Today was the day I would go to the library. It was a safe starting point. No one would think a student going to a library was suspicious. Maybe Claude. But fortune was on my side. Claude didn’t show up to our first class. I could feel how much more relaxed the rest of the students were in his absence. Me, on the other hand…

Well, neither Adora, San, or Kaz did much to deter the other students from pestering me. They didn’t hold the same influence as Claude.

“What does it feel like to kill someone?” a guy with long black hair asked. He sat in the row in front of me, looking up at me with a smirk on his square face. The two guys sitting next to him stared at me, too, their expressions less mirthful and more disgusted.

I debated about answering. It would be rude to ignore him, but he was obviously trying to goad me. I needed to be as acquiescent as possible. “I’ve never killed anyone,” I said.

He laughed. “And I’ve never drunk blood.”

“Don’t lie to us. Your family has killed hundreds of vampires,” one of the other two interjected.

The guy with black hair nodded. “Yeah, we’re not fools. Your family is notorious. Come on, just tell me.”

“If you’re not going to believe anything I say, why should I answer?”

“So, you have killed someone before.”

I grit my teeth together.

“Piss off, Rehan,” Adora said, narrowing her ruby eyes. “You’re so brave when Claude isn’t around, aren’t you?”

“Quite taken by the murderer, aren’t you? I’m not surprised. That’s just your type, isn’t she?”

Adora’s jaw tightened and she didn’t answer, instead flipping open her grammar book. I glanced at her. What was that supposed to mean?

“I’m not surprised you’re all buddy-buddy. Outcasts belong with each other, after all,” Rehan said, scrunching up his nose.

“Oh, hey Claude!” San spoke, waving his hand over his head.

Rehan’s face immediately drained of color and he righted himself in his chair, looking toward the front of the room. I did as well but didn’t see Claude anywhere. San simpered to himself when Rehan faced him again and scowled.

“Do what you do best and shut up,” San said.

“You guys must be so proud of yourselves. Protecting a murderer.”

“Rehan.”

At the sound of Kaz’s voice, Rehan pressed his lips together. Kaz leaned forward so he could be seen behind San. “Evander already has his eyes on you. Do I need to give him another reason to?”

“No.”

“Then stop bothering us.”

“I’m not the only one, you know,” Rehan warned, his voice low.

I opened my mouth to speak, but Kaz shook his head. Rehan and his pals turned away from us as Lietz was walked into the classroom. My skin felt hot. What he’d said wasn’t even that bad, but knowing I couldn’t stand up for myself made it harder to listen to. I appreciated the others speaking up for me, but still. Didn’t it make me look like an easy mark? Even more so than I already was?

Maybe it would have been smarter of me to say something back. As long as I made sure not to piss off the wrong people. I needed to show I couldn’t be intimidated, otherwise I’d never be left alone. I couldn’t rely on Claude. I didn’t even want to be around him.

Sighing, I slumped down in my seat. I just kept making mistakes. Why was I like this? What could I do to change it?

Little snide comments followed me around the rest of the day. I wrestled with my thoughts. Do I respond? Do I continue to ignore it? What was the right thing to do? Nobody was physically harming me or attempting to. Words were easy to disregard. I did it with my family constantly.

I wished I could talk to my mom. But even if I could, I couldn’t bring this up to her. She was the most similar to me in our family. She didn’t want to see any more war or blood. I didn’t know how she could be with my father with the way he was. She suffered because of it. I knew that. We all knew it. The constant black circles under her eyes, the way she barely responded when prompted to. The far off look in her eyes. She refused to watch our training, flinched at the sight of weapons.

I never asked the things she’d seen. What she knew my father had done. I’d heard enough stories from my father himself. And I didn’t want to bring up bad memories to her I had asked once why she was still with my father when she didn’t stand for the same things he did and she’d only said she was in love.

I didn’t understand. Was it really love if it brought so much misery? Why would anyone want that?

It didn’t make sense, but at the same time, it did. Wasn’t I the same? My father was cruel. But I couldn’t imagine leaving him. He loved us. In his own way. Everything he did was to protect our family.

That’s why I didn’t fight coming here. It was also why I kept my plans to myself. If my father knew what I planned… I wasn’t going to think about it.

Once classes ended, I managed to sneak away from Kaz. It was easy to convince him I wanted to be alone in my room. No one could bother me in there. And he probably enjoyed having a break from being my guardian.

I snuck out once he disappeared into his own room, keeping my head down. The sun shone in the sky as I beelined for the library. It warmed up my clammy skin. I wished I had more time to enjoy the scenery. The musky-sweet smell of decaying leaves felt welcoming. Fall was my favorite season and here at Maiestas Regia, it was out in full force. The maple trees lining the path to the library were varying shades of sepia, scarlet, sandstone, and ochre. Their fallen leaves crunched under my feet with every step.

Even surrounded by adversaries, I felt at peace here. Some people thought the autumn was melancholy, but I didn’t. It meant the start of something new. The trees shed their old leaves, rested throughout the winter, and bloomed again when spring came. People were the same. We shed our old selves to become someone new. It was natural to.

It was natural to grow and move on. I clung to that. I would not feel guilty for going against my father. I was simply changing.

I pushed open the heavy door and stepped onto the chessboard tiled floor. The ceilings were high and arched, dim chandeliers hanging from them. Thousands of books lined the walls on the first floor. In the center was a sitting area filled with furniture in browns and tans. The scent of coffee lingered in the air and I searched until I found the corner of the room that held a coffee cart. A young girl in an apron stood behind it, texting on her phone.

I found myself walking over to it before I realized it. Caffeine sounded wonderful. Muted voices carried from the floors above and I passed the administrative desk where two girls in the uniform sat sorting through stacks of books.

“What can I get you?” the girl behind the counter asked as soon as I got close, putting her phone away.

“Uh…” I scanned the chalkboard menu. “Can I have an iced latte with coconut and mocha?”

“What size?”

“Oh, a medium please.”

She nodded and slid a cup off the rack and turned to the espresso machine, her long braids swinging across her back as she did so. I inspected the glass case next to the register, swallowing at the sight of cinnamon buns and pumpkin muffins. I didn’t need them, but I wanted them.

The sound of ice being mixed with a spoon jolted me away from the pastries and I dug out my debit card from my bag. My latte was placed on the counter and I went to hand my card over, but the girl frowned.

“It’s cash only.”

I dropped my hand, a flush crossing my cheeks. “Oh no. I didn’t even look. I didn’t bring any cash. I’m sorry.”

She considered me a moment before pushing my drink closer to me. “It’s fine. You look like you need it.”

“Thank you,” I said, ignoring her other remark. I was allowed to look stressed out. My eyes searched for a name tag and found one on her hat. Lehana. “I’ll bring money for it tomorrow.”

“Don’t worry about it. We rotate through the week. I won’t be here until next Wednesday.”

“Oh. Then thanks again.”

Lehana stared at me for a moment more. “You’re not exactly what I pictured.”

I grimaced. As if I didn’t hear that enough already.

“The way the other students were talking about you, I figured you’d have just threatened me to give you a coffee.”

“Sorry to disappoint.”

A smile quirked at her lips. “I should know better to believe rumors.”

“What else are they saying about me?” I asked.

“That you threatened to behead Kaz if he didn’t protect you. And made a freshman cry by showing her the skull of a vampire you killed and carry around with you. Oh, and that your family is holding Evander’s family hostage and that’s how you got into the school in the first place.”

My mouth fell.

She sucked her bottom up in as if trying to hide a smile. “That’s what I’ve heard.”

“Do you believe it?”

“Seeing is better than hearing.”

Her response didn’t really answer my question. I didn’t imagine I looked very intimidating. Average height, a little scrawny. Maybe it was the pink hair?

“No one here took part in the war. Everyone against you is carrying hatred from their other generations. That’s not how you move on. Those who are making the rumors aren’t considering the fact you were too young to take part in the Blood War. Keep your head up high. Others want change, too. I’m glad to have you here. Just do the best you can.”

I curled my hands around my latte, a fraction of the weight on my shoulders lifting. To hear this from someone not ordered to befriend me made me feel better. It was just what I wanted to hear. Just do the best you can. No requirements, no expectations. “Thank you. I understand the feelings of the others, though. The war didn’t leave anyone with happy memories.”

Except maybe my father.

“Acknowledgment is a necessary step to change.”

Another student came up to the cart and I stepped aside. Lehana offered me another quick smile before taking their order. I slowly headed toward the stairs, unsure of where I’d start my search yet. My motivation was rekindled. One floor at a time? It would take days to get through the entire library, maybe even weeks considering I didn’t even know what I was searching for. Starting from the ground up made the most sense to me.

The information I most wanted was about the Sway. I wanted to find a way to become less susceptible to it. Claude wielded the Sway like a weapon. He would always hold the upper-hand over me with it.

I paused. If everyone in the royal family had Sway that meant his grandfather had to have had its as well. How had my father overcome that when he struck him down? Did my father learn the secret to resisting it? Again, why hadn’t my father made me aware of just how potent the Sway was? Why not teach me how to resist it, too? Why send me in so blind?

The sweetness from my latte reenergized me. I decided to pick a shelf at random and start searching through them. I would consider books from every genre. Even fiction held hints of veracity.

Along with Sway, I wanted to learn more about the Blood War from the other side’s perspective. There was only so much we would learn in class. I needed to know more about it. I needed to learn more about the Vesper family and other families that disappeared amongst the chaos. I knew I’d been sheltered and my father only told me what he wanted me to know. Now I could find out whatever I wanted with no one hovering over my shoulder.

Hours passed with nothing I needed coming up. I’d collected a small pile of books that sounded interesting but weren’t useful. The vampire magic that separated their world from the human world intrigued me and I’d found a book about the boundary line. My family rejected magic completely, so I didn’t know much about it.

It was tempting to stay all night seeing as the library was twenty-four hours, but my stomach was starting to rumble. I’d miss the dinner hours if I stayed any longer. I was lucky they extended this late. The past two nights I hadn’t gone and all the snacks I’d brought with me were nearly gone. I carried my pile of books to the desk out front to check them out.

“Do I need a library card to check these out?” I asked when the student at the desk looked up.

He took the books from me. “No. I’ll add them to your account on the computer.”

“Okay.” I waited for him to ask my name, but he didn’t. I flattened my lips. Wouldn’t he at least check my I.D? It was almost unnerving the way everyone knew who I was.

A few seconds later he handed them back to me and then went back to typing on the computer. I left after saying thanks and headed to the exit. The sun had already set and orange lanterns lit up the path now. Clouds covered the moonlight, making the walk back more creepy than scenic.

The forest around the campus was unnaturally quiet. It hit me that I hadn’t seen any other sign of life besides the students. No birds, no small creatures running around. Did they have some kind of boundary to block animals out as well? For what reason?

I held my books to my chest as my stomach fluttered. Now that I noticed, it was unsettling. My ears strained for any kind of noise. There weren’t even any students around. I checked the time on my phone. It was just past ten. Late for a school late, but not too late considering the dining hall and library were still open.

Fighting the urge to look over my shoulder, I carried on. I wasn’t that far away from the dining hall now. I could text Kaz and ask him to come out and meet me. Why did I feel so anxious all of a sudden? The skin pricked at my skin and I tensed my muscles to keep from shivering.

One thing my father always instilled with me was to trust my instincts. Especially around vampires.

And my instincts were clearly telling me to get the heck out of there.

I agreed. I picked up my pace.

But it was too late. A dark figure stepped out in front of me. I didn’t even have time to react as it grabbed my arm and ripped it backward, causing me to drop all my books. Another tug to the side caused me to trip over myself, nearly falling into the bushes that lined the edge of the maple trees.

Planting my feet into the ground when I regained an ounce of balance, I dropped down ono one knee and ripped my arm out of my assailant’s grip. Staying low to stay out of reach, I backed up to put space between us and take in the threat.

I backed up into another person. They kicked my feet out from under me and I put my hands out to catch myself, scraping my palms on the gravel. Sharp pain at my scalp caused me to gasp as the new attacker yanked my hair up. I immediately gripped the roots of my hair to keep the pressure off my skin, standing up with the force of the pull on my hair.

“I told you if we waited long enough we’d catch her sneaking around alone,” an unfamiliar voice said.