I wake up in the deep blue light of dawn. Aiden is asleep by my side, flat on his stomach, burly arms curled beneath the pillow. The comforters are pulled up over him, but my memory traces the lines of his body.

For a moment, I gaze down at him, thinking about yesterday.

Eventually, I stumble into my boxers and pad to the kitchen. Shivering in the cold, I quickly get a pot of coffee brewing, then rush back to bed, to Aiden’s warmth.

I settle my back against the headboard, and the comforter over my legs. Aiden is nearby, and the heat of him makes the whole bed toasty, but I still want him close.

I draw his head into my lap. He mumbles something indiscernible, automatically folding an arm over my legs, but he doesn't wake up, not even when I reach over to unplug my phone.

I play with his soft chestnut hair while I scroll through my notifications. A few minutes pass in serene silence.

I’m just thinking about checking on the coffee when two soft clicking sounds disturb the quiet. My front door, opening and closing. Then comes muffled footsteps, and a knock on the closed door of my bedroom.

“Come in." I don't glance up from my phone, but I hear the door open. “Hi, where were you last night? Off with your man?”

“What? What’s that supposed to mean?”

I look up, startled by a much lower voice than I expected, then drop my phone onto the blankets.

“Oh - Noah!” I whisper, my cheeks burning. “I thought you were someone else!”

He’s standing in the doorway, one shoulder resting against the frame. He looks affronted, but his expression relaxes after my explanation.

His eyes travel over the bed and find Aiden’s bare torso only half covered by the comforter, his head cuddled in my lap as he sleeps.

“Jesus, dude, why’d you tell me to come in?” Noah whispers, and my cheeks burn even hotter.

“Like I said, I thought you were someone else!”

“Who?”

“I told you that there’s a ghost living in my apartment, didn’t I?”

“Oh, right. Of course.” Noah’s eyes narrow, and he nods in a very okay-then kind of way. “So you’re telling me that the ghost who lives here has got herself a man?”

“Why?" I ask. "Were you thinking of making a move?”

Noah lets out a rough laugh. “Well, I am single.”

You so aren’t, I nearly answer.

Very gently, I shift Aiden’s head off of my lap. He rolls onto his back, and I turn again to Noah.

“What are you doing walking into my place unannounced? This is breaking and entering, dude.”

“Is it breaking and entering if the door was unlocked, and I knocked, and you told me to come in? And how did you think I was a ghost? Can your ghost knock, or open doors?”

“Well - no, she can’t, but - whatever! Gimme a break, I woke up like five seconds ago!”

Noah snickers quietly, then hesitates in the doorway. I expect him to turn around and leave, but he doesn’t. He drifts into my room and comes to sit on the end of my bed. He still has his bomber jacket on, and chilly outside air is clinging to him.

“Sorry to come by so early, bro,” he murmurs, running a hand through his hair. “My internal clock is all thrown off, having Nik around. I didn’t even check what time it was when I left the house.”

“Yeah, I was just gonna say, if you're here for a sesh, you're smoking alone. 5:45 AM is just a smidge too early in the day, at least for me."

Noah breaks into a grin.

“Nope, not why I'm here, but it’s never too early to snap a bowl, man.”

“Oh, my god," I laugh, then clasp a hand over my mouth, glancing down at Aiden. His hair has tumbled into his face, and I smooth it back to make sure that we haven’t woken him up. His eyes are peacefully closed, his chest rising and falling slowly.

When I look up at Noah, he’s watching us again, that same weird expression on his face. His eyes are narrowed to grey slits, like he’s struggling hard to understand something.

His gaze moves away immediately, but it’s obvious that I’ve caught him looking.

“Still so fucking crazy to think that it’s you two,” he says. “Like, how is that the Aiden I knew in high school, and how are you the Jamie I knew in high school, and how can you two be together?”

I feel like that’s not really what Noah was thinking about, but I’m not about to put him on the spot.

“I know,” I answer. “Sometimes I still don’t believe it, either.”

Noah bites his lip, searching for something to say. I tip my head to the side, studying him. I didn’t notice before, but - he looks upset. He’s trying to hide it, but it’s there in his grey eyes.

“Hey, you want to go get some coffee?” I ask. “I was thinking of swinging by Mugshot.”

He nods, then gets back to his feet. “Yeah, alright.”

I slip out of bed, find my jeans and a t-shirt, and bend to press a soft kiss onto Aiden’s cheek.

“I’m going to Mugshot,” I tell him, pulling my flannel on. “Be back soon, okay?”

“Mmkay,” he murmurs drowsily, his eyelashes fluttering. “Love you.”

Noah is waiting by the door. I join him there right away. I don’t want to give him time to change his mind.

Together, we head down the stairs of my building, and step out into the cold.

~~~~

When Aiden first came back to town, I’d guessed incorrectly that he was a black coffee, no milk, no sugar kind of guy. Turns out that’s actually Noah, and I cringe deeply when he takes a sip.

“What?” he asks, fitting the lid on the cup.

“Eugh. Nothing. You gross freak.”

“I was about to say the same thing,” he mutters, watching me pour a whole lot of sugar into my cup.

I thought we would stay and get a table, so we could talk. Not so, apparently. As soon as I’m done fixing up my coffee, Noah leads us back outside.

It’s so early that there’s a lingering blue tinge to the air. Everything around us is soft and blurry and miragelike. Very few cars on the road, even fewer in the parking lot. In the slow-growing brightness, I take a better look at Noah and realize that he’s way more upset than I realized. His grey eyes are adrift, traveling over everything, seeing nothing, like he’s in some kind of small panic.

He stops on the sidewalk and hands me his coffee. I don’t know what we’re doing, but I take it from him.

He pulls a pack of American Spirits from his pocket and lifts it to his mouth; when it comes away, there’s a cigarette between his lips. He thumbs a lighter to life, cups his hands around the flame, and lights up.

I watch him, biting the inside of my cheek.

Yeah, something is going on. Aunt Sarah only smokes cigs when there’s something major to celebrate, but Noah only does it when he’s extremely stressed out.

He flicks his cigarette, though he’s only had one pull, and there’s nothing to ash yet. Then he takes his coffee back from me and leans back against the wall of Mugshot.

A silence passes between us. I focus my tired eyes on the glowing orange point of Noah’s cigarette. Sipping my coffee, trying to wake myself up.

“Melanie is really mad at me,” Noah says abruptly. “I - don’t know what I did.”

Okay, now I’m awake.

“What? She won’t tell you what you did?”

“No, it was...” He rolls the cigarette between his fingers, looking down at the pavement. “It just all happened really fast.”

I stare at him, baffled.

“But you guys seemed perfectly fine when we left last night!”

“Yeah, we were, everything was.” Noah runs a hand over his face. “And then we started talking about wedding stuff. Her and Raj’s wedding. The wedding.” Noah takes a fast drag of his cigarette, then looks over at me, speaking around the smoke. “Dahlia is gonna be the maid of honor. You remember Dahlia, right? Mel’s friend from high school.”

“Yeah, Melanie told me about that.”

Noah nods, glancing away from me again.

“Has, um. Has Raj said anything to you about who’s gonna be his best man, or…?”

I wish that Noah was more comfortable with me touching him. I want to rest a hand on his shoulder, or give him a hug.

“Raj hasn’t said anything about it, at least not to me,” I tell him, and then, holding out two fingers - “Drags?”

Noah hands over the cigarette. "Sure."

I take a pull, then give it back, waiting for him to say something.

“It’s just…” Noah bites his pierced lip. “I thought that Raj might ask me to be his best man, and he hasn’t. I’m starting to wonder if he’s mad at me about something, but it really doesn’t seem like it. Not that I’ve done anything he should be mad about, because I haven’t. I haven’t.”

I draw back, startled by the forcefulness of his words.

“I know you haven’t, man.”

Noah looks away again, tapping the end of the cigarette. Ash flutters down to the sidewalk, drifting on the breeze like grey snowflakes.

“Anyways - if Dahlia is the maid of honor, and I might be the best man, thought maybe…” Noah shrugs. “I dunno. I found her Instagram, and she’s cute, and single. Did you know that she’s a martial arts instructor? She teaches Muay Thai.”

I think I know where this is going, and my heart sinks. My suspicions are confirmed a moment later, when Noah says:

“So I was thinking of asking her out. I asked Mel what she thought about it, and then - honestly, I have no idea what the fuck happened. The way she looked at me, I - I don’t even...”

He swallows, and fades off.

I want to grab Noah and shake him, scream the truth in his face. I resist the urge, but it’s hard.

“And she didn’t say why?”

“No. She just got super upset, then went upstairs and got into bed.”

Noah takes another anxious pull of his cigarette, then offers it to me again. I wave it away.

“I’m all good. Green is one thing, but too much tobacco and I’ll need my inhaler.”

This gets a snort of laughter from Noah, along with the briefest, barest flash of a smile. One that instantly fades away.

“Is Melanie still mad?” I ask.

“I don’t know.” The smoke from Noah’s cigarette breaks against his face, then swirls away on the wind. “Haven’t seen her this morning. She said she wasn’t mad at all, last night. But it was - it was obvious.”

I twist the ring around my finger, trying to think of what to say. I’m afraid that one misstep will send Noah back into silence, have him getting into my car, telling me to drop him off at home.

“I don’t get it, man,” he says softly, before I can land on anything. “It’s like… you have Aiden. Ripley’s got Alix, even if they’re not official. Raj and Mel have each other. I just… why can’t I have someone, too? Why am I the only one who has to be alone?”

I’ve never heard such an exposed vein of sadness in Noah’s voice. Or at least, not since that first night when he showed up at my apartment, and then it was tangled up with rage and frustration. There’s none of that, now.

I cave and rest my hand on Noah’s shoulder, my heart aching. What I can say to him without outright telling him? Without wrenching everything up to the surface before he’s ready?

Based on his expression, I don’t think he meant to say as much as he did.

He turns away, his eyes suddenly closed off and distant.

“Noah,” I begin slowly, “Listen, I-”

He drops the cigarette to the ground, crushes it beneath the heel of his boot, and shrugs my hand off of his shoulder.

“Picked up a job for this morning, by the way. Any chance you could drop me off? It’s a house on Brookside with a breaker that keeps tripping. Pretty common in the winter. Owner asked me to install a heavy up.”

I don’t know what this means in the technical sense, but I do know what it means on a broader level. Noah doesn’t want to go home, or he’s not sure if he should. He hasn’t accepted a job since Nikita was born, and neither has Raj. I’m pretty sure that Noah wouldn’t have taken the one this morning if circumstances were different at the house.

“Yeah, I can drop you, but-"

"Great, let's get out of here."

"What-? Noah, hang on a sec-"

He’s already heading for my car. I stay where I am, frowning after him. We’re so not done talking about this.

Noah sees me hesitating, and rolls his eyes.

“Keane. Get in the car.”

I lean back against the wall, take a relaxed sip of my coffee. “Mmm. No.”

Noah lets out a long, aggrieved sigh. “Bro, you better get moving before I smack your ass-”

“Ooh, enticing.”

“-to the ground.”

“Oh. That’s less enticing.”

Noah laughs, rolls his eyes one more time, and lets himself back into my car. I’m left with no choice but to follow him.

For a moment, I sit with my hands on the wheel, trying to think. Noah clearly doesn’t want to talk anymore, but there must be some way I can help.

“You want me to talk to her?” I try. “Melanie?”

Noah twists to look at me, caught by surprise. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, why not? At the very least, I can find out if she’s still upset.”

Noah fidgets with his lip piercing, then turns away, folding his hands around his coffee.

“That - yeah, alright. Thanks, man.”

I desperately want to tell him that he’s not alone, that he hasn’t been for a minute. That he’s way more loved than he realizes, that it’s the whole reason this happened in the first place. He’s so close to understanding the true anatomy of this thing. It’s just beyond his grasp, and all I want to do is push him the rest of the way there.

It’s a hell of an effort to put the car in drive, and keep my mouth shut.

~~~~

The house is unlocked. I text Raj, who responds that he's not home. Melanie told him to take Nikita for a walk, get her some fresh air. But Melanie is home, he says.

She doesn’t text me back, so I ease the door open and lean inside.

“Hello?” I call. "Melanie?"

Hearing voices from upstairs, I shut the door after myself, pull off my shoes, and cross the living room.

I find Melanie at the top of the carpeted stairs, her back pressed to the wall, her phone in her hand. I wave at her, but she’s facing away from me, and she doesn’t see.

I start to step closer, then realize that she’s crying, wiping her eyes on the sleeve of her cardigan.

“I have no idea,” she’s saying into her phone, sniffling as she speaks. “But if he asks, will you please tell him no, Dahli? Promise me you’ll tell him no.”

Dahlia’s voice rises from the phone, slightly garbled by the speaker.

“Babe, do you really think you have to ask twice? Of course I’ll say no, if you don’t like this.”

“Thank you.” Melanie squeezes her eyes shut, letting out a shaky breath. "Thank you, I love you."

“Seriously," Dahlia continues, "I just thought it was cool that he messaged me asking about Muay Thai, and didn't lead off with some corny pickup line. I wouldn’t have even responded, Mel, if I knew that you would be so - look, I promise I won’t go for it. I just don’t get why."

"I know, I know."

"You’re the one who was telling me all this stuff about what a great guy he is now, how he’s so sweet and funny… and you said that he’s foxy, too, so - what am I missing, here? Why don't you think I should go out with him?”

“I don’t know.” Melanie lets out a pained sob into her sleeve. “Because-”

She cuts off sharply, noticing me at the bottom of the stairs, where I’m frozen with my hand held up in a wave.

She jolts upright, her eyes widening.

“I’ll call you back, Dahli,” she says, and hangs up.