking rapidly. “What are you-?”

Raj leans forward to press a finger over Noah’s mouth. It’s a sleepy, clumsy movement, and his fingertip briefly brushes over Noah’s lip piercing.

“Shh. I’m so tired. No more talking, please. It’s already decided, okay? We’re not taking Nik anywhere she can’t go with her whole ʻohana, and that’s it.”

Raj grabs a pillow and puts it on Noah’s lap. Then he drops his head onto the pillow and curls up on the couch, the same way that Melanie did when she took a nap on Noah.

“Night night,” he says, and promptly passes out. Literally, just like that.

A few silent seconds slide by, and Noah doesn’t move. It seems like he isn’t sure what to do with himself. He stares down at Raj, then looks up at Aiden, Ripley, and me. He’s biting down on his lip, his face turned a very slight shade of red. I get the distinct impression that he’s trying to step outside of himself, trying to guess how this looks to the rest of us.

I wonder if Raj has ever done this before. Based on Noah’s reaction, I’d say no.

I turn hastily and reach for another piece of pizza, pretending that I wasn’t watching. I feel Noah set his eyes on me, lingering for longer than he did on Aiden or Ripley. But he must buy my act, because he's very visibly relieved to find no one looking at him.

He goes quiet for a moment. With Raj’s head in his lap, he seems unsure about what to do with his hands. He drops one onto the couch. Rubs his arm with the other, his fingers skating over Ripley's snow leopard, then the reptilian scales inked in above his elbow, then the thick-lined tiger riding his shoulder.

“Um,” he says. “So - did someone say pizza?”

Ripley hands him a plate with a slice on it. Noah accepts it with one hand, using the other to power his controller on.

“You want me to take her, Aiden?” he asks.

“No, she’s fine where she is,” Aiden says, smiling down into Nik’s tiny face. “Just relax, man. It’s okay to take a break. Seems like the three of you have been going nonstop for days.”

Noah shrugs. “Okay. But if she spits up on you, I’m not responsible.”

“Man, I can handle it,” Aiden insists, then glances over at me, watching as I speedily press buttons on my controller. “What are you doing, Jamie?”

“Just - since you’re not playing anymore, I’m changing the game difficulty from easy back to hard.”

“Wow!” Aiden twists to glare at me. “Wow, okay. I see how it is.”

Ripley suppresses a laugh, and Noah breaks into a smile.

He sets down his plate, then loudly cracks his fingers. “I can’t wait to absolutely crush you fools.”

“When are you finally gonna realize that we’re not enemies, Noah?” Ripley laughs. “We’re your teammates!”

Noah grins widely, then blinks and looks down as Raj snores directly into his knee. The noise brings everyone’s eyes over to the couch at once, and Noah’s smile falters.

“Could you get off of me, you idiot?” he says, trying unsuccessfully to shove Raj’s head off of his lap.

Raj wakes up, but only enough to get one word out. “No.”

This startles an indignant laugh out of Noah.

“The fuck do you mean, no? Someone help me move him, please? Jamie?”

Yeah, right.

“Nope. I’m comfy, I’m not getting up."

“Yeah, sounds like a you problem, bro,” Aiden says.

“Goddamnit." Noah tries again to push Raj off, with the same results. "Ripples, help me.”

Ripley sits back in the armchair, stretches out his legs, and crosses them at the ankle. “Good luck with that, man.”

Noah groans deeply, but it dissolves into another laugh.

All of that hardness held in his eyes earlier - it’s completely melted away.

I turn away from him, mostly to hide my smile. Like I thought, he needed to be around people who care about him. Now he’s got a whole houseful on his hands, and the effect is already taking hold.

“I can’t believe you guys did this,” Noah’s gaze drifts over the tidied up living room. “How long did it take?”

“It wasn’t that bad, with three of us,” Ripley answers. “You should have called us earlier, if you guys needed help.”

Noah pauses to listen. “And is that my music playing on the TV?”

“We’re adhering to the fat beats only policy,” I inform him.

“Yep.” Aiden shifts Nik to rest against his chest, carefully cupping her head in his hand. “We figured that Nik wouldn’t want to listen to hours of grenades exploding and bear traps snapping shut-”

“Oh my god, I forgot that there’s a bear trap in this game!” I interrupt, turning to face the TV. “I’m equipping that.”

Noah brushes the pizza crumbs from his hands and seizes his controller. “Not if I get it first!”

“Ugh, Noah! Don’t take it, you - wow, you really took it. You bastard. You know what? It was better when Aiden was playing!”

“Thanks so much,” Aiden grumbles.

“No, babe, you’re great!” I tell him quickly, and then, when Ripley and Noah let out a simultaneous snort of laughter - “Would you two please-”

“Alright,” Aiden laughs, unable to maintain his sour expression. “Forget this shit. I’m owning it. I’m terrible at this. I don’t care.”

I’m starting to laugh, too, but I stop, staring at Aiden. I’ve been having trouble tearing my eyes away ever since Raj handed Nik over to him.

I love watching Aiden with her, and not only because it’s cute to see such a tiny baby in the arms of such a built guy. Although it is cute. So very cute.

I just like seeing how clearly happy Aiden is.

He’s got this sweet, goofy smile on his face. I could write poems and poems and poems about just this one smile. It lights him up completely. We’re sitting on opposite sides of the room, but I feel like all I’d have to do is hold out my palm, and I’d feel his warmth.

My Heliomancer. Any child of Aiden’s is going to inherit a whole lot of secrets and responsibilities, but they’ll also have all the sunlight in the world to play with.

This is like a peek of the possible future, and I can’t stop looking. I already get such a sense of wholeness from what Aiden and I have now, but there’s always room to grow.

Against Aiden’s solid chest, Nik makes a soft, upset little noise, and Noah sets down his controller. He squirms out from under the pillow, gently shifting Raj’s head onto the couch.

“Give her here, Aiden?” He stands up, stretches his arms over his head, and reaches for Nik. “She probably just needs a bottle.”

Aiden hands Nikita over, then hops to his feet. “Can you show me how to do it, Noosh?”

“Oh, that’s a good idea.” Ripley sets down his controller, too. “Yeah, show us, man.”

“Seriously?” Noah laughs, heading to the kitchen, Nik cradled in his arms. We all follow after him, and he blinks in surprise. “Oh, you guys are serious. Okay.”

“Of course we are,” I answer. “The game can wait. And we’re not starting until you give me back the bear trap, anyways, so.”

Noah’s response is lost in the brief shuffle of all of us cramming into the kitchen, but I can tell that he’s laughing.

“What’d you say, dude?” I call.

“I said you guys fully don’t need to learn how to do this!”

“How are we supposed to help next time, if you don’t show us how to do it?” I ask.

Nik makes another, louder noise of complaint, and Noah turns to open the fridge.

“Alright, whatever. Gather ‘round, disciples.” He pulls a bottle out of the fridge and holds it up. “This right here is a baby bottle.” He sets the bottle down and points to Nikita. “This right here is what’s called a baby.”

“Sorry, which is the baby, and which is the bottle?” Ripley asks, a faux-puzzled look on his face.

“The baby is the one that’s gonna start crying if this takes any longer, so shut up, already!” Noah laughs, tossing his hair out of his face. “Can one of you take her for a sec?”

I’m the closest, so I reach for Nikita. Noah hands her over, then speedily starts getting his hair into a bun.

I fold Nikita into my arms. She looks up at me resentfully, as if I’ve profoundly insulted her and everything she stands for.

“This face,” I laugh. “She is the angriest little thing in the world.”

Noah takes her back. A dimpled smile unfolds on his face as he looks down at her, and his voice drops to an affectionate murmur. “I know.”

“Show us how to do the thing, Noah,” Aiden says, and Noah clicks his tongue.

“Honestly, why? When are you guys ever gonna be feeding her?”

“I don’t know.” Aiden shrugs. “The next time she needs a bottle? How often does she need one, like every six hours?”

Noah lets out a choking laugh. “Um - no. More often than that.”

It’s becoming apparent that there will be tears if Nikita doesn’t get fed soon, and Noah, all out of time to argue about it, gives up and shows us how to do it.

“Okay, that was easier than I thought,” I say afterwards, and Noah laughs again, carefully settling Nikita against his chest.

“Did you think there was some arcane incantation we needed to do, or something?” He shakes his head at me, then pauses. “Actually, you probably did, right? All that ghost shit you and Aiden are into.”

“We’re into it because ghosts are real, man,” I tell him, and he chuckles, smoothing his hand in gentle circles on Nikita’s back.

“Set up camp in fantasy land, have you, Keane?”

“Yes, and it’s great. You should come check it out, sometime.”

“Maybe I will,” Noah answers, leading the way back to the living room. “How much is a gram over there?”

“For fuck’s sake,” I groan-laugh, following after him.

Noah was heading towards the couch, but he stops, glancing at the stairs.

“Jamie, can you take Nik again for a minute? I want to go check on Mel real fast.”

“Of course, yeah.”

“Just be two seconds!” Noah calls, padding up the stairs.

I stand there for a moment, watching him go, Nikita cuddled in my arms.

I remember that night when Noah and I sat outside together in the newly-finished backyard. He was a little drunk and more than a little upset. Opening up. Telling me that it was almost time for Raj to show his fiancée the house. When I’d suggested that he might get along with her, Noah let out a scornful laugh, and said:

Yeah, okay. Sounds likely.

Now, here he is, disappearing upstairs to make sure she’s okay.

I hadn’t thought too much about it, Noah’s preemptive dislike of Raj’s fiancée. His certainty that they wouldn’t get along, when he’d never even met her.

Of course, at the time I hadn’t realized that it was because he was jealous of her. But I don’t blame myself too much for failing to figure that one out. After all, Noah himself still hasn’t figured it out.

Honestly, though, I don’t blame him, either.

It’s confusing as hell when something that was silent within you finally decides it’s time to speak.